Open

Her
Hurt
Her
So much
Before
Maybe now
He will
Open
The door
And let
Her know
More

I Never Met a Werewolf I Didn’t Like

How do you know so much about me? 

Am I the only one who feels you understand me A LOT better then anyone else? 

I don’t understand 

what are you trying to say to me? 

that we have a deep connection?

I know that, I’ve known that for a long time 

that we’ve known each other before? 

it’s possible 

do read my blog is that why you know so much about me?

or have you always known so much about me? 

what do you want me to believe? 

You could just be messing with my head 

but I feel like that isn’t true 

Are you trying to say that maybe I was made for you?

is that possible? 

It does freak me out sometimes 

in a good way 

that we happened to click the way we do 

does that scare you?

I feel like whenever we talk like we did last night 

it just brings us closer 

do you feel that too? 

Am I crazy to think that we just happen to be connected in some way? 

I don’t think I should speak of this anymore 

It’s just a lot 

to take in and to talk about 

I mean if your who I’m suppose to be with 

I don’t want to be wrong about this 

I can’t be wrong about this 

 

 

As We Will So It Shall Be Done

So.. 

I’m finally over the not so good things that have happened to me 

so of course I decided to write a story, a conversation really between someone who cares about me (no particular person) and an ex boyfriend who I am over and can honestly finally say I do not love him and I do not care for him anymore.. so here is ze story. 

“You’re a real jackass for hurting Zoe, you know that?” he told her ex. “You practically broke this girl, this strong beautiful glorious girl, you said words to her that broke her heart over and over again and you wouldn’t stop, you beat her to the ground and you didn’t stop, how could you do that to someone like her? to her?” 

“Look you don’t even know what happened dude, I could have been the one that was hurt more then she was” 

“I highly doubt that. It took her a year and four months to get over you, for your name to finally leave her brain, you damaged her heart more then anyone else ever has and that’s saying a lot considering how many people have been naive enough to hurt her” 

“How do you know all of this? why do you care so much about her? She’s just a crazy freak of a bitch who push’s people away all the time because she likes to feel useless and alone” 

“I know because she told me and why I care about her is none of your business because your are just too much of a fucking idiot and your too weak to handle her. She is nothing of what you say, nothing, she is so much better then that” 

“I guess I’m missing out huh?” 

“Hell yeah you are, I don’t feel sorry for you either for not being able to see who she is and how great she is.. because you didn’t give her a chance, its right that your just outside of her life because she’s got me now!” 

“What makes you think she has you now? she could still be in love with me” 

“She knows I care about her and she knows I’m staying. She’s not in love with you anymore, it’s quite obvious you are out of the picture and out of her head, she most likely doesn’t remember your face” 

“Ouch.. well that’s defiantly a kick in my ass, did you come here to defend her? to make sure I don’t get in the way and make her fall in love with me again?” 

“Yes, I want you to stay away from her, you hurt her enough she doesn’t need any memory’s of being hurt back in her mind and she doesn’t need you. I don’t want you coming anywhere near us, because I’m going to make her happier then you ever could and she does love me and I love her more then words can say” 

“Have you purposed to her yet? you know when I was with her I was planning to ask her to marry me at sunset by the lake..” 

“Not yet but I’m planning to, well that’s off my list” 

“Where are you planning to ask her?” 

“Well I was actually planning on taking her camping then have us go on a hike and then pretend like I think we are lost and purpose” 

“Wow.. that’s right up her alley” 

“I know, if it rains it will be even more perfect” 

“Well I wish good luck to you both, she finally has got that piece of happiness she was looking for and your it so thank you for being the complete opposite of what I was to her.. and I want you to hold her close to your heart always, she needs love and affection all the time and when she cry’s that is when she needs you most” 

“Alright, yeah, I got that. I guess this conversation turned out the complete opposite of how I assumed it would be..” 

“Yeah.. well even though I don’t talk to her I do still love her but she’s yours now and to me she is that girl that got away and I’m never going to get her back and I respect her so I don’t want to destroy her happiness in any way” 

“Thank you”

“Don’t tell her we had this talk okay? don’t tell her that I still care for her and that I respect her, let her think that I hate her, good luck with your engagement and take good care of her ,when she says she doesn’t feel beautiful tell her how beautiful she really is, take her everywhere she wants to go, buy her things you think she will love but most of all make more then enough time for her, you let her drift away even a little bit she will never forgive you. The closer you hold her the more she will believe the words that you speak to her got it?” the ex just about felt like he was going to cry now 

“Yes, I’ve got it thank you”

“You gotta promise me that your gonna love her no matter what happens, you stay by her side and you love her!” 

“Okay, okay I got it, you don’t need to worry about it dude, she perfectly safe and happy with me” 

“Good, so I’m gonna go now..”

“Alright good luck with your stuff” 

“Whatever” 

“Bye” 

“Goodbye! take care of her!” 

 

Crazy is Perfect & Fucked Up is Perfect

I deleted almost every picture

all but one of him

the one of him using photobooth

making his face ten times bigger

I’ve deleted every text message

the album of our conversations and memory’s

gone

he doesn’t miss me

not yet

maybe someday

strangely enough

I don’t miss him much

just a tad or a bit

once and a while

his face will appear in my thoughts

and I’ll smile

remembering the good of it all

I’m glad I let him go

I’m not going to talk to him

or with him

he isn’t worth my time any longer

just like I said before

if he cares

he can prove it

I mean of course

I want him to care

but he doesn’t

so whats the use in trying to make him care?

