Swearing Sailor on The Other Line

Posted on June 15, 2014 by rebelliousoceannymph

Ex boyfriend
Begged for me
Back
An hour ago
I told him no
I said
My past is behind me
I don’t belong in your bed
Someday someone
Will care for me
Like you never did
Instead of scars
I’ll be given kisses
And we will look
At the stars differently
Then when you and I did
While sitting in your car
My vagina
Is no sanctuary
For any arrogant dick
I want a genuine man
Full of sweetness
With confidence
Not doubts
No man is perfect
I know that for sure
I’ve been alone
A long time
I suck at waiting
But someday the right one
Will know
And whoever he is
He will have enough
Balls
Not to just go

Kisses and Cake, Everything Has Changed One Blaze of Glory

Posted on March 27, 2014 by rebelliousoceannymph

I’ve told him so much already

I’ve mentioned some of my gifts

I told him about being raped

he knows why I don’t really say “goodbye”

I’ve let go of my past

I’ve chosen to save myself

and for once my faith in God and Jesus

is restored

all because of him

I wonder if I’m good enough for him

I wonder how much he likes me

I wonder if there is a place for me in his life

Am I completely selfish for wanting someone to take care of me and respect me?

and love me?

half the time it’s like he’s almost in wonder of me

like I just happen to be that amazing to him..

does he think of me?

does he have time to think of me?

most guys I’ve known would drop dead before they spoke deeply to a woman

but he spoke deeply to me

he stayed up an hour later after I fell fast asleep

we talked for hours

he’s exactly what I asked for

exactly what I wrote in my “secret” vision board type list thing

when he is going to belong to me and I him?

I long so much to be with him

does he long to be with?

maybe more then that?

or am I just getting my hopes up again?

I think I’ll listen to my intuition on this one

and my guy friends

but I think by the looks in his eyes whenever I see him

I’m good

and nothing I could ever really do could change his interests

I sent him stupid texts and he wasn’t bugged by it

like others have

I think it’s just a matter of time

before we end up dating

it could be sooner then I think too

but I’ve got a good feeling about this

He must really like me

if I say stupid things and he doesn’t care haha

I’ve prayed a lot too

that God would

give him to me or at least show me something

to show that he is here

and I can believe in love

without getting hurt

it’s raining today

it was windy yesterday

I think..

I think I’m suppose to

Fall in love with him or be with him

something in my heart is telling me so

as crazy as this sounds

I think he feels it too

this isn’t lust

this is a connection

a strong connection

one I cant really identify

its stronger then ones I’ve felt

rain does mean rebirth

so I guess you could say

my faith has been born again

as well as my respect and love for myself

any drama from my past doesn’t matter anymore

since he’s what I want

I feel like he and I are

sort of similar

His favorite color is black

and mine is everything

and all of my favorite colors mixed together

make his

he’s outdoorsy

and I want to be more of an outdoorsy person

even though I’m completely obsessed with nature

I’ve had visions of he and I too

and dreams

I just really hope all of it is true

and that it’ll finally be my time

to have a serious relationship

full of happiness

“Better a silly girl with a flower, then a silly boy with a horse and a stick”

Posted on February 11, 2014 by rebelliousoceannymph

“Happy Valentines Day”
He said
As he put a pretty
Flower in her hand
She blushed
Turning a bright red
“What is this my friend?”
“Is it not obvious”
He replied gingerly
“I want to be your boyfriend”
He whispered within
Her hopeless ears
She never thought
Anyone would ever
Desire such a foolish thing
Of her
But before
She could
Detest
Her views on what
Day it was
And expand
Her bitterness
The man
Embraced her
Then gave her
A big fat juicy kiss
The humans around them
Didn’t fret or laugh
They simply
Smiled
With a large amount
Of joy
The boy then
Explained himself
Asking her out
Though each had school
And not much time
To themselves
Romance
Was on the line
And for once
She deserved
An oddball in
Tin foil
To just
Take her someplace
Special
And love her up
Let her know
She is
Enough

