Inhale, Exhale, Rebel

Tears
Not yet
Shed
The feeling
Of water
Down my cheeks
I dread
Hold them in
It’s just
Your hormones
Kicking in
The pain
Isn’t real
But you know
It is
This is exactly
How you feel
Anger
Depression
This isn’t
Supposed
To be
Your lesson
When they leave
They know
What they are
Missin’
The lips
They cannot
End up
Kissing
Heart shatters
Explodes
So much regret
They hold
Why must you
Feel this way?
Why is there
No one
To tell you
It’ll be okay?

Make Everything Right, Stellar Even

It became spring quite fast, the young woman lay with her feet in the grass. 

Feeling so alone when she is so young, knowing how much she’s let go. 

He came back for one moment, he drove in his car, sweat upon his brow and tears dripping from his eyes. A single song played on the radio “Stellar” by incubus, a song they both know. His tshirt was dirty, since he liked to wear them twice, it was odd because this was the one that she put on once, her bare body layed inside it, leaving her smell fill up in his nose. 

She lay there, so still, looking up at the midnight sky, her mint green dress, flowing around her legs, as if she were a goddess. She was once compared to Aphrodite, by the young man driving to see her in his car. 

He looked at his cell phone, at a red light, he knew he was late, but that single text she sent saying where she was on this very night, went through his head, all the memory’s of them inside of or on top of her bed.

“This is my last chance” he spoke in his mind, “This is my last chance to make everything right” 

she still lay there, but then got up, 

“He isn’t coming” she spoke. 

Tears in her eyes, once pregnant with his child, so this was the end and he wont even just be her friend. She walked slowly inside. Changing out of her dress and walking into the shower, a song played, she recognized it quite well “Stellar”, then “I Miss You” both by the same band, incubus, the memory’s aren’t all that bad. She sang along, her hair soaking wet, reviving herself from the misery. 

He was almost there, he could almost feel her in his arms, he would finally get to say what he means. he’d whisper in her ear, kiss her just like before, it would be like he never left, he would be there for her and stay there with her through everything. It practically killed him when she told him what happened, they had had a child which was dead before it was born, it made him realize he had to be there for her. 

She got out of the shower and put on her robe, just as he pulled and parked. The doorbell rang, no answer or call, just the door, ringing. She put on her glasses and didn’t know what to do, she threw on some sweatpants and a tshirt of blue, threw over her robe and ran to the door. 

“Hey” he said 

she could tell that he had been crying 

“Hey” she replied quietly 

“Can I come in?” he asked, hoping the answer would be yes, since she did invite him. 

“Of course, anything for you” she said looking into his eyes and biting her lip 

“No, I’ve been stupid and untrue” he said just starring at her in the entry way 

“Yeah.. well” she started to say 

“I have been, I may not have planned to act this way or treat you like I did near the end but I came back tonight to show you that I care. I want us to start over, I can’t stand seeing you this way or hearing you speak so sadly, had our baby been born, I would have tried to stay longer but I let negativity take over and I became an ass, I like you so much and I don’t want that to go to waste, feeling the way I do when I’m with you will never fade, hear me out please, I may not be on my knees but I’m here to hold you since you are hurt” he confessed ,he gazed at her so truly, she had wet hair and glasses and those pj’s. He thought she was beautiful, all that beauty he remember was all there, but he could sense that he had slightly broken her, he longed so much to just bring her close and at that moment when he studied her..

“I don’t know what to say”

she took a deep breath 

“I feel exactly the same way”

she said with a slight smile 

“Do you want to sleep over?” just like she asked before

he didn’t know what to say now, did he deserve it? maybe, not really, yes, no, it’s hard to say, but he nodded, longing for the taste of those lips, they would get more time this time around, two full days, instead of half of each one. 

she gently walked over to him, since her body still hurt from the loss of the baby, she played with the string on his hoodie and pulled him in close.

Then she whispered in his ear in such a hushed sexy way

“Your an asshole but your lucky I like you anyway” 

Then she just gazed at him, to let him know that she trusts him, he walls completely down.

He put his hands around her and pulled her even closer, then he kissed her, he kissed her just like before, expressing everything, through the way his lips moved, “I’m sorry”, “I miss you”, “your right”, “I never wanted to hurt you”, “I’m sorry you hurt”, “I want to heal you”, “I want to stay”.

Tears came to her eyes, not the sad kind that she had been crying day and night but the joyous ones she once cried before when she lay in his arms. He couldn’t help but cry too. They wouldn’t stop locking lips, but she stopped them and spoke..

“Let’s go upstairs” 

he smiled, she went up the stairs first, walking carefully since she still felt pain from healing. He watched her, making sure she wouldn’t fall and if she did he would be there to catch her. 

“Tonight”

he thought

“I’m going to hold her like I never have held her before, I will make these two days worth so much more and I will prove that I meant what I said before I broke her” 

He sat on the bed, making sure there was enough room for her to lay on him ever so gently. 

She stripped herself clean of the clothes that she wore, everything but her underwear. 

He took off his shirt, feeling her cold hair on his body and the heat from her. 

“You want to wear my shirt again?” he asked as he gazed at her 

She could do nothing but smile

“Nah it’s alright, I’ll wear it before we go to bed” she replied, looking deeply into his eyes

He brought his hands to her waist, pulling her close, then kissing her 

“I missed you” he said softly 

she kissed him back, moving, bringing her head closer to his. 

“I missed you too” she said, holding back tears 

“I wish you hadn’t left me in the first place” she rubbed her nose against his

“Well I’m here now, I was stupid to leave” he blushed slightly 

“I know and I’m glad, we have so much to share, I wish our baby could have been here, I hear her all the time” she cried, biting her lip and closing her eyes 

“I talked to her you know, I told her I loved her and not to worry because her daddy is going to take care of her mommy”  

she opened her eyes, kissed him passionately

“Don’t ever leave me”

They talked all night, about the past, present, future, anything they could think of really, they told secrets, laughed at jokes that were funny, they would kiss every once and a while. Soon they stopped speaking, and just gazed at each other, knowing and remembering everything that they are. It was then that they would not stop kissing, entwined ever so nicely. No sex, nothing sexual, just kisses so pure and true.

From that night into the next they lay, until he had to go.

But he stayed. He called her right when he got home, they said a few things, for some reason things were better then before.