Inhale, Exhale, Rebel

Tears
Not yet
Shed
The feeling
Of water
Down my cheeks
I dread
Hold them in
It’s just
Your hormones
Kicking in
The pain
Isn’t real
But you know
It is
This is exactly
How you feel
Anger
Depression
This isn’t
Supposed
To be
Your lesson
When they leave
They know
What they are
Missin’
The lips
They cannot
End up
Kissing
Heart shatters
Explodes
So much regret
They hold
Why must you
Feel this way?
Why is there
No one
To tell you
It’ll be okay?

Almost

Suicide trips 

knife to my lips 

tears in my eyes 

pain in my heart 

wanting to rip myself apart

water loose from my veins 

I think I’m going insane 

“Nobody loves you. Nobody can love you” 

words chant in my head 

I think I’m better off dead 

who to talk too?

who to call?

nobody really loves me 

at all

can’t trust anyone else

countless texts

you wanted sex

you try to say goodbye 

a thousand times 

only to end up 

with him on the other line 

miles away 

it’s not the same 

your fingers are numb now 

from pain 

your heart aches 

for his touch

you’ve scared away 

everyone else 

because they aren’t enough

your mind races 

as you bring the silver closer

panicking more 

and more 

so many tears 

life is blurred 

but he saved 

you 

he is 

here 

 

 

Heavens Door

Take me away
From the living
Let me walk among the dead
I want to be done with hope
With love
With fear
Today I wasn’t
Good enough
For anybody
I made two mistakes
Got yelled at for one
And can’t sleep
From words I heard
For the other
Let me drown
In the deepest of seas
Have
No one
Come after me
I still want my wings
More then anything
God you know
I don’t belong here
I don’t fit in
You know I’ve got
No home to live in
I’m too different and you know it
No ones willing to understand
Just take me home
Let me hold your hand
Please I beg you
I’m on my knees
You’ve heard me plead
Just like this before
Now kill me
And bring me to heavens door

Modern Cinderella

Never loved by
Both parents
Always treated
Like a servant
Tears cried
For four years
Then again
Four more
An evil stepmother
Always one
After the other
“Take care of your sister”
“Shovel these rocks”
Always put down
And hearing things
A little girl
Not ought to
She idolized
James and his giant peach
And often wanted
To be like Joseph with his
Rainbow coat of dreams
She was made fun of
Since elementary school
Which is why she can’t spell
Very well
In high school
She was one of the boys
For a while until one of her
Friendships
Became
A betrayal
Of death threats and lies
All her guy friends now in college
She learned she could
Never fit in
“Odd” and “weird”
We’re names that fit her
Without most of her friends
She was always alone
From junior year
To a senior
Friends were outside of school
But they didn’t know
How bad she felt she had it
One abusive boyfriend
After the next
Bringing back
The depression
She had
As a kid
So this tomboy
Got thoughts in her head
Of how she would be saved
No more tears
No more crying
No more feeling like nothing
She dreamed of a fairytale
That meant something
A man who would
Be brave enough
To create one for her
A future
A fairytale all their own
Camping together each time
They could
Best friends
Who would become lovers
Move in together
Watch movies
Have sex till their
Love grew higher
A marriage purposal
A wedding in Ireland
Whoever he was
They would have fun
Then there first would come along
A red headed son
Named Sebastian
With a mind like a mechanic
Then another child
Some short years later
A baby girl
Named
Alyce or Alice
Based on their records
Surely she will be a princess
Of sweetness and cherry pie
You see she dreamed
Of a family
With no more
Cracks and broken hinges
Like that she grew up in
Just more love then
You could imagine
Lots of
Gifts, kisses and hugs
That is no fairytale
You see
I know there is no prince
Who could possibly come after me
But I’d like some romance
I’d like it if no one
Would give up on me
I know I don’t have a fairy godmother
But I would
Really appreciate it
If I had more help
To conquer my fear
Just have someone stay
I don’t give a shit who
I’m just done being played
I don’t enjoy feeling
That way
You hear me stars?
Those up above?
I don’t want or need
A fairytale
I just desire
Real love

Death By Lover

“She’s dying” spoke her dearest lady friend
“And your killing her, making it very much her end”
Tears were in her eyes as she ran away from him as far as she could.
“I’m loosing her, I’m loosing my lover and friend… ”
With those words he made his way to her, as she lay in bed, her face growing paler then the moon as if by sadness and anger. Though her aching heart still bled from the inside all he felt he could really do was look into her eyes and lay beside..

Land of Hope

Shadows
Of her past
Never leave
They live
In the songs
That play fast
Leaving her gasping
For air
A hot blast
Of lies
Creating tears
Made of ocean
It’s like she got shot
In the heart
Never to return
To the land
Of hope

Woman

She looks back
On her previous words
She had forgotten
How
Brave
Brilliant
Beautiful
And
Intelligent
She is
Such a strong woman
Who has
Survived
Assault
As a child
Who would
Have thought
She’d
Turn out
So damn
Blissful
And so
Fucking
Kissable

Only One

She suddenly
Felt sadness
Within her
She was
Going to
Cry
More
Pain
Reflected in
Her chest
Who is going to show her
That she isn’t
Just second
Best?

Nothing

Have you
Noticed
He can’t
Write
Songs
Or
Poetry
Without her?
It’s almost like
He doesn’t want
To forget her
Instead he
Puts his
Energy
Into
Imagining
Fucking her
Like a god would
But will he
Keep his word
And make
This magical
Night happen
Like they
Both have
Craved
And
Raved
About?
Or
Is he going to
Screw
Everything up
Once more
Making her
Angry
And
Hateful
Towards him
For leaving her
Once again
Waiting
On a frost bitten
Doorstop
To be taken
Into her fantasy
Only to
End up
With
Tears of
Pain
And
Sorrow
And
Feeling
Like
She is
Nothing?

He Hates Me

He’s never
Coming back
She thought
He hates
Me