It’s Just Nice To Feel Special Sometimes

So I have been having the same dream about the same person for the past two weeks now.. 

Sometimes it’s more romantic, sometimes it’s more sexual.. 

but it’s always the same dream!! 

I’m not entirely sure if this means I’ve been thinking about this person too much 

or if he is thinking about me 

I still do not know why my nose has been itching so much

or who could be thinking about me 

but anything is possible 

my gut was totally right about someone coming back 

so my gut must be right about other things too

no one can really keep secrets from me 

because I just find out anyway 

and when things are obvious they are obviously obvious 

I mean you can take back your words 

but I see “passion” as clear as day 

and that is something that cannot be hidden easily 

especially if devotion is in it as well 

I’m not gonna turn a friendship into a romance 

unless I know the feeling is mutual 

you know now that I think about it..

I’m not sure if was a dream or more of a vision 

oh my god.. 

maybe it was a vision 

I mean my visions always feel more real 

and that felt real 

that didn’t feel much like a dream..

my visions only end up accurate 

based on that person decisions though 

and the choices they make 

for example 

after my slightly recent 

boyfriend broke up with me 

I no longer saw him in my future 

I ended up seeing what his future looked like instead 

with the ex before him 

I knew he was going to dump me 

but that was more in my intuition then a vision 

but I did have a vision of the last time we would see each other that summer..

and I knew that that kiss was the last one I’d ever get 

If I become very close to someone 

I can see their future 

and if they choose to have me in it 

if they even consider it 

I can see that too 

I wish I could just know what my future looks like now 

maybe then 

things would seem less of a challenge to get there 

I think I’m more concerned that I could just end up alone 

that no ones gonna want to take 

an opportunity to love me and get to know all of me 

I’ve had dreams of what this person is like 

but I never get to know what he looks like 

or hear what he sounds like 

unless I’m with someone 

and they want me in their future

Do you think someone would ever wait for me? 

if I waited for them? 

or is that not entirely possible? 

is there someone waiting for me now?

or are they searching for me too? 

Damn, what I would give to just know that I have been found 

I know there isn’t just “one” of “the one” 

but I’d like to know that 

I’m taken good care of 

I know that almost every girl 

is like 

“Oh I wanna get married and have a big fat ass wedding that’s worth a ton of money 

and I’m just like 

no thanks, I think a small wedding sounds good 

do guys even think about marriage? 

can they just realize that they want to marry this certain girl? 

is there just something about this girl that makes them think “oh wow, I want her to have my kids”? 

Wow, that is a very deep question

I’v only ever been with one guy who wanted to marry me.. 

he would always say “lets have kids!” 

and since I was only 17, I was like 

“No! I’m not having a baby at 17” 

and of course we broke up 

he was my longest relationship actually 

5 months or 6 months, 

so half a year 

I don’t really remember much though 

wasn’t my best relationship 

I’ve date nothing but boy’s 

I’d like to date a man for once 

one who would just love to commit to me 

no matter what the cost 

to just have that sense of devotion 

where he’s proud to say 

“That’s my girlfriend, she’s my best friend and I love her” 

with that bond that we worked hard to get to 

that trust 

that is what I want 

I wanna be loved for who I am 

in every way 

be seen for who I am 

see him for who he is 

I think kisses are the best way to show that you care for someone 

romantically that is 

I know I should probably tone down my love for love though 

if I want to get somewhere 

but maybe there is someone who appreciates that in me 

It’s just nice to feel special you know?

and sometimes girls like me 

we take risks to feel like that 

even if it means our hearts get broken 

I’ve done things that I do regret 

to get the feeling 

of being special 

it’s hard these days to find someone who doesn’t want anything from you

instead of just wanting to make you happy and love you

most people just leave after they have taken what they want 

but there are still some of us who stay around because we care 

and because we’d do anything to see you happy 

I don’t know how many people there are like that in my life right now 

I can tell you two, including my family but that’s about it 

this is gonna sound like a really dumb question but why do people leave and come back?

do they realize they made a mistake so they turn around and try and fix it?

or is it because they feel sorry about what they did before and they want to make it up to the person? 

or is it just something they saw that they didn’t see before?

can that happen? 

do they just come back to be nice? 

I think this is the first time someone has ever come back 

not wanting to take anything from me 

I guess I don’t really need to know why 

but I think the second most common reason people come back 

is because it’s something in their heart and in their head 

that tell’s them 

there are some people who never intend on coming back so they close the door 

with words like 

“lets just be friends” 

or 

“I don’t deserve you” 

at least after a relationship 

I believe that those are the words used 

believe me I’ve heard them a lot 

I know an awful lot about love 

I’ve been through quite a lot myself 

to finally know what real love is 

one day

someone’s gonna be lucky enough

to give me that real love 

I just wish I knew who