Moonlight Madness (short story)

“You lied to me.. you fucking lied to me” she said as she shook her head, covering her eyes with both hands and breathing heavily.

“I did it to protect you..” he said sort of uneasy, unsure of how she would react.

“No! You did it to protect you.. you left me again so that you could protect yourself because you knew you were falling in love with me..” she said with disappointment, feeling the emotion take over her. “Do you really care about me? or was that just a big fucking lie too? all that hugging and those kisses were those lies also?”  she took a deep breath, “You say you care but I don’t see it” she shook her head.

“But I do care about you! I’ve always cared about you!!” he was so aggravated now that she kept thinking this. Did she not trust him? or had he done something wrong? he didn’t know.

“Then why don’t you act like it more often? I always show people when I care about them. Always. I can’t just pretend to not care, the only thing that I can safely guard now is my heart. Wanna know why I can only protect my heart now? because I got  ‘I can’t ever love you. I don’t want to love you’ and ‘No’ over and over again from people who I thought cared for me but just walked away out of ignorance, greed and taking my love for them for granted” She couldn’t look at him now.

He had accused her of being untrue, ungreatful, you name it and he had said it yet she never left his side. She used to love him like no one had ever loved anyone before, just accepting every piece of his soul, but that had faded, that feeling of admiration had faded and she could not let herself cry or be hurt by him any longer.

So she ran, she let him be for the largest amount of time, all the while healing and letting go of him. She had thought that he was the one, maybe.  She still felt in her heart that she loved him though, but knowing that he could never care for her, she never spoke of it. She stayed silent.

Till this day that their paths crossed once again. At the absolute worst time.

She was engaged to be married, within three months of this exact date to a man who loved her deeply from the start.

“I’m not like the others you said so yourself!” he said this in a very strong way, it was almost as if he knew what he was doing.

“I know your not like the others, you’re stronger! but your heart is weak..” she shook her head, stepping back from him. She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t, she didn’t know wither to feel hurt or overjoyed. She knew if she looked into those beautiful eyes she’d love him all over again.

“Will you please look at me?…” he said her name then, he said it, just like he used to.

“I can’t, I can’t do this! I’m sorry I can’t.. he loves me.. I can’t just leave him.. not like how you left me” she fell to the ground now, bringing her knees close to her body and her hands covering her eyes. The grass was wet and cold with dew, it had thunder-stormed just nights before.

“You weren’t…. suppose to.. come back ..like …this” she said through tears in almost a whisper.

“I always come back” he said confidently as he put his legs around her and tried his best to hold her small pale body close, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her.

“why?” she asked him. Still dreading the sight of seeing his face.

He put his lips up to her ear and whispered the words she had longed to hear for many years “I love you”

 

 

 

 

 

That Was Then, This is NOW (short story)

“It’s always been about you Ella! Always! I’m so fucking sick of it! you don’t even listen to what I say!” Harry said angry, practically gritting his teeth.

“That was then!” Ella spoke broadly, “This is now, don’t you see? I’m not who I used to be! You’ve helped change me in so many ways, I used to worry all the time and now I don’t worry at all, I was selfish and pushed you away Harry because I was scared, I was so scared about the way that you felt about me. It wasn’t about me when we were together, maybe for like a month but it wasn’t so I had no choice but to gain my own confidence and love myself, you think it was easy for me to have you walk away the exact night my life fell apart?” she had her head in her hands now, “I’ve been trying to make it about you now that’s why I ask you what you want whenever I can, yes, I still love you, I’m never going to stop loving you for exactly who you are, I don’t see an image Harry, I see the real you and I can’t live without you”

she sighed and took a deep breath in and out, then said quietly “It doesn’t matter to me what I want, what matters to me is you and what you want, I want to see you happy wither it’s with me or without me”

Harry’s eyes flickered, he looked at her then smiled. He didn’t know what to say, all of her words carried so much meaning, it would take a while for him to take it all in. He knew it would be incredibly rude of him to leave and walk out like he had before but he needed some space.

“I need to think about this, okay?” he said in a slight determined way, his hands were in his pockets now, his mind began to wander.

Ella nodded, she understood but first she felt the need to apologize and thank him.

“Wait.. I’d like to say a few more things if that’s okay”

“Yeah.. sure” he stopped and sat down on a park bench and listened.

“I’m sorry Harry for who I was with you, I’m sorry for pushing you away, I’m sorry for saying such harsh hurtful things, I’m sorry for only thinking about myself, I’m sorry for not being your kind of perfect, I’m sorry for accepting you for exactly who you are, I’m sorry I will always love you, I’m sorry for letting you see the weaker side of me, I’m sorry for not listening, I’m sorry for still wishing you could love me like I love you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry”

now onto the thank you’s..

“Thank you Harry for being exactly who you are, Thank you for coming back to me when I thought all was lost, Thank you for staying, thank you for teaching me how to be a better person, thank you for putting up with my words, thank you for showing me how to be relaxed, thank you for caring about me in such a way that you do, thank you, thank you, thank you”

All he could do was smile at that but he sure needed time to think, she always did things like this, filling his head up with thoughts.

