Tag Archives: dreams

Kisses and Cake, Everything Has Changed One Blaze of Glory

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I’ve told him so much already 

I’ve mentioned some of my gifts 

I told him about being raped 

he knows why I don’t really say “goodbye” 

I’ve let go of my past 

I’ve chosen to save myself 

and for once my faith in God and Jesus 

is restored 

all because of him

I wonder if I’m good enough for him

I wonder how much he likes me 

I wonder if there is a place for me in his life

Am I completely selfish for wanting someone to take care of me and respect me? 

and love me?

half the time it’s like he’s almost in wonder of me 

like I just happen to be that amazing to him.. 

does he think of me? 

does he have time to think of me?

most guys I’ve known would drop dead before they spoke deeply to a woman 

but he spoke deeply to me 

he stayed up an hour later after I fell fast asleep 

we talked for hours

he’s exactly what I asked for 

exactly what I wrote in my “secret” vision board type list thing

when he is going to belong to me and I him?

I long so much to be with him 

does he long to be with? 

maybe more then that?

or am I just getting my hopes up again?

I think I’ll listen to my intuition on this one 

and my guy friends 

but I think by the looks in his eyes whenever I see him 

I’m good 

and nothing I could ever really do could change his interests 

I sent him stupid texts and he wasn’t bugged by it 

like others have 

I think it’s just a matter of time 

before we end up dating 

it could be sooner then I think too

but I’ve got a good feeling about this 

He must really like me 

if I say stupid things and he doesn’t care haha 

I’ve prayed a lot too

that God would 

give him to me or at least show me something 

to show that he is here 

and I can believe in love 

without getting hurt

it’s raining today 

it was windy yesterday

I think.. 

I think I’m suppose to 

Fall in love with him or be with him

something in my heart is telling me so

as crazy as this sounds 

I think he feels it too

this isn’t lust 

this is a connection

a strong connection 

one I cant really identify 

its stronger then ones I’ve felt 

rain does mean rebirth 

so I guess you could say 

my faith has been born again

as well as my respect and love for myself 

any drama from my past doesn’t matter anymore

since he’s what I want 

I feel like he and I are 

sort of similar

His favorite color is black 

and mine is everything 

and all of my favorite colors mixed together 

make his 

he’s outdoorsy 

and I want to be more of an outdoorsy person

even though I’m completely obsessed with nature 

I’ve had visions of he and I too

and dreams 

I just really hope all of it is true 

and that it’ll finally be my time 

to have a serious relationship 

full of happiness 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday

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My dreams
Have been
Filled with you
Im not quite sure
Of what to do
It’s been a while
Since I’ve seen you
But as days pass
Ill see you soon
This poem is crappy
It’s hard to explain
How greatly
These dreams
Seem to drive me
Insane
Do you appear in my
Dreams
Because you think of me?
I’ve been too busy
To think of you
Except when I sleep
Please
Talk with me

Forces of Nature

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She dreams

of kisses

on a Saturday

night

He just wants

to hold her

which makes

everything

right

dreams of sex

in the night

he says her name

with love

its just like

heaven

above

the more

they are together

the faster he falls

but even time apart

drives him crazy

he wants her so bad

to hold and to have

as time goes by

he knows its her

that gaze

he gives her

just proves it

once they start talking

she will

be his

Keep in Mind I’m Not Here, I’m From a Different World

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Why do I have to be so gaddamn different? 

Why do I have ti feel like a big ass failure to my parents?

I got my application in! I fucking got it in! its just not finished yet! I have to go to college, I just have to! 

First my teeth and now this and then the one person who I need right now need time and I just feel like things are falling apart.

I shouldn’t be crying right now or feeling like this! but I am! I am and it fucking sucks! I hate being so different then everyone around me! why the hell am I damn outsider? 

I don’t want to be here anymore. 

I don’t like being treated so different from the world around me, mother nature isn’t helping at all. Maybe I should just slit my wrists or something stupid like that, 

All I want is to do what I love, fall in love, have a house a place to call my own somewhere pretty, I probably will want to get married someday but not till I’m like 24, have kids and what not. 

I want that. So where the fuck is it? I’ve wanted it since I was a little girl! and right now I am alone, I have to do this all myself. My parents put too much pressure on me to be absolutely perfect. I hate that. I hate the fact that they bring up my failures and how I am different constantly. I am constantly told what is wrong with me from both of my parents but in different ways, daddy is never proud and mother calls me names. I have no arms to just run into, I hardly consider living with them home. Am I suppose to feel home with them? because I can’t I just can’t, I have to fucking work for their love each and everyday. I never just get it to have it. Ever. 

I guess that’s why I love everyone around me even if they don’t appreciate me. Any man whom I have ever loved has gotten all of me, and I do not fall in love easily nor do I find connections easily! 

So you can guess why I was so surprised that it was you. After a fucking year of just knowing you existed, wanting to date you before then trying to be your best friend to a long amount of no talking at all to gazing at your poetry that was written for me, then seeing your face for the first time on videochat,knowing your middle name without you even telling me, our word games of YES & FUCK, :p , 🙂 and so on, how could you have been right in front of me and I had no clue? How could you have driven 50 minutes just to spend four hours with me? 

I now understand that you said our connection would never fade, I know that your are right, It’s staying just like you are. I don’t question us anymore because I know you are staying, It pains me that you are gone for such an amount of time but you’ll be back before I know it I’m sure. 

I won’t ever throw my life away, I say that as a promise, I may threaten to out of sadness and the feeling of neglect but I wont. I belong here somehow and I will find out why. Even if I died our connection probably would never break but I think your heart would and I could never do that to someone I care so much about.

Plus I already promised my best friend and I’m also going to therapy for my anxiety. So yeah. You get the picture.

And it turns out they got my application.. I just have to finish it and get in god damn it! 

I totally wouldn’t mind being a house wife or at least having a decent apartment right now. 

OH LIFE

GET THE FUCK BETTER

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What A Romantic

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I’ve never felt more tired in my life. I’ve been unable to sleep, which isn’t all the unusual for me at least. I’m sure I’ll be able to sleep well soon. 

My body has been very stressed lately, I can’t really handle the drama at my other house. Since he’s cheap he doesn’t buy grocery’s often, there isn’t always food there and I can never talk to him because his bitch of a girlfriend is always on his shoulder. 

He always takes her out to dinner, never takes his kids out to dinner. We always have to go to her house. 

I could go on and on about this but I won’t. No need in being negative when I can be positive. 

Oh my mind is wandering again. I haven’t been able to stay focused on one thing in a while either… 

at night my mind wanders, daydreams appear too, just about life and what my life is going to be like. 

Sometimes its about who and what I’ll be involved with. 

I used to think I was far to “wise” or intelligent to even be human, I should have been an angel or a mermaid, something that lives forever and knows a lot about this world. Like I do. 

I had a dream last night about a relationship I am going to be in- oh how I hope it comes true 

We were just laying there, looking at the stars, having a conversation about life.

Thats all it was. 

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