Happy Place

Posted on February 5, 2014 by rebelliousoceannymph

Hair a greasy mess

Eye’s all a glow

Visions of apartments

and a bed soft like snow

He gazes at her like he could no other

girl you know

her small pale body

laying naked in his arms

her chestnut hair

flowing across his face

but he doesn’t care

he’s in his happy place

one of her hands is in his hair

of red or ginger as she likes to say

he will not stop

fingering her anyway

since eight months is the amount of time

till they may

do much more

at their sleepover

One Day

Posted on December 10, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

Past lovers
Don’t read
These
The poems
I say
But
One day
I’ll be glad
To say
That I have
A boyfriend
Who read
Them all
In one day

The Beauty of a Withered Flower

Posted on August 7, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

So many thoughts in my head

So much shit that I’ve gone through

I’m so stressed that I could explode

The man I love

doesn’t want to stay

and he wont stay for me

no matter how badly I want him too

I don’t know if he will ever come back

or one day love me

like I love him

my visions of us have become quite blurred

that makes me sad

but at least we can be friends

I feel like I’m loosing hope though

like right now I don’t even know what to do

it’s kind of like

who’s going to love me now?

who could possibly love a girl whose hearts been

broken and ripped apart so many times?

it’s like finding beauty

in a withered flower

are withered flowers beautiful?

some of them

what about the ones that have been stomped on?

not so much

well I feel like that

I mean you’d have to have one hell of a heart

to be with me

and you’d have to trust me too

I don’t know

maybe I’m not cut out or this

true love stuff

anymore

but it’s what I want

ya know

I wanna find that person

or have him find me

and I wanna spend the rest of my life with him

ow can that possibly be too much to ask?

I’d rather spend my life

in one relationship

with one person

always

ya know?

it makes me feel like

theres something wrong with me or something

I know so many people that are getting engaged

and married

or having kids

I mean they are so lucky

and I’m trying to find that

to have that

(well not the kids yet but you get the idea)

I just feel like

by now I should be on my way

to marrying someone

or being engaged for a few years

I try so hard to make things work

with everyone

I don’t know if I’ll ever get

another chance with anyone

from my past either

most of them just blame me

not really taking responsibility for what they’ve done

I can’t help but think about one though

alright two

My first real love..

and my second love

My first love would always take us to the river

we’d talk and walk around

I treasure the memories

I have with him

more then anyone else

even though we both wrecked it

I would try again with him

Then my second love

I’m not quite sure of what to say

about him

but my fondest memory

is just of him kissing away my tears

I’d try again with him too

but I’m pretty sure

that they both

are trying very hard to forget me

I made the mistake of pushing them away

but I don’t do that anymore

I care too much to do that to people I love

I think I’m just going to go with the flow

not make any rash decisions

see who I end up with

To the man who get’s my heart next

please hold it tight

do your best not to drop it

or let scratch in anyway

and if you do

can you fix it?

It would be greatly appreciated

I love you

-Zoe

My Girl My Girl (a short story)

Posted on July 10, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

“I can’t stop thinking about her…”

“What do you mean man?”

“I mean.. I can’t get her out of my head, I get these visions in my head at night of her beautiful face and that smile I love so much, her hairs shorter now but I know that when I see her I’m just gonna feel home again ya know?”

“But she felt home with you, she smiled like she never smiled with anyone else.. you gotta try man, you gotta try and show her, you have no idea how many decisions she’s gotta make about this kind of thing..”

“decisions?”

“If you don’t get her back man, she’s gonna end up marrying that abusive jackass”

“Johnny? that one who?….” he paused and almost choked holding back pain he felt for her past.

“Yes, that one. He could kill her dude, he’s been stalking her for months and she just keeps running, you gotta protect her and shelter her, you know you love her man”

“But what about that guy she said she was in love with?”

“He’s leaving her…” spoke his friend in a sad tone as he looked at his feet.

