Complete The Connection

“You live in your own world don’t you? to escape reality?” he asked her as they sat across each other in the empty coffee shop, It wasn’t one of those chain shops, it was more of a family owned business.

She held her chai tea latte quite gracefully but this question seemed to catch her off guard. She took a deep breath, tapped her foot and replied “I have no choice. If I let the majority of my mind slip fully into reality I have a higher risk of thinking that I am insane, if I let my mind seep into what isn’t reality then I loose myself. I live between worlds of the living and the dead and what’s real and what isn’t. It’s a battle everyday for me to not feel like I’m some total freak but I’m just the way I am, even if it is hard to be me”   

He didn’t budge an inch, he didn’t look scared, he just stayed. He gazed at her with such admiration she felt herself blush a little. Then the unexpected came out of her mouth. 

“I’m not an easy person to understand.. it can be hard for people to love me” 

“Why do you say that?” he asked getting deeper into the conversation, he began to play footsie with her under the table, she giggled, it had been quite a long time since someone showed affection towards her like that. 

“Well..” she began to explain, “No one’s really been willing to give me what I want” she finished with a sigh and bit her lip. 

He looked completely fascinated by the words she said and asked “What do you want?” 

He placed his hand on hers as she took a big sip of her coffee, she could always down a lot of coffee, it relaxed her and calmed her body, it always put her right to sleep at night. 

She smiled at him, “I want true love, I want a bond with someone that nobody has ever had before. I want to work really hard to get to that place where I fall more and more in love with him each day as I get to know him more and more each day. I want something special that lasts for years and years. I want to be someone’s wife and have someone’s children, I want a house on a lake and to go camping whenever I please..” she paused, took a deep breath and spoke softly “I want to never be alone” 

She finished off her coffee. Then looked out the window. Her long wavy brown redish hair outlining her pale face. She never wore makeup, she let the sunlight hit her face. 

His mouth dropped open with surprise. He knew she was beautiful but this, this moment, made his heart beat faster then it ever had before in his life. He said quietly “Oh, my god, it’s you…” 

She turned to him “Pardon?” she asked. Her entire being seemed to light up with the sun. 

He felt like he couldn’t breath, he began to feel like he wanted to give her as much of himself as he could. He wanted to see her always happy, to hear her voice as often as he could, he wanted to give her everything her heart desired and in that moment he knew he was exactly where he wanted to be. 

“Oh.. nothin'” he said shyly, but his look was quite obvious, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, she knew exactly what it meant. 

“Wanna get outta here?” she asked with a smile. 

He nodded. 

“Sure your done with your coffee?” 

He replied with a nod again. 

She grabbed his hand and they walked out of the coffee shop. 

“Here” he said “Lets take my car, I wanna show you something” 

“We are not having sex in your car!!” she laughed. 

“No. I know. I wanna show you my favorite place” he smiled at her sweetly. 

“Alright! Lets go!” she remarked happily. 

They got into his car. Hand still in hand. The radio playing in the background as they exchanged stories and spoke of interest’s. 

She found herself unable to speak of those who had broken her heart. She no longer put herself down, saying she is “fucked up” or “crazy”, with him, things were different. She didn’t have to pretend that she was made of sugar and spice and everything nice, he saw threw every small part of her. He cared about her all the same. Nothing about her could make him leave. He’d be a fool to leave her now, especially since he cared so much about her and how. 

Less then an hour later, they came to a dirt road leading to a parking lot and on the other side of that small parking lot was a forest, it looked so green and magical almost. She loved nature. Since she was expected to go on camping trips quite often with her high school, she always felt more at home in the wilderness, the water, the rocks, you name it, she loved it. She had no fear of any animal or insect, if you put her in a cage near a lion the lion would find its own way to love her, her soul, was pure, animals and humans a-like both knew. 

She felt her eyes widen at the sight of the forest “It’s so beautiful” she said softly. 

He smiled at her. It was the perfect moment to just say “You’re beautiful” 

That made her grin, she thanked him with a kiss on the cheek. 

He was hoping for more of a kiss on the lips but that was bound to happen at some point. 

They both got out of the car, their hands magnetizing together once again. They made their way to the obvious grey stoned path leading down the center of the forest. Walking and exchanging childhood memory’s, dreams and hobby’s. 