I mean I can understand if he is concerned with me

after what happened

but he hasn’t helped do shit

men help and support

little boys wallow in whatever the hell

is kept deep inside them and take forever

to just crawl out of their shell

Jesus! I wasn’t even his girlfriend

I mean three months

we were “together” for three months

and didn’t even want a relationship

he must have just wanted sex in the end

and I was probably the tool to get it

I mean it’s pretty easy

to convince a lover of romance

that you are here to love her

and then you use her

I mean it happens a lot

people get screwed over

but I didn’t even know what the fuck

we were the entire time

so you can’t blame me for freaking out and worrying honestly

YOU CAN’T

because it was his fault

I didn’t want to be a “thing”

in the first place

so I should have just walked away

I should have walked away before he did

I should have explained myself and said

“I don’t want just a THING with anyone, I want a committed relationship, you get me and I get you, you give me your time and I give you mine, so if you don’t want that you can leave because I don’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t want to be here”

I should have said that

but I didn’t

I fucking waited till the bitter end

why did I do that? huh?

this is going to be the last post I ever right about him

(but there is an unless, unless.. he proves to me that he cares, which most likely wont happen)

how come some people treat others so badly?

yeah, sure, at the start, I probably should have trusted him a bit more and said nicer things

but he fucked up too

the attention factor and communication factor

and the fact that all he knows is how to be alone

ding! ding! ding!

we have a winner

wiener haha

that was probably a little uncalled for

but as I started to type winner

I went for wiener instead

I had this insane dream today

since I got home so early

so I slept in late

but someone texted me

“I need to see you”

and then they called me

and it was super late at night

so I sounded tried

and I didn’t really both to see who it was

but I answered it

and said

“WHAT?”

“I need to see you”

“why?”

“I miss you, I need to see you”

“Why now?”

and of course I was at my moms or my dads

just little me

but it was just so nuts

why do so many people have a problem with a positive attitude?

can you guys help me out with this?

because I honestly don’t understand why people have a problem with my

“anything is possible” attitude..

I mean obviously you all don’t

but some people do

and I don’t really understand it.

like people say they are positive but they do not have a positive attitude

I mean I fucking embrace both my happiness and sadness

but I let sadness fade

I mean what’s wrong with saying “I can afford that”

and then someday you do?

you get me?

I have been taught my whole life

that CAN’T, NO, DON’T

are all the language of negativity

by saying you can’t you are bringing yourself deeper into the whole of it happening

for example; “I can’t buy that”

you will never get to buy it because by saying that you are bring poverty into your life

another one, okay..

example; “No, I am ugly”

you will become ugly

haven’t you heard of budda?

he’s the one that says

“The mind is everything, what you think you become”

so if you think negative you are negative

if you think positive you are positive

“I don’t know” is an indecisive thing to say

being indecisive can be negative also

but it also has to occur just as action does

if you treat someone poorly

they have no choice but to treat you the same or walk away

therefore I should have just walked away

and NOT made love to the guy

but what is done is done

I can’t change it

and I no longer want to

if things are suppose to be

he will make things up to me

and we will be at peace

just to be at peace would be lovely

that’s all I want now

I could try again

maybe

but I’ll need to be convinced

still shocked that I was pregnant

without knowing

having a early miscarriage hurts

at least when all that stuff is falling out of you

plus you continue to have cramps and spotting

and you eat like crazy after its over

you are bloated and the inside of your vagina hurts

yeah, not cool, it was a bit strange for me

since my period was late

and then it happened

and its really emotional

I cried for two nights straight

because you see the shape of the baby in your broken egg

and it’s painful, since that was suppose to be your baby

I got so stressed with everything that was going on that my period was late and my baby died

it makes you feel like it was all your fault really

it was so hard to tell my best friend without bursting into tears

and I mean I was pretty much alone on this

I told the dad obviously

but he wouldn’t talk to me about it

and it happened at least five minutes after he threw my heart on the floor

I’m not sure if he could take that back if he would

I mean hello, you won’t be scared for the rest of your life for loosing a baby, I will be.

and I didn’t even get a small amount of sympathy

I mean it was his fucking child too

it cannot under any circumstances be denied that this has brought our spirits just a bit closer together

but it’s his choice to act on it

since I have given up a large amount

and only have a smudge

of hope

if my visions are correct

then he will talk to me

and could like me again

keyword is “could”

but I’m going to need a lot more then a single rose

to give him a chance

I wish him the best with his life

to get that “real job”

success in his music and poetry

I hope he runs into a girl who is perfect for him

truly I do

I wish him great happiness and joy

throughout his lifetime

may there be love and joy wherever he steps

whichever path is chosen

Good luck

So Far So Good

I feel extremely 

hmm 

whats the word?

relieved? refreshed? revived? 

I’d say all of the above

I find it 

interesting how 

after sifting through 

arguments and bickering 

there is much to understand 

and all the more it just brings the two closer

but it only brings the two closer if they both come to a conclusion 

and admit to their mistakes 

when people become 

naive and immature in an argument 

they do not admit to their mistakes 

I should know 

I saw my parent’s do that 

over and over again 

and they still disagree and blame each other like small children 

I find it ridiculous and it only makes it worse for my sister and I

I think I’ve about had it with arguments

it takes a lot of energy out of the person

and lucky for me 

I have two special people who detest them 

I like them once and a while but not all the time 

I mean its fine to have a few

when its necessary 

but still

I think I learned a lot last night

and for once in my life I am putting my guard down

I think things are better now

and the two have become closer

to be honest I always think that whomever I have a crush on is

“the one”

its a bad habit

but living in a “broken” family

I guess I felt I had no choice

so I kind of grew into it

thinking everyone around me is beautiful just the way they are

and accepting them

and loving them

all the while calling them perfect

it’s just how I was raised

to appreciate and admire everyone 

so that’s how that happened

I’d like to say that 

“some people” 

don’t really look past 

who a person is in this world 

I’ve only ever met two people who actually insist on digging deeper 

and know the real me 

so I really do hope 

they stay 

so far so good