“Why does everyone leave her?!” he punched the top of his car, emotion erupting in his veins. He never cried in front of anyone but he sure felt emotional about her, she gave him feelings he never thought were possible, the way she kissed him saying he tasted like ocean and the way she would rub her nose against his.

He took a deep breath, “Man, I can’t leave her, I was stupid before by even thinking breaking her heart would do some good”

“Well it sure as hell wasn’t good for either of you, look at yourself man, you haven’t smiled in such a long time, your not happy dude, I’m pretty sure she isn’t either”

“How would you know that?”

“I think you know as well as I, I mean you really think “friends” is the only option here? you both know what’s going to happen”

“And what’s that?”

“I don’t know, you tell me”

“Your right okay, your right and she’s right”

“Then go fucking do something about it before you make a mistake your going to regret for the rest of your life. You know what she deserves and she wants, you know you can give it to her, that’s all she’s ever wanted was for someone to do that for her, to be there for her, look I know I’m your friend but dude if you don’t make a move I’m going to”

“NO NO NO NO FUCK NO! I will not let you have her, you have no idea how much I’ve gone through to gain her trust again, it took her long enough to listen to me again and want me in her life again if you take her from me or I loose her I’m never gonna forgive myself!”

“Okay dude chill.. I was just testing you”

“Don’t you ever fucking play with me like that again, EVER. You have no idea how much she means to me”

His friend laughed, then raised his eyebrows in a joking manner “I know now..”

“Okay, okay. Is it stupid if I miss her? like actually miss her?”

“Well it has been a long time”

“Yeah, I guess. Sometimes I feel like I never left her, it’s almost like I can feel myself holding her at night”

“seriously?”

“Well yeah.. I mean she’s not easily forgotten”

“Would it be creepy if I told you that when she sleeps she can feel you holding her too or someone holding her at least”

“No. But why she would tell you that, I have no idea”

“She doesn’t really talk to anyone, I just read her blog post”

“She and I have that in common”

“What?”

“Not really talking to anyone. She and I communicated differently, it’s like we say things with our eyes and lips and by just looking at each other”

“Damn.. that’s rare”

“Yeah it is”

“Why’d you let her go man?”

“Out of fear”

“Of?”

“Seeing everything I wanted and how truly amazing she is”

“Well you best not miss your chance this time because I’m pretty sure this is the last one you get”

“.. I know dude, I know”

“You really wanna see her with that jackass or even someone else holding her in his arms with a smile on her face that has nothing to do with you?”

“No…”

“You wanna see her havin kids with someone else? You want her to get pregnant with that jackasses kids? Have his ring around her finger instead of yours?”

“No..not at all”

“Too many guys have made the mistake of letting her go and just leaving her life.. I don’t want you to be one of those guys! go after her or your a fool”

“How am I suppose to go after her?”

“Prove to her that your words are true, you know what you want and you know that it’s her, let her know, you don’t have to use words at all just a simple kiss will let her know”

“Okay”

“Okay! now go grab her!”

“I will, I will”

They parted ways, his friend into his home and him driving to see her again.

Dramatic Conversation

Posted on June 30, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

“Your in love with her aren’t you? Your scared your going to loose her…”

“I might be, I don’t know, I’ve never felt so connected with anyone before like with her.. She just, her face and her voice and her smile just won’t leave my head no matter what I do. She’s what I think about before I go to bed and I just don’t know what to do”

“Why don’t you tell her?”

“How am I suppose to tell her? I don’t even treat her like she wants me too half the time, she says I make her feel like I love my ego more then I could ever love her and she’s so sick of listening to people putting themselves before and I just don’t know..”