They came to a bridge. He insisted on giving her a piggy back ride. She was a short girl so it was pretty fun for both of them to have her casually jump onto his back without laughing, that was unsuccessful. They ended up laughing pretty hard. 

As they crossed the bridge they came to a small beach with white sand. He put her down, even though he clearly didn’t want to. She took her shoes off and ran into the lake. He sat on a pretty sand colored log and watched her. 

By this time the sun was going down. There was a lamp light by a tiny public bathroom nearby so they could find their way back to the car if they needed to. She couldn’t help but sing.. 

“Dear Prudence, won’t you come out to play? Dear Prudence, greet the brand new daaaayyyyyy. The sun is up, the sky is blue..” 

She looked at him “It’s beautiful.. and so are you. Dear Prudence, won’t you come out to play?”  He smiled and she smiled. 

“Can you sing?” she asked in a fake British accent, she thought it would sound sexy. 

He laughed, “Yes, but I’m not very good” 

She grinned then gave him a sexy look. “I don’t care, sing for me”

She stepped out of the lake and came to sit on the log next to him.

He sang “‘Cause I don’t wanna loose ya nowww, I’m lookin’ right at the otha half of me! The vacancy that sat on my heart is a space that now you hollllddd. Show me how to fight for now.. and I tell you baby it was eassayy comin’ back here to you once I figured it out, you were right here all along” 

She giggled and then joked “Your right you suck” 

He blushed full on red. “Oh shut up” he remarked jokingly. He smirked. “Your ticklish aren’t you?” 

“Not really, you’ll have to find out where” she half smiled and gave him a silly face. 

He moved in a bit closer to her, his face caressed her bare neck, then he put his face right where he caressed her and breathed in and out. She couldn’t stop laughing. 

“How did you know?” she asked 

“Oh I have my ways” he said with a smirk

She blushed. 

He kissed her neck this time, leading up to her lips. Before he went in for the kiss, he looked at her, straight in the eyes, he put a piece of her hair behind her ear then moved slowly in for a kiss. There lips fit so well together, they both felt a tingle and a jolt run threw their body’s, the connection was complete. 

 

 

 

Maybe Just Maybe

Have I told you the story of the girl 

who thought she still was pregnant

because she felt sick at 2 am

then she walked

a extremely long way

to Walgreen’s

to get

two pregnancy tests

 

then when she got home

so used them right away

waited 10 minutes

and got a faint

negative on both of them

  but I still feel pregnant

but I have none of the main symptoms

and I’m not craving things yet

it’s only been 6 weeks

and I thought I saw the baby

when I thought I had a miscarriage

I’m so confused

but clearly I’m not pregnant

and I still like a guy

who will most likely never like me back again

 

and I’m planning all of these glorious things

that I hope will happen

but I still cannot help but grieve

over my baby

I mean maybe I should just get  an ultrsound

just in case

but I can’t feel any kicks or anything

it’s been around a month

I haven’t barfed

or anything 

I’ve gotten the shivers and felt sick one or twice 

but that’s it 

I’m not criaving anything 

I’ve been loosing weight more then gaining 

my nipples are more pink then brown

I still wish he hadn’t left 

I mean you can’t just make an excuse

and then walk out 

like why can’t he come back huh?

am I really that “annoying”? 

what is it with me and changing men into assholes?

or are they assholes and I just can’t see that?

I mean what a mistake 

this perfect guy walks into my life 

and then less then a month later 

he walks out 

real man don’t walk out on a woman

after their baby has died

you could have fucking 

tried a little harder 

you know?

I don’t know why I continue to talk about this 

but I thought for more then one second 

that maybe I could love this guy you know?

you know? like maybe 

just this time things could be different

like maybe 

I wouldn’t be hurt anymore

why I thought that I don’t know

I guess we all just wish for that 

ray of sunshine 

or for things to actually turn out how we want 

this is the second time 

I’ve had a scare 

sometimes 

It’s like I want the future to fast 

because the present is just not what I wanted it to be like 

sometimes it sucks 

sometimes it doesn’t 

but that is just life

and life is what it is 

and I’m done saying bad things about myself 

I’m done fighting for things that wont happen

and people who don’t care 

because it is just like I what said before

it’s my god damn turn 

and I’m done screwing it up 

Image

 

 

 

Part 2 Its Just Moo!

