“I don’t give a fuck”

Pissed
Don’t get
No kiss
Stupid boys
There are other
Joys
Done being
Treated
Like a
Fucking toy
Who to trust?
What a rush
I want to yell
Drag them all
To hell
Broken
Out of my
Shell
No more
Didn’t fail
Coffee in my hair
I really don’t care

Fuck This

No one
Wants me
As their
Girlfriend
It’s all for sex
To get their kicks
Don’t put me first
It’s okay
I’ll just skip my dinner
And cry the night away

I Wont Be Far From Where You Are if Ever You Should Call, You Meant More To Me Then Anyone I Ever Loved At All

You know 

he is really stupid to not see the greatness in me 

I was really stupid to not see the greatness in myself 

but he 

he fucked up 

he really fucked up 

I may not be able to get over him now 

but I will at some point 

even if it takes

a long time 

when he left I didn’t cry 

not very much 

at least not over him 

just over the baby 

he really just thinks of himself 

it’s like he stopped having a big crush on me 

and starting having feelings for himself 

how does that happen?

did him making sweet love to me 

just happen to boost up his confidence? 

or could he have been like that all along?

Why do I do that? 

I fall for guys who have so much confidence or a big ego 

don’t get me wrong, I can have that problem too but it’s only because I’ve thought of others my whole life and I thought it was about time to put myself first 

I mean it would be pretty unfair to call me some sort of name while I’m just trying to live 

so it may be unfair to call him one 

I guess everything was just “bad timing” AGAIN

which forces me to think that his intention wasn’t just to make me happy 

it was more for his selfish needs too 

it’s always been like that 

so hopefully this next time 

someone will actually find me who thinks more of 

my needs 

one day 

or sometime soon

 this bad shit can’t hang around for long 

I’m not sure of what to call him

he isn’t much of an ex 

since kisses only happened a few times 

it was more technology 

which means

we weren’t given much of a chance 

well that sucks 

I had his baby who was unborn beore she was born 

it does seem like he is just another asshole who screwed me over 

but he is too nice to be an asshole

but he does need an attitude adjustment 

but then again 

who doesn’t? 

it’s just the negativity that bugs me 

that is why I am letting him go

for good this time 

I’m sorry if my posts lately have been a bit disappointing to you all 

obviously a whole lot has happened 

and recently I’ve been trying my best to get out of the house 

so that just adds more stress 

but I’ve been writing everyday 

I’ve been trying to write everyday 

once or twice 

writing poetry when inspired 

you know the usual 

I’ve decided that I’ll cook more now a days 

and clean more obviously 

just getting prepared to live by myself 

and since I gave away so many clothes 

I kind of don’t have much 

I’d really like to know 

who the hell is thinking about me 24/7 now 

I swear! 

my nose continues to feel itchy 

so I constantly rub it! 

or wrinkle it 

or scratch it 

and I’ve sneezed a few

dozen times too 

like seriously!! 

who is the fool that thinks of me all the time?

I’d really like to find out

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Spoke The Words But Never Gave a Thought To What They Could Mean

 so far I have seen no reason to let go 

everything just seems to tell me to keep going and to not give up at this 

but a small part of be just wants to cry and say

“I give up already leave me the fuck alone” 

or 

“Just go just fucking leave me already since you don’t want to be here!” 

but I can’t do that 

I can’t just fucking do that 

this thing is bigger then I think 

but you know he could be better off without me

but I don’t want him to be better off without me 

I want him to be better with me 

but I had to go ahead and push push push push

will I ever learn?

maybe not 

FUCK

I turn such nice guys into bitter assholes 

I’m not going to talk to him tomorrow like I said 

I’m going to wait a few days 

so as not to screw things up

he can talk to me when he is ready 

I feel like I’m the only one who has been working hard for both of us 

I should have known that he wouldn’t want a relationship with me 

I can’t believe he thought I thought he was stupid 

never ever ever did I think that 

he put that all in his head 

when I talk about people being stupid I talk about the people in high school who I was surrounded by or just people who cannot understand me in general 

not once did I ever say or remark that he was stupid 

I did get scared before that he wouldn’t want just me 

but now I see my mistake 

I see all of those false scared words that I said before 

how untrue they were to be said 

I wish he would trust me and just want to try 

“whatever you want” 

but it’s about what he wants to

and clearly right now we won’t be seeing eye to eye 

I remember the day I met him

I guess I made the mistake to give in first 

maybe if I let him make the first move again

but he just “likes” me 

so I must not be all that important 

at least not now if he isn’t willing to try

some Easter huh?