“I think you do know, I think you know that it pisses her off so you do it more anyway. You need to listen to her and you need to show her that you care because if you treat her like she means not much to you she’s gonna believe it. That girl has gone threw so much shit just to be with you but you just continue to flirt with other girls and ignore her when she try’s to get closer to you, if your not going to take care of her like she wants man then fuck, I’ll find her someone who can and ill make sure he never let’s her go”

“I could never let her go, I fucked up with her too much before.. I made so many god damned mistakes. I just hurt her and hurt her and I don’t ever want to hurt her again”

“She’s a very unselfish woman and you would be a fool to hurt her and let her go. She waited for you dude.. To give up on a girl like that is stupid, because one day she could stop waiting and walk out on you like you did to her”

“I know”

“Do you? Do you know how much shit she went threw? She’s gone threw? That woman has given so much to so many people who didn’t deserve it. She’s wanted the kind of thing you two have for a long time, to not let her have that is wrong. She’s told me so much that you don’t know. Raped at seventeen while in an abusive relationship, she was too young to know what any of it meant. Her hearts been broken over and over. She lost a baby, she had a miscarriage and lost a baby girl and she will forever feel guilty and that it was her fault. She told me that you took all that away, you made her smile again and laugh. Don’t take that from her, that one ounce of happiness, she needs it like she needs you, don’t destroy it”

“I won’t I promise”

“Then go get her or you’ll end up like the rest of them, still caring about her but regretting how you broke her heart and let her be the one that got away”

The Phone Call.

Posted on May 12, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

HER: I’m done with us, leave me alone

HIM :Your serious?

HER: I’m dead serious, I don’t want you anymore, I don’t want to hear your voice or see your face. I don’t give a fuck about what you do or who you are with. I don’t think about you, I blocked you from messaging purposely, I deleted my sound cloud account, I unsubscribed to you on YouTube, I unfollowed your blogs, Leave me alone.

HIM: You still want me don’t you? that’s why your saying what your saying, you still like me and care about me.

HER: (The tone in her voice changed, she almost sounded sorry for him) NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I AM DONE WITH US. You are nothing to me but a relic from my past hun and I can’t afford to let you hurt my heart again.You just don’t deserve me. I’m afraid that you never will.

HIM: I’m sorry about all of the pain that I caused you and…

HER: It wasn’t just pain that you caused, you practically made me suffer.. I never want to feel that ever again

HIM: I’m so sorry, I’m so so so sorry, I’m sorry baby

HER: I’m not your baby, sorry won’t be able to fix this and I don’t think anything can. I don’t want to be friends with someone who sucked the life out of my heart, you made me hurt for a very long time and you made it happen again and again

HIM: I can’t loose you.. what can I do?

HER: nothing, just do nothing. I’m not crawling back to you or begging for anything. I want nothing from you and I want you to leave me alone. All you did was tell me what you thought was wrong with me and exaggerated every piece of me.

HIM: (pause) I know.. I’m sorry.. I’m an asshole we have established that

HER: why is it always about you? I waited for YOU. I FUCKING WAITED. I WAITED FOR YOU LONGER THEN I EVER HAVE WAITED FOR ANYONE. I’M DONE WAITING. I’M DONE BEING WITH GUYS WHO ARE JUST SCARED LITTLE BOYS INSIDE, NOT ONCE DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ME IN THE END. NOT ONCE.

HIM: I know.. I’m sorry, I fucked up, I really did

HER: I’ve already forgiven you. I just want nothing to do with you. Not now. I want someone who actually cares.

HIM: but I do care.

HER: Really about what? why do you still care about me?

HIM: I never stopped caring about you..

HER: Don’t you dare lie to me like that, I’ve had my father lie to me my whole life, I don’t need it from you.

HIM: I’m not lying this time

HER: Don’t lie to me ever..

HIM: I wont. I promise.

HER: You promised you would stay and that never happened

HIM: (silence)

HER: No promises

HIM: But..

HER: Look, I’ve gotta go. The guy I like is coming over in ten minutes.

HIM: But..

HER: Goodbye _____ _____ ______ ! Someday we can be friends but right now I don’t want anything to do with you, I loved you once but you wouldn’t let me. So goodbye. Have a nice life, I have moved on.

HIM: I love you..

HER: (Hung up the phone)

HIM: (Thinking about her and what he will never have)