Day 4 

I feel like I’ve got no sense of time here.

I miss people I know, people who probably never read this blog, maybe they do, I shall never know.

Am I just going to live with this feeling till I find someone else to have a “crush” on? Ugh, I don’t believe this, I mean I’m not desperate or anything, you don’t see me making out with the first guy I see. No. No. No. No. I’m so much better then that.

There’s gotta be someone out there for me, someone different like me, someone who thinks like an artist and does one heck of a sexy fake British accent, someone who wants to be with me ever second of the day, who loves the way I talk, smell and laugh. I’d like it if he adored my laugh. Someone with beautiful eyes, eyes that touch your very soul and I smile that stays with you, you never forget it.

I don’t care about what he wears, I just want him to feel like himself in my prescience I’d like him to be the most him he can be and who he wants to be. I’d like him to have hair I can run my fingers through and features that I notice right away as extremely attractive.

I’d like him to fall for me the day we meet, if that makes any sense. So future boyfriend, wherever you are, I’m going to write you a letter. After you read it. Call for me somehow, some way, maybe sing, dance, just do what you do best and maybe, just maybe I’ll hear it.

Dear Future Boyfriend.

Lets sit outside and look at the stars, cuddle in front of a big warm fire. Will you let me steal your hoodie? maybe one of your shirts? Lets always have deep conversations, look into each others eyes without speaking, breathe in each others air and kiss at any time possible. Will you trust me more then I trust you? give me your all? I’ll give you my all – I promise. Don’t make any promises to me unless they envolve pinky’s okay? I know I’m going to be super duper happy with you, I know it and so do you. I guess I won’t know if your “the one” but I’m too young for that to matter right now. I’ve gotta live and so do you. I’ll buy you some skull underwear but you gotta let me barrow them once and a while, if you know what I mean. Love you with all my heart. 

Your future girlfriend, Zoe. 

Day 5 

I swam in the pool all day, It didn’t rain. I opened my eyes underwater, your really not supposed to do that but I guess I did – frequently. As you breath underwater and open your eyes while the sun is reflecting off it , its like a whole new world. I’ll admit it, I’m a bit of a nerdy woman so I did try to sing underwater like mermaids usually do but I just ended up inhaling water and having to go up to the surface.

I totally felt like the little mermaid, only I’m not sixteen like she is, I’m a few years older, I’m pretty short though, I’ve got the short genes, my little little year old sister is about an inch taller then me and I’m only 5′ 5 1/2

Oh well, doesn’t matter, it was enchanting.

Oh yeah, I went to this glorious seafood place! I accently ordered the fried seafood platter when I should have gotten steamed, then I had this amazing fried twinkie, genius!!

I am a lover for twinkies and hostess cupcakes, sorry if you disagree but they are amazingly good. I love to indulge in their sugary sweet yumniss!

I had so much friend food. oh my gawd. I can’t look at any food. zip. zero. zilch. none! blah.

Honestly I am the type of girl who will eat a bunch of french fries and a chocolate shake instead of a boring old salad. Although sometimes a boring old salad is in order.

I am currently watching friends, I love joey, he is the greatest! I think he’s much more intelligent  then people give him credit, he’s the smartest of the whole bunch.

In my opinion, I dislike Ross – he just keeps making the same mistakes over and over, I can’t stand that. It’s like he’s letting everything from his past just kick his ass, aha look I made a rhyme! I’m sorry to all of you Ross fans but I am all for Joey Tribiani! woot woot!

Day 6 

A journey to the most historic city in the United States – St. Augustine, after a dip in the pool of course.

I went to a pirate treasure museum where there was in fact a pirate show, sadly it did not consist of real pirates, we were occupied in a ship of a stage with benches and headphones. We had to put the headphones on and then listen to it in complete darkness.

It was pretty realistic, scared my sister and myself actually. That’s how intense the sound affects were, oh right, did I mention it was pretty much a enactment of BlackBeard’s death? well it was!  pretty cool! it was like he was whispering in our ears like right in the room with us.

I’ve had my fair share of horror movies and let me just say- I love em!

Alien & Aliens = Best Movie Ever!!

seriously if your willing to get scared with me and just watch, maybe hear me say things like “don’t go in there” or a small scream or two, we can be very good friends.