Yeah, I’d say so 

most of this is Alice’s fault 

but she’s different now 

she can’t be mean anymore

Thinking “what if?” 

never helps 

overthinking 

does nothing but make you worry

and worrying just makes people scared 

but I’m not scared 

not anymore 

he can go 

but we are never going to get a chance at this connection again

how sad it will be when it’s gone 

when he’s gone 

that is if he goes 

what’s happened 

between us 

has been more unfair to me then him at this point

all I said was hurtful words 

while he made me wait and refused to speak to me 

and that was two months 

the only reason he doesn’t feel what he used to

is because we haven’t seen each other 

in a large amount of time 

because he wouldn’t let me see him

he wouldn’t help me out 

to figure out when we can see each other 

he said he wouldn’t give up

he promised he would stay 

I have it in words 

this isn’t just my mistake 

you fucked up too

you hurt me right after I hurt you

but I wont give up

even if we may be drowning 

I’ll find a way to save you 

no matter what 

temperature 

the water may be 

or how rough 

I’ll stick both hands in 

and grab for you 

till there is no breath left in my body

and my hands are safely in yours

that good enough for you?

because if you want barbie I can sure as hell get her for you 

I’m not perfect 

I’m no barbie doll

but at least I have plenty of good quality’s

maybe you haven’t found all of those yet

maybe you didn’t even bother to get underneath my skin

because I would go on and on 

but the thing is 

you don’t know everything about me 

“What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she’s a stranger”

no one ever will

and if you want to be that person to figure me out 

go ahead 

I wish you luck 

your a Leo

you have an ego 

I see it all the time 

you may say you don’t have one but you do

you’ve cared more about your own ass then mine 

that’s low 

and it pisses me off 

you wanted me in the beginning 

what’s keeping you from liking me now?

your going to be a very sad old man 

if you don’t open up to people who care and are trying to make things work out 

I fucking care a whole lot about you 

god, why can you not see that! 

you push me away 

you have been 

maybe we aren’t different 

maybe we are just so similar that 

we frustrate each other 

did you ever think of that?

Maybe your Mr. Darcy 

and I’m Lizzy 

or your Noah 

and I’m Allie 

or maybe 

I’m Clementine

and your Joel

we have magic 

we are the fucking magic 

we are similar in ways 

I’d rather not list them though

you anger me so much

sometimes 

I just want to flip you the finger 

and then have fucking passionate sex with you

you and I are

stubborn 

selfish 

kind

zen

crazy

intelligent 

wise

artistic 

we both love nature

and have similar interests 

why the fuck did I not see this before?

how can you not see this?

hahahahaha

we are a like in ways 

it’s fantastic 

I just happen to be more crazy then you

or more mad

damn

if you decide “NO”

I can see all of your weaknesses.. 

If you decided “YES”

I see good things happening 

just wake up baby 

think

you’ll see it 

I will label you as an asshole when you leave though 

I will delete you from my life completely 

and you will be considered stupid to me 

when you stay 

oh hot damn

I have some new lingerie that needs to be shown

and we should probably go out on that actual first date 

but if your not ready then alright

we can hang out 

I’ll make sure that you wont miss a thing 

and I will treat you better then anyone else ever could 

I’m not a choice though

you have to work to have me 

and it seems like right now you really don’t care 

so 

fuck you 

I need a man 

not a boy 

so yeah 

I seriously don’t expect much 

just kisses 

I don’t need to be treated like a princess 

but being treated nicely would be great 

I want you to stay 

I want you to love me 

you could possibly affect my future

and this connection we’ve got 

could never happen with you again

it’s a valuable thing honestly 

if you think about it

not many young people get connections like us 

I mean do you even think about this connection?

it seems like I’m the only one holding onto it not letting it break

why aren’t you doing the same?

do you really find me that unattractive personality wise? 

