Tag Archives: gone

REGRET LOOSING ME

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You’re going to wish
You never let me go
When you see
How far I’ve gone
For sure
My success
Will make you
Jealous
You will see me
In the future
And just
Regret it all
A few years
From now
I’ll be signing
Autographs
At the mall
The pain you
Caused me
In the past
Will only
Make me stronger
My hair
Will be longer
Happiness
Will forever
Be in my path
And you’ll feel
The wrath
And rush of sadness
Only then
Will you beg
For me back

Life’s For The Living So Live it!

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You know what I don’t understand?

I’m not alone 

but I feel like I am quite often 

I’m not sure why that is 

and for the first time in my life 

I’ve let go of so many things from my past 

it’s liberating and tiring all at the same time 

I still have homework to do 

and I’m stressed beyond belief

I’d really like to just snuggle up in someones arms

and sleep

it’s been such a long time

since someone who actually cared about me

held me in their arms

now I’m not a needy person I swear

but I like intimacy

and affection

I love knowing how absolutely appreciated I am

even if it’s just the two of us laughing

like with my new friends in college  

just their smile can bring me happiness 

Yes, I am the girl 

who’s daddy was never proud of her

who left her in the dark about events 

who could not show his love 

I’m slightly still that girl 

so of course I would search for acceptance 

and love in other places 

places that I probably shouldn’t have looked 

when all along 

all I had to do was look into myself 

and love myself for who I am 

you don’t have to go searching for love 

you may think you do 

but baby you really don’t 

it’s here all along 

inside you 

it’s taken me almost twenty years to figure that out 

so tell the haters to go fuck themselves 

you are amazing, beautiful,charming,intelligent, 

don’t let anyone tell you any different 

you deserve to love yourself 

you can love yourself 

you may struggle 

but you are strong 

please smile for me 

please laugh 

spend time with people who care about you 

now I know we don’t know each other personally 

okay 

maybe we do 

but I don’t know that 

only you do 

so I don’t care who you are 

I care about you 

know you are loved 

if not by many 

then by one 

and that means a whole fucking lot 

I thank you so much for your support 

no matter how long you have been with my blog 

or in my life 

thank you 

lets be friends 

now I know I may bitch sometimes 

and say sorry for things I probably didn’t do

i don’t give a shit about 

what “flaws” you think you have 

or what “sins” (haha)

(I don’t believe in that word)

I love everyone! 

all of you! 

you hear! 

now so what if my love life has been crap

up until now I think.. 

things happen to happen

and if I can get over my past 

and easily move the fuck on from a fucking asshole 

who didn’t deserve me in the first place 

then you honey 

can love yourself 

and not accept “stereotypes” or “labels”

stick up for yourself 

do whatever the hell you want 

make memory’s to remember 

never give up

smile til your face hurts 

laugh so hard you pee in your pants 

take chances 

kiss someone new 

write on your walls 

sing so loud the neighbors hear 

masturbate as much as you want 

treasure your moments 

and I 

will always be here for you 

 

 

 

 

Please..

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I don’t know 

why I suddenly feel like the whole world is against me 

it’s like my happiness just doesn’t matter to anyone anymore 

I cried yesterday 

and now I’m crying again today 

it’s like Mother Nature is just purposefully 

taking away the people that I love 

and that I thought I could see in my future 

and now she’s taking away the one person who understands me 

and the one person who knows me better then anyone else 

even my best friend 

I know I’m not perfect 

but this is just mean 

so mean in so many ways 

and now its like he doesn’t really care about me anymore 

at least that’s what it looks like 

it’s almost like no one really cares about me 

no one is even trying to care about me 

I’ve thought about killing myself 

how my funeral could be the one thing to make someone come back

just anyone really 

My heart aches so much right now 

it’s like I’m the rain almost 

and 

I can’t stop the rain from falling 

I have no faith 

all I’ve got is hope 

and that’s not doing any good for me right now 

why does my heart continue to do this?

I just simply fall in love with 

certain people who show me kindness 

or connect with me in a rare way 

only to be hurt badly in the end 

Mother Nature why did you have to take him away from me?

WHY? this isn’t fair 

not to me 

and not my heart 

or even him 

we are two pieces of the puzzle 

then you let him go thousands of miles away 

and I’m going to have to let him go 

and I wont be his last love like I want 

I’m grieving about all of this before it has even happened

ugh, what is wrong with me?

I feel so disgusted with myself now

my lip is quivering

that’s a first

I think you can hear the pain very much in the way that I’m crying

what if it’s his voice that I’m hearing?

