Rudolph

That asshole left
Again
When
All she
Wanted
Was to be
His friend
See
The thing is
He didn’t
Listen
So
She was
Relieved
To say
Goodbye

Honey I’m Home

She knows herself
To be beautiful
Her pure heart
Is much to behold
It’s time
To put away
The monsters
And
Find
Your own
Way
Home

Ocean Eyes

I don’t want to stop writing 

if I do 

I’m most likely 

better off dead

my head aches 

and I still feel that shiver up my spine

my hair is untidy 

and my eyes are rather red 

I wont let myself get out of bed 

not yet 

not when I can hardly walk 

without falling 

not yet

I wish you didn’t go 

it really hurt my soul

and I think you know 

we never had love 

but we did have time 

and you took that away 

just as you left 

and with you 

some part of me went too

because I gave it to you 

I don’t want it back

you keep it 

it’s yours 

I thought you were different 

I thought we had a connection

I thought that since you cheated on her before 

that you’d realize she wasn’t for you 

you made me feel like 

I was the only one 

you felt close to 

you lied to me 

didn’t you?

you weren’t all that drunk that night 

and you meant what you said 

you always have 

and you always will

you broke her heart once 

I figured you could do it again

but you chose mine 

and you chose to waste my time 

you don’t cheat on someone you love 

that’s not real at all 

even while drunk

it’s not excuse to hurt some random girl 

I don’t kiss people like I kissed you 

that kind of stuff doesn’t happen unless I care 

and by the look on your face 

you knew that feeling was there 

so go ahead 

leave 

I’m sure she cheated on you 

more then you did on her

girls can lie all they want 

you can do better then her

men care more about sex then love 

and your too scared to find out 

with me 

I won’t forgive you 

unless you turn back now 

and apologize 

I don’t care if you come back 

just to give me a hug 

like a friend 

or kiss me 

like a lover 

it was my fault for trusting 

and believing 

you were over

please don’t mention my name to her 

don’t speak of our intimacy

even if in the end

you do choose me

I have no hope left

for anything

my spirit is broken

it’s going to take a lot

to put me back together  

I’m sorry you lied 

and wont accept the truth

I’m sorry I believed in you 

you will think of me 

when you kiss her 

that I know is true 

you’ll wish it was me 

and not her 

soon

your just like any other guy 

your scared you wont find what you’ve got with her 

again 

what a god damn lie 

well 

I guess 

this is 

goodbye 

 

The Phone Call.

HER: I’m done with us, leave me alone

HIM :Your serious?

HER: I’m dead serious, I don’t want you anymore, I don’t want to hear your voice or see your face. I don’t give a fuck about what you do or who you are with. I don’t think about you, I blocked you from messaging purposely, I deleted my sound cloud account, I unsubscribed to you on YouTube, I unfollowed your blogs, Leave me alone. 

HIM: You still want me don’t you? that’s why your saying what your saying, you still like me and care about me. 

HER: (The tone in her voice changed, she almost sounded sorry for him) NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I AM DONE WITH US. You are nothing to me but a relic from my past hun and I can’t afford to let you hurt my heart again.You just don’t deserve me. I’m afraid that you never will. 

HIM: I’m sorry about all of the pain that I caused you and…

HER: It wasn’t just pain that you caused, you practically made me suffer.. I never want to feel that ever again 

HIM: I’m so sorry, I’m so so so sorry, I’m sorry baby 

HER: I’m not your baby, sorry won’t be able to fix this and I don’t think anything can. I don’t want to be friends with someone who sucked the life out of my heart, you made me hurt for a very long time and you made it happen again and again 

HIM: I can’t loose you.. what can I do?

HER: nothing, just do nothing. I’m not crawling back to you or begging for anything. I want nothing from you and I want you to leave me alone. All you did was tell me what you thought was wrong with me and exaggerated every piece of me. 

