Tag Archives: phone call

Listen To The Quiet Whisper The Hope That Fly’s

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Ooooooooo 

Let’s discuss communication! 

I may blog all the time but being on my laptop really isn’t my favorite thing

I’m very much an outdoorsy woman 

I’m serious 

even the school I went to for high school we were expected to go out and camp 

I prefer outside rather then inside 

I don’t really like texting or emailing 

I’m a sucker for talking on the phone 

and just hanging out 

“but that’s so lame Zoe..”

shut up it is not! 

talking on the phone is more personal 

as is hanging out 

I don’t mind video chatting either 

it can be fun 

but I haven’t had a real talk on the phone in a long time 

I’ve talked with people till 4 AM once 

but the lastest I’ve actually ever talked with someone was like till 6 AM 

and that wasn’t on the phone 

that was texting 

and that just beat every record in the book.. 

at least in my book 

I mean 1 AM-6AM 

that’s a fucking long time 

that’s like.. 

1/4th of a day?

whatever I suck at math 

I mean holy cow!!!!!

I could have totally been a bitch and ignored the text 

but no 

it came as such a surprise to me 

that I had to answer the question being asked 

I will never turn a question down 

unless it’s from someone who has done me wrong 

You know 

I think that night I had pretty much given up all hope 

that anyone was different out there 

and that there would never be someone who would listen 

and two days before that 

I had let my sadness get a hold of me 

I don’t know why it happened like it did 

or why I choose to be sad for two entire nights 

but you know 

I really think that after terrible sad things happen to you 

that something better, something good, something worth plenty 

will show up and it’s sometimes based on the decision you make 

for instance 

I wouldn’t be in contact with this wonderful human again 

if he hadn’t texted me that night 

and completely changed my mind on everything that I thought before about giving up 

I would have given up

I would have completely given up on what I wanted most 

but this man has offered me friendship 

he has chosen to know me differently then the rest 

he has chosen not to be a complete asshole 

and lucky for me I’m the one person he talks to most 

I have always had a large amount of admiration towards him 

I don’t entirely know how that happened 

but he would always look to me for advice 

I think there has always been admiration between us it’s just never really been acknowledged or spoken of 

I may have made the mistake of not choosing him first

but then again had I we may not be where we are now

 

I can honestly say that he’s staying, he doesn’t want to leave and he’s not going to

and neither am I  

Nothing he could say or do could make me leave him

I don’t think I was the one who left 

I think he’s right 

I think he left me 

I didn’t loose him though 

he just left 

If I had really lost him he wouldn’t have come back

out of all the people that have left me before 

who I thought had hearts 

I’d say he’s the only one that actually has one 

in the past he wasn’t really there for me when I was there for him 

I don’t think that really matters now though 

but if I have to listen to him talk of another girl he finds himself falling in love with 

(not sure if this makes me a bad friend) 

I will go nuts and be a jealous jealous bitch 

I will go on and on about how sick I am of being jealous and I will make comments like “what does she have that I don’t?” 

hey! I can be a whinny bitch if I want! just don’t tell me who your in love with if I happen to admire you a great amount okay! 

but then again not knowing could kill me with jealousy too 

so yeah.. 

I wonder how much he admires me

I mean could he think of me from time to time? or is that just not possible? 

I know we both have no idea what’s gonna happen with us 

although maybe he has some idea 

I might have some idea too 

I don’t want to get my hopes up though if it’s not going to happen

he goes away for college and I’m staying here 

That’s like 3 years from now 

I mean he could meet someone between now and then 

and I probably could too

but I really don’t want to 

and that probably sounds creepy 

and ugh 

I don’t talk to anyone like I can talk to him 

I’ve never admired anyone like I admire him 

he’s much more real then anyone I’ve ever had the chance to get close to 

I do wish that he would have fallen in love with me first 

but like I said 

I wouldn’t be where I am now 

you know how I can feel energy and peoples emotions?

for some reason I can feel his more then anyone else’s 

I suppose that’s why I felt I had to answer that text 

and you know how I can heal people too 

well I can’t heal him 

for some reason I just can’t do it 

I don’t know why. 

He asked me this one question 

before about if I actually cared about him and what he thinks and feels 

or if I just wanted him where I want him..

That surprised me a lot actually 

I mean he may not believe it but 

his happiness has always meant a lot to me 

I don’t put him on a pedestal or anything and worship him 

he and I are equals 

and he’s the one guy who 

doesn’t see me as a freak 

and he want’s to know me 

I don’t know if he want’s the whole trust, other half thing

with me 

maybe someday he will 

maybe he does now 

I do not know

He is worth the wait 

I do want to wait for him

I mean I can just work on myself on the way 

and do what I want 

but 

if he and I end up together 

I can’t have us break 

I don’t want to loose him

not again 

not ever again

I won’t let that happen

 

 

 

 

 

 

This One’s For You & You Can Tell Everybody That This is Your Song

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I still feel like 

something 

completely unexpected 

is going to happen

and it’s going to be something

to do with my love life

and it’s going to happen 

SOON

my gut has gotten really nervous about it 

like really really really nervous 

because I have no fucking idea what is going to happen

I had this vision last night 

and in it 

I got a call 

and there was a manly voice which I recognized on the other line 

and he said 

“Your not going to believe me when I say this Zoe and it may sound a bit silly considering my actions but I miss you and I think I need you in my life” 

“You think?” 

“No. I know” 

“Why are you telling me all this now?” 

“Because I’m on my way to your house, Mom’s right?”

“Yeah.. Okay”

Yup, I did not believe him and I woke up before I could figure out if he was actually on his way 

and by the sound of his voice 

it sounded a lot like he was 

but I was nervous before that vision

for some reason my gut just got crazy

and I tarted shaking and feeling nervous 

and it was like it was telling me 

that someone was coming back 

and I most likely wouldn’t be prepared for it 

at least it made me feel that way 

but still 

this gut feeling will not disappear

my intuition is telling me 

that I’ve done all I can do

and should be expecting a surprise 

out of no where 

either sometime this weekend 

or Friday or even Thursday/ Wednesday at the earliest 

that kind of freaks me out 

because

I do not know

who 

or when 

and I don’t have any control over this situation 

being a Scorpio

I like control 

but I also like to share my control

which is weird but whatever 

I am not sure if I’m going to get over this nervousness 

till this event happens 

I feel like day by day 

it’s drawing nearer and nearer 

I know when it happens 

I will make the right decision

I’m sure that when it happens

I will cry

not sad tears

okay, maybe

a bit of both

but you know

it’s gonna change my life forever

and that’s a good thing

this time

I wont be doing all of the work

to keep us together

because whoever he is

he’ll want it too

and he does want me

whoever he is

I can feel it

and I most likely know who he is

but right now

I could not tell you who

since I don’t know

if that makes sense

I mean once I hear his voice

through the phone

I’ll know

 

and I know

that good things

can’t last forever

since forever

is more then any human could possibly know

but this time

things will be different

no stupid immature games

or disrespect

just kindness

and affection

two hearts wide open

so by all means

let it happen

Mother Nature

I may not be 100% ready

but I’m 98% instead

so that should be good enough

let’s make it happen

I am still a bit sad and depressed about

the baby not being able to live

but according to my therapist

that’s normal and I should talk to someone about it

so that my emotions don’t go extreme

but no one will listen

no one but you beautiful people

who seem to care about my life and my writing

so I hope that’s okay if I tell you about it sometime

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