You know
I don’t know what got me to think
I’m an outsider to this world
but as I get older it does make sense
no ones really tried to understand
and even if they say that they do
they don’t
Yeah, sometimes I make my life harder
then it should be
Yes, I’m aware of my beauty
but what I dislike the most is being judged
and having others assume things of me
all because of the way I look
I’m overly sensitive
but I really don’t think
I desire that much
Sure
I’ve got multiple talents
I do everything artistic
literally I do
I’m just not a very good dancer
I have insecurities
I’ve got secrets no one knows
I’ve actually got a lot of those
but I’m not afraid to say what I think and feel
I do more things for people
and often when I do
I don’t get much of a thank you from anyone
Somehow I always seem to be treated like a doormat
when I opened up to my class once while we talked about relationships
a girl said to me “but your so sweet!!”
and she’s right
I’ve never asked for anything from the people I’ve been nice to either
I’m used to disappointment in relationships
and men only wanting me for one reason
the lust in their hearts
not actual love in their hearts
which I’ve dreamed of my whole life
ever since I was seven years old
and the greatest love story of my life
fell to pieces
the love of my parents
who now hate each other
I vowed I could never do that
I’d never get a divorce
I’d never fall out of love
so I fell for small gestures others did for me
or tiny glances
meaningless things to others
I took and made meaningful to me
I still hear that male voice saying “I love you”
and I realize that it’s god saying he loves me
but its more then one voice now
two different voices
I’m sure it’s not Jesus
since I know what he sounds like
but I assume its a call
from whoever is meant to have my heart
as faint as it may be
I still can hear it
I still want wings
more then anything
more then a lover to call my own
more then love itself
or fitting in
I wanna fly away
I don’t care if I fall too close to the sun
and plunge into the sea
I want wings
How come other people get held when they cry?
but anyone who has held me while I cried left?…
anyone who said they loved me.. left
any guy really
it’s like they convinced me they loved me and never meant it
I don’t want to be around anyone tomorrow
I want a week of isolation
rebelliousoceannymph 