Another Fork in The Road

I am stuck in a situation 

yet again

a choice 

between two things 

ugh. 

and it doesn’t help

that I’ve been put down

and insulted 

BADLY 

which

REALLY FUCKING HURTS 

but I’m too strong to cry about it 

since I put up with very similar things 

in my past 

so naturally 

on the day that it happened 

I became filled with 

a large amount of numbness 

and the need to burst into tears 

but I took plenty of deep breaths 

and decided to confront 

and let who hurt me know 

that I was DEEPLY HURT 

by it. 

we all make mistakes. 

but it’s gonna take 

a very long time 

for me to forgive him

When someone 

ANYONE 

mentions 

words that have wounded me 

in the past 

like 

“Shut the fuck up”

“fuck off”

“fuck you” 

and calls me stupid

just like he used to 

that automatically 

brings sadness into me 

my happy face 

will change

into big sad eyes 

and the expression

of obvious 

pain in my heart 

During class 

I was afraid 

I might burst into tears 

and have my teacher asked me 

“Zoe what’s wrong?” 

but that never happened 

my friends just brought a smile to my face 

I’m so blessed to have people like them in my life 

and the guy that I like 

I saw him in the halls before class

then I had my Monday class with him also 

so that helped 

and 

I actually heard kind words from my ex 

which made me feel even more desirable again

so it all just helped 

and it ended up being a fabulous day 

I feel like tomorrow 

will be good too

just like today 

and the end of yesterday 

In all honesty, I struggle 

sometimes 

with believing in myself 

I often feel very out of place 

but I guess I’m just lucky this time around 

to finally be around people 

who are just as weird as me 

so I’m not much of an outcast 

when I’m surrounded by other artist’s 

I can’t believe I’m saying this 

but being around them 

is defiantly like it’s home 

I haven’t felt home in a long time 

in fact 

I hardly ever get the chance to 

As a kid 

I wasn’t treated very well by my peers 

it didn’t end till High School was finally over 

but all the bullying has defiantly made me stronger 

and able to defend myself 

I like to be around 

happy positive people 

I like to know that I’m cared for 

and a unique person 

so I like to express my kindness

and put my heart on my sleeve 

and give people love 

I think more people should do that 

use kind gestures

instead of harshly judging 

I love getting to know people 

on a deeper level

to just know things that 

their other friends might not 

I adore that sort of connection

it doesn’t matter what we are in the world 

just as long as theirs a connection 

as big as that 

it’s quite a gift 

to be so open with others like that I suppose 

I value humans 

no matter how greedy,selfish,prideful, ego-tistic, insecure 

I love everyone 

for who they are 

but I’ve come to a point now 

where I can only give so much to others 

I can’t risk getting hurt again

my big ass heart can’t really take it 

so now I only put work into the relationships 

where it’s not just me doing all of it 

and 

its not just me being the kind and generous one 

it must be equal 

otherwise the work put into it 

and the hope 

just don’t mean anything