HIM: (pause) I know.. I’m sorry.. I’m an asshole we have established that 

HER: why is it always about you? I waited for YOU. I FUCKING WAITED. I WAITED FOR YOU LONGER THEN I EVER HAVE WAITED FOR ANYONE. I’M DONE WAITING. I’M DONE BEING WITH GUYS WHO ARE JUST SCARED LITTLE BOYS INSIDE, NOT ONCE DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ME IN THE END. NOT ONCE. 

HIM: I know.. I’m sorry, I fucked up, I really did 

HER: I’ve already forgiven you. I just want nothing to do with you. Not now. I want someone who actually cares. 

HIM: but I do care. 

HER: Really about what? why do you still care about me?

HIM: I never stopped caring about you..

HER: Don’t you dare lie to me like that, I’ve had my father lie to me my whole life, I don’t need it from you. 

HIM: I’m not lying this time 

HER: Don’t lie to me ever.. 

HIM: I wont. I promise.

HER: You promised you would stay and that never happened

HIM: (silence) 

HER: No promises 

HIM: But..

HER: Look, I’ve gotta go. The guy I like is coming over in ten minutes. 

HIM: But..

HER: Goodbye _____ _____ ______ ! Someday we can be friends but right now I don’t want anything to do with you, I loved you once but you wouldn’t let me. So goodbye. Have a nice life, I have moved on. 

HIM: I love you.. 

HER: (Hung up the phone) 

HIM: (Thinking about her and what he will never have) 

 

 

I Wont Be Far From Where You Are if Ever You Should Call, You Meant More To Me Then Anyone I Ever Loved At All

You know 

he is really stupid to not see the greatness in me 

I was really stupid to not see the greatness in myself 

but he 

he fucked up 

he really fucked up 

I may not be able to get over him now 

but I will at some point 

even if it takes

a long time 

when he left I didn’t cry 

not very much 

at least not over him 

just over the baby 

he really just thinks of himself 

it’s like he stopped having a big crush on me 

and starting having feelings for himself 

how does that happen?

did him making sweet love to me 

just happen to boost up his confidence? 

or could he have been like that all along?

Why do I do that? 

I fall for guys who have so much confidence or a big ego 

don’t get me wrong, I can have that problem too but it’s only because I’ve thought of others my whole life and I thought it was about time to put myself first 

I mean it would be pretty unfair to call me some sort of name while I’m just trying to live 

so it may be unfair to call him one 

I guess everything was just “bad timing” AGAIN

which forces me to think that his intention wasn’t just to make me happy 

it was more for his selfish needs too 

it’s always been like that 

so hopefully this next time 

someone will actually find me who thinks more of 

my needs 

one day 

or sometime soon

 this bad shit can’t hang around for long 

I’m not sure of what to call him

he isn’t much of an ex 

since kisses only happened a few times 

it was more technology 

which means

we weren’t given much of a chance 

well that sucks 

I had his baby who was unborn beore she was born 

it does seem like he is just another asshole who screwed me over 

but he is too nice to be an asshole

but he does need an attitude adjustment 

but then again 

who doesn’t? 

it’s just the negativity that bugs me 

that is why I am letting him go

for good this time 

I’m sorry if my posts lately have been a bit disappointing to you all 

obviously a whole lot has happened 

and recently I’ve been trying my best to get out of the house 

so that just adds more stress 

but I’ve been writing everyday 

I’ve been trying to write everyday 

once or twice 

writing poetry when inspired 

you know the usual 

I’ve decided that I’ll cook more now a days 

and clean more obviously 

just getting prepared to live by myself 

and since I gave away so many clothes 

I kind of don’t have much 

I’d really like to know 

who the hell is thinking about me 24/7 now 

I swear! 

my nose continues to feel itchy 

so I constantly rub it! 

or wrinkle it 

or scratch it 

and I’ve sneezed a few

dozen times too 

like seriously!! 

who is the fool that thinks of me all the time?

I’d really like to find out