I wish you did feel like you do honestly 

I miss that 

I miss feeling and know that you appreciate me 

now I’m lucky enough 

if you even talk to me 

I know we both didn’t want this to happen

for you to loose that feeling

yesterday is history 

tomorrow is a mystery

think of all we can share 

all we share already

I’ll have an apartment 15 minutes away

from your area of living 

I mean how cool is that?

and my mom actually wants me to go to that community college!

and I looked into it before I fucking met you 

I’m still angry angry at you though

you seem to think most of this is my fault 

when it was both of us

you only helped screw it up

and more you dont talk to me 

the more it does get more confusing 

because I’m actually trying 

to get us back together 

and your not 

so I would change that maybe 

it’s not really fair to me 

when I am taking all of the responsibility and you aren’t..

even taking some of it 

I mean don’t blame it on fate 

I feel like I’m growing up a but more before you are 

hmmmm

I’m going to laugh and cry if you give up on me 

I’m going to laugh because that would be fucking stupid 

and I’m going to cry because I’ll miss you 

I don’t see you as the leaving type though

plus we hardly got a chance together 

you wouldn’t fucking open up to me and I just pushed you away

like what the hell is wrong with us? haha 

I’m pretty sure we can start over 

back it up just a little 

get to know each other again

no more just electronics

we’ve gotta actually spend time together 

but I’m going to need you to trust me 

“do you trust me?”

perfectly said

by Aladdin from Disney

you know

we could redo that kiss too

just a thought 

damn I really wish that you missed me 

just a little 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reason’s To BLOW Up

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

YOU FUCKING SHOW UP AND SAY OH YEAH LETS GO ON A FUCKING MOTORCYLE ROAD TRIP AND GET NAKED TOGETHER, FOR ALL I KNOW YOU WERE PROBABLY FUCKING DRUNK. YOU SHOW UP EVERY FUCKING YEAR, YOU FUCKING TEXT ME AND LEAD ME ON BUT YOU STILL ONLY FUCKING THINK OF YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING CONVINCE ME THEN YOU LEAVE. FOR ALL I KNOW YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING LIED ABOUT READING MY BLOG. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU. I HAD TO FUCKING DELETE YOU FROM MY PHONE SO THAT I WOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU LEADING ME ON AGAIN JAKE. 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

YOU STOOD ME UP SIX FUCKING TIMES, SIX FUCKING TIMES!!! SIX FUCKING TIMES! I TRIED SO HARD TO GET TO KNOW YOU TO FUCKING GET TO KNOW YOU THEN YOU FUCKING TEXT ME LIKE THREE FUCKING TIMES, DO YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT I STILL FUCKING ADMIRE YOU? I FUCKING ADMIRE YOU CHARLIE! I ALWAYS FUCKING HAVE AND WHENEVER I TRY TO GET YOU TO OPEN UP YOU NEVER FUCKING DO AND ITS JUST YOU LEAVING AND COMING BACK AGAIN! WELL MAKE A FUCKING DECISION CHARLIE! MAKE ONE! BECAUSE I’M FUCKING SICK OF YOU COMING BACK INTO MY LIFE THEN LEAVING AGAIN! SO STAY OR GO! I’M DONE WITH PATHETIC MEANINGLESS CONVERSATIONS THAT MEAN NOTHING. 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. 

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU 

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FOR LEADING ME ON. 

FUCK YOU FOR WANTING ME WHEN YOU HADN’T EVEN MET ME YET! 

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME DREAM OF SOMETHING THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

FUCK YOU FOR GOING INTO THE ARMY AND FUCK YOU FOR WANTING TO FUCK ME!

FUCK YOU FOR ONLY USING ME FOR SEX! 

FUCK YOU FOR DITCHING ME!

FUCK YOU FOR TURNING ME ON THEN FUCKING LEAVING ME HERE WITH MY HAND IN MY FUCKING PANTS! 

FUCK YOU, FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR STAYING, HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME? HUH? WHAT MAKES ME SO IMPORTANT? I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS..