bullshit | rebelliousoceannymph

That’s it then..

He’s gone and he probably hates my guts

That’s it then

I’m no longer your daughter

That’s it then

You didn’t kiss me on new years

That’s it then

What we had is gone

That’s it then

I’m done, I’m letting go of you both and moving forward with my life.. the two men I thought I could trust with my life now I can no longer look at you and one of you being the man who helped create me.

Shame on you both.

Fuck both of you.

You have both brought me to tears more then I can say

I’m done letting that happen, so fucking done with it!

I’ll forget our memory’s and I’ll stop thinking of you.

Fine, you treat me like I am no longer your child then I’m not and I will act as if I am not.

Fuck you both.

There is a real man coming into my life this year, in the year of 2013, I know it, maybe there will be even more then one. There will be many fucking people who will love me more then the two of you ever could wrap your arms around.

He will be very into me, I already blogged about him, whoever he is but I know I’ll be meeting him, I’ll be seeing him and he will be kissing me.

So fuck you for breaking my heart a thousand times, I gave you everything, I never gave up on you, I told you everything, I bought you nice things, I said I love you more then you ever could. Fuck you. You will get fat and ugly like the rest of them, I guarantee you! and I.. I will become more beautiful as I mature, you know why? you wanna know why Zach? because.. unlike you and your bitter friends, I have more soul and heart and kindness in me, I can part real beauty from the fake.. not on the outside but on the inside and you SIR (I’ll give you the same nickname I gave Jackson, since the two of you are quite a like) you have very little on the inside, you are as ugly as you feel. There was a lesson I needed to learn in us and this is the last time I will ever speak of you again, the very last time, since you fail to deserve to be in the very words I write and type up flowing from my thoughts and my actions. You knew you didn’t deserve me, you knew, I know you did. It practically killed you to say those words didn’t it? (“Fuck off, just fuck off, I don’t love you anymore, I’m sick of you, I’m sick of this pressure, fuck off I never want to see you again”) You were crying, or you must have cried after. Losing me is a pretty fucking sad thing. I’m guessing your only really realizing it till now. You think of me at least once each night. You have no choice now but too. The memory of me is living and you are feeling more foolish as days go on, how fucking stupid you are for letting a beautiful girl who held on for so long just go but not only that banishing her, trying to forget but only realizing that it jut brings me back into your brain more. I know you Zach. Well I knew you but.. I don’t want to know you again. I wasted three fucking good goodbyes on your sorry ass. Fuck you. I don’t loose sleep over thinking about you now. Fuck you.

So, Fuck you for not holding me when I needed you most. Fuck you for completely disowning me on the day of the new year. You used to act so much more like the man I called me “Daddy” but over the past, what? eight years now? I have yet to see him in you. You fucking lie to everyone, You have been lying to me since I was twelve fucking years old! you know how many years that is up to now? that is seven fucking years. SEVEN going on EIGHT. The age I was when my pride and joy, little sibling was born. And now your hardly even supporting her too. It’s like you’ve made yourself this new family, it isn’t yours dad. It never will be. That son isn’t your fucking son, he’s your girlfriends, yet, you give him more love and attention then you have ever given me! You don’t believe in god, its physically impossible for you too now, its all bullshit, you’ve been an atheist since I was a little girl and you still say you don’t believe in ghosts which means I can easily tell you are completely bullshitting everyone. You don’t care about your own children anymore, you push us both aside like we are just there. Nothing else. Fuck you. Your so cheap you can’t even give your daughters money to go shopping with you, you never buy grocery’s and you have become a swinger. Your a sex addict and you use woman. Your not the greatest dad and you will never be king. I can’t love you anymore, I have tried and you have sucked a lot of my happiness out of me. Fuck you. You always always always put down every damn word I say, you don’t know everything so fuck you. I’m nineteen and I ave lived more then you have, I have learned more then you have. MY soul is years over then yours because your soul has gone from you, you have no fucking clue who you are! Fuck you! I have tried to help you, I have tried to get through to you but you lie and lie and lie, When your a bitter old man like grandpa was, I hope you get the chance he did to try to love because I’m not paying for a dead mans funeral. I want to be able to cry not feel ashamed of being there. Grandpa (your dad) had that chance to regain love but inside he still was unsure, I know that now, I’ve seen him, You’d never believe me if I told you that he’s said goodnight to me twice, that I’ve seen him in the hallway before his funeral, it must have been the night of his actual death. I got you a man bracelette with a cross and a prayer on it because you said you believe in god, you don’t wear it, its all bullshit and your one person who is full of it. You’ve never been single in your life. The more you push me away, the more I actually miss your ex-wife Yvonne. She has always been there when you were not, because of your stupidity she was the one who went nuts. I know exactly what that feels like. I still to this day love that woman very very very much. I had the best conversations with her and its all your fault I can’t see her yet. Once I can drive I am going to visit her, I’m going to ask her to teach me piano, I’m going to draw with her and hug her all up and you cannot stop me. Fuck you for hurting so many brilliant beautiful woman. Fuck you.

Now that I’ve got all of last years thoughts out. Whew.

The two main bullshiters and dumb fucks. Oh is that bit of rage coming from me? haha

nawwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhh dawwwwwwwwwwwgggggg

I’m all good now 🙂

Thanks for such a odd eventful year 😛

2013 yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So I honestly don’t understand right about now..

I have had memory’s just streaming through my head of old lovers and shit and I have been trying to cry but I guess I’m all cried out and too happy to even do anything about it.

Its like the tears are just in there and they wont show unless I truly am sad but I’m not sad at all I just feel this odd emotion that I cannot identify

and its all because of my disintegrating relationship with my father, the fact that he can hardly look at me, he can’t hold me and he push’s me away at any chance I get to just talk with him. I feel like he has completely disowned me. His own girlfriend and her child are more important then I am. He hardly supports us anymore, he doesn’t buy grocery’s or ever take us out to dinner. It’s like he wants something different, its like he is hardly there for me or my little sister. He just doesn’t see us. The thing is the man is never been single in his entire life, its been affair after affair with him and when I try to reason with him he just says “you don’t want me to love her” but you see, he can’t love her, he can hardly love himself or his own children. I don’t pity him anymore. It’s not in me too since he has lied to me and my little sister.

He went from being a total atheist to actually believing in a god but that is all BULLSHIT. Everything is bullshit. It’s just a show to keep his girlfriend with him because sex and hearing that he is a fantastic person is the only shit he can take to keep on living.

I don’t think I can stand it any longer. I know he doesn’t accept me so I have stopped trying.

So there you go, this is something I said I would never post about.. but I did so do what you will with this information, I could care less.

I feel so bored, like where is the exciting stuff? you know? I feel like I just get up and get dressed, write, do artwork, watch television, eat food and sleep. That’s not very exciting.

I know that something will happen though.. I can feel it so most likely it will hah so hopefully I’m right, I do have a good intuition at some points so we shall see.

I just hope everything will turn out how its suppose to and no one will really get hurt or anything like that.

Ugh

HAPPEN HAPPEN HAPPEN HAPPEN PLEASE

I’m done now, I can’t really think of anything now..

I’ll be back when my mind is jumbled by words