I don’t know why.. but of all people I’m telling you everything, things that I don’t usually tell people
can you relate to what I’ve been telling you? are my questions too much for you? will you ever answer them?
I guess I wouldn’t really know, but, it has been a long time since I believed someone truly cared for me and it’s very obvious with you, it’s genuine and truth with you, I have never known something like that where it’s just obvious how much someone actually cares and to me it looks like you care a lot, maybe more then you think? do you even know how much you care for me? will I ever know how much you care?
I mean it is obvious that I want to meet you, get to know you, I don’t want to just be some random piece of furniture in your life, you know? I want to be more then just a girl who you talk to. I want to be a real friend or a lover to you. Doesn’t that mean anything?
It’s like you want to know me on a such deeper level then anyone else has ever tried. I mean it just doesn’t make sense to me. Do you really see that I was here all along? I mean I never chose to leave, emotionally yes but I couldn’t handle the jealousy anymore and that feeling in my heart of feeling like you didn’t care a smidgen about me, do you know what it’s like having to listen to someone you can picture yourself with talking about how much they love another person when you try so hard to just be that person for them? but I just continued to keep trying hoping you would see me.
I don’t know if I’m that dream girl or the girl you’ve always wished for and wanted, I don’t know that but if I am you should know. I still wait around for you, after a year of being without you I still wait, why? I really couldn’t say, I honestly don’t know. Am I not good enough for you? is that it?
I will push you away. There will be parts of me that will scare you. You think your bad? I most likely am the same, clearly to me you are more controlling then I and I’m sure anger can come more easily but I think that’s one of the only difference between me and you “bad” wise. Just like me you aren’t all that good at listening and you enjoy being the higher authority. We have good things and bad things in common. THAT IS A VERY GOOD THING.
I know we don’t believe in some of the same things, I’m pretty sure your a hard-core atheist which means your not so open to believing in different things, I guess that goes for all atheist, no offence my friends. I don’t consider myself an atheist, I’m very spiritual, I’m very close to nature, I am that girl that looks past what people see as obvious, I am the girl who see’s dead people, you don’t have to believe me, you don’t have to believe anything that I say, you don’t have to take to heart what I believe or what I see. I don’t expect that.
I wish you would just let me know in,even a little bit, more, so that I don’t have to feel like I’m just sitting here in the distance again. If your going to stay I am going to need you, there was never a time where I didn’t need you. You weren’t there for me before, but your hear for me now and you care a whole fucking lot now, I just don’t get it. What do you see in my now that you didn’t see before? and why can’t you tell me? what are you waiting for?
I try not to plan things anymore, I can understand this whole gaining respect for me thing and being friends and all, but I can’t see why you care for me so much now, you really care a lot don’t you? to me it looks like you might almost be…passionate about caring for me or me. Is that true?
Passion is something I can sense easily since I myself am filled to the brim with it. I hope I’m not being to forward here but I see plenty of it coming from you. No man has ever talked to me like you have, I mean it, no one, I’ll admit that your words have not brought tears of joy to my eyes yet but I’m sure one day they could.
Is it because I tried so hard to make you happy before? is that why you want to make me happy now? or should it just be obvious to me? should it all just be obvious? is it obvious to me and I just don’t see it?
How can I confuse you when you’ve also been confusing me? what are we confusing each other over?
That would be a good question to be answered. I’m still waiting on my questions to be answered.
rebelliousoceannymph 