OH FUCK

I don’t know

maybe I am a total nutcase and just super crazy

if there’s anyone out there 

who cares for me 

even just a little 

could you let me know 

please 

could you please come see me 

or something 

just call me up on the phone 

I need to hear someones voice 

please let whoever 

is saying 

“Zoe, I love you, I love you Zoe” 

or 

“I love Zoe, I’m in love with Zoe” 

to just speak to me 

please 

that’s all I ask 

I won’t ask for anything else 

ever again 

I promise 

just please don’t take away 

the people I love 

please 

 

I’m On My Way From Misery To Happiness Today

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You ever notice that whenever someone

“leaves” or “walks out” of your life 

it’s almost like they died?

it hurts that much 

and since you stop talking to them for a large amount of time 

it’s starts feeling like it almost is real

that they may not be dead in real life 

or in your heart 

but your life becomes empty without them

until they realize 

what they are missing 

then they come back 

and admit that they fucked up 

but you soon realize 

life is better without them

or you welcome them back into your life with open arms 

I haven’t had coffee in a long time 

this is the first time in a really long time 

I’d almost forgotten the taste 

I love coffee and I love tea 

both can make you live longer 

laughing can make you live longer 

I haven’t had a real laugh in a long time 

but everything is going to be okay 

and sooner then later 

I’ll be smiling again 

I’ll be driving 

I’ll be packing 

I’ll be working 

and 

I’ll be learning 

then someday 

I’ll be going to Ireland

and Paris 

and The U.K 

I’ll meet people 

and experience grand things 

and see so much 

maybe I’m not entirely meant 

to fall in love yet 

maybe my Irish man or English man 

is with all the wrong woman 

maybe he’s learning just as I am 

and not many people know of his guitar skills 

and the way he draws 

maybe he isn’t famous but one day he will be 

and we’ll meet on the red carpet somewhere 

or at one of my art shows 

I know one day I’ll go to New York City 

so maybe he’s there 

it’s all just right around the corner

and people that have made themselves 

dead in my life 

will miss out on my success 

it’s just the way things are meant to be 

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This One’s For You & You Can Tell Everybody That This is Your Song

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I still feel like 

something 

completely unexpected 

is going to happen

and it’s going to be something

to do with my love life

and it’s going to happen 

SOON

my gut has gotten really nervous about it 

like really really really nervous 

because I have no fucking idea what is going to happen

I had this vision last night 

and in it 

I got a call 

and there was a manly voice which I recognized on the other line 

and he said 

“Your not going to believe me when I say this Zoe and it may sound a bit silly considering my actions but I miss you and I think I need you in my life” 

“You think?” 

“No. I know” 

“Why are you telling me all this now?” 

“Because I’m on my way to your house, Mom’s right?”

“Yeah.. Okay”

Yup, I did not believe him and I woke up before I could figure out if he was actually on his way 

and by the sound of his voice 

it sounded a lot like he was 

but I was nervous before that vision

for some reason my gut just got crazy

and I tarted shaking and feeling nervous 

and it was like it was telling me 

that someone was coming back 

and I most likely wouldn’t be prepared for it 

at least it made me feel that way 

but still 

this gut feeling will not disappear

my intuition is telling me 

that I’ve done all I can do

and should be expecting a surprise 

out of no where 

either sometime this weekend 

or Friday or even Thursday/ Wednesday at the earliest 

that kind of freaks me out 

because

I do not know

who 

or when 

and I don’t have any control over this situation 

being a Scorpio

I like control 

but I also like to share my control

which is weird but whatever 

I am not sure if I’m going to get over this nervousness 

till this event happens 

I feel like day by day 

it’s drawing nearer and nearer 

I know when it happens 

I will make the right decision

I’m sure that when it happens

I will cry

not sad tears

okay, maybe

a bit of both

but you know

it’s gonna change my life forever

and that’s a good thing

this time

I wont be doing all of the work

to keep us together

because whoever he is

he’ll want it too

and he does want me

whoever he is

I can feel it

and I most likely know who he is

but right now

I could not tell you who

since I don’t know

if that makes sense

I mean once I hear his voice

through the phone

I’ll know

 

and I know

that good things

can’t last forever

since forever

is more then any human could possibly know

but this time

things will be different

no stupid immature games

or disrespect

just kindness

and affection

two hearts wide open

so by all means

let it happen

Mother Nature

I may not be 100% ready

but I’m 98% instead

so that should be good enough

let’s make it happen

I am still a bit sad and depressed about

the baby not being able to live

but according to my therapist

that’s normal and I should talk to someone about it

so that my emotions don’t go extreme

but no one will listen

no one but you beautiful people

who seem to care about my life and my writing

so I hope that’s okay if I tell you about it sometime

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They Don’t See You Like I Do, Darling I Do, See You

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And She wilted like a flower

her angel wings 

caving into her naked body

her legs unable to walk

but to only swim

oh how life can be so grim 

making sure 

to keep her head above water

she would weep 

her wings would 

disappear

slowly turning invisible

and in their place is a tail 

of a fish 

but she cannot swim 

nope 

not one bit 

she sinks 

falling into 

the dark oblivion

there is no light right now

not so far under

she saves herself

over and over again

when will she be free?

“when will someone actually hold onto me?” 

she asks the world 

far less spoken

“can someone just love me!” 

she pleads 

a child was once in her womb 

gone now in a tomb 

it’s father will no longer listen

to the cry’s 

of the childless mother 

he will not jump head first into the water

to bring air to the fallen angels lungs 

at least not yet

in time 

they could make it 

things could 

change 

it’s better not 

to 

rearrange the dates 

one after another 

causing a pattern 

of love 

and disaster 

two young people 

meant to be 

but nothing is easy 

“I’m going to fix everything” 

he could say

but right now it’s better this way

just for a short time 

everything will be fine 

it will be alright 

she wont push it 

though the loss is tragic 

two humans 

gone in one night 

and only one of them would not fight 

while the other rested peacefully asleep 

but was too early to keep

she will be independent 

under the sea 

and he 

will miss she 

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