He took a step back, waved and walked away.

Ella just sat there on the bench, she felt so scared, she couldn’t loose him again no way in hell could she ever do that, she felt her heart tense, it was like there was a balled fist in her chest, she didn’t think of any “what if’s” or “could be’s” her wants didn’t matter to her when it came to the subject of them. Only he mattered, she had tried so hard to get close to him again, not as lovers really but just to be close in general.

She did still care about him, more then she should mostly, she missed the feeling of his warm skin against hers, maybe she just missed him. He was the one man in her life she knew she could never stop loving..

in their relationship in the past, it seemed his lust for her faded and turned into just “caring” and her caring for him turned into a sort of love really, she accepted him for who he was even the parts that frustrated her, she still was very much attracted to him, what she remembered most was how they kissed each other, but she wouldn’t allow that to happen again if it wasn’t what he had wanted.

Harry had made many excuses when they were together and only letting them be a “thing” which Ella didn’t really feel she had to take seriously so she never considered it a “relationship”, they had only spent three official days together during their “thing” and never really went on a single real “date” which gave Ella plenty of doubts then but it crushed her even more when he left her.. they spoke of death together then and she had her heart broken quite badly. She felt the two of the three months spent with him were more about him, it was almost as if he had grown bitter and cold, he was different then when they had met.

Ella had her faults too, she couldn’t bring herself to trust him completely until after they made love and she began to feel safer, she had stopped pushing him away and saying harsh hurtful things but he left her anyway.

Later he had asked to be friends, but at first Ella couldn’t do that, she loved him too much so naturally she wouldn’t allow it and tried her best to avoid him until one day she realized she couldn’t live without him so she agreed it would be best.

Ella tried so hard to get over Harry and not care about him as much as she actually did but she truly couldn’t stop, she didn’t know why, the memory’s of she and he together stayed so perfectly in her mind, so real too, she knew he was going to be the one man she could never really ever stop loving.

Ella had gotten so worried that someone would steal Harry from her, she cared about him that much that it just freaked her out so bad, so she pushed him away over and over again thinking that would bring him closer but it only made her look less desirable to him.

Maybe Harry was afraid too. She thought, maybe he’s scared to loose her again or to like her again, she didn’t know, it was best not to assume things anyway but how she wished for him to just prove somehow that he cared for her, it didn’t matter if it was friendship or more or less, she just wanted to be some form of importance to him, she treasures him that much and what he thinks.

If only he could see that.

She never really understood why she angered him sometimes, she never meant to do any of that, to make him feel any less of who he was, it was never her intention to hurt him or anything of that nature, lessons learned.

For the first time in a long time, Ella felt herself kneel to the ground and ask mother nature for her help.

“Mother Nature” she said with her sing-songy voice, she sounded sort of like she was going to cry “Please let Harry know that I’d do anything for him, that I can’t loose him again, he means so much to me, it doesn’t really matter how much I mean to him but right now I’d like to mean something, he’s changed me for the better, he’s taught me so much, I love him for exactly who he is and I know I’ve made many mistakes but I need him here in my life, as a friend, less or more, give or take, I just want him to be happy and I want to be there to see him smile. Please help me, I don’t know what else to do” she got up then, tear stains on her cheeks.

She took off her shoes and made her way home, waiting for his answer to it all.

A Restless Night (A Short Story)

“What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“wrong with me? what about you?”

they had been yelling at each other all night 

on the porch of their new house 

a brilliant blue Victorian house 

with big windows 

and nothing but forest all around them 

so as their voices would rise and fall 

as they screamed and yelled 

arguing like two kids 

they didn’t argue often 

he adored her too much to do that 

and arguing just is not what he enjoys 

she on the other hand 

liked to argue once and while 

she said it adds more “spark” to their relationship

being one of those girls that just happens to like a little bit of drama

“Everything is wrong with me! I’m fucked up!!” he yelled 

“Don’t give me that crap Donny! I’m sick of your ego always being put before me! I’m your girlfriend god damn it!! we have been together since we were twenty!!” she screamed! feeling the need to put her hand into a fist and just shake it at him 

“You know what fuck you! Your personality is shit Becca!” he lied with a sneer acting all high and mighty, pushing her away again just as she pushed him away the first time 

“Don’t you start with my Donny J Hudson! can we just stop arguing for a moment?” she pleaded 

“No you know what I’m tired of your shit!” Donny was enraged now which does make him a bit dangerous to be around, he never meant for her to see that side of him, being a lone with no one to take care of or no one to take care of him sometimes just brought the worst out in Donny. 

This got Becca crying, she couldn’t stand it, if he didn’t like to argue so much then why did he always have to be so stubborn and be “right” all the time? she didn’t know but he kept it very well hidden. 

Becca ran off the porch and down a path towards the river. Tears sprouting from her eyes, like wilted flower. She wished that he would just stop thinking about himself for one moment and realize how much he truly means to her. What a loss it would be for the both of them if one of them just got up and left the house in the woods. 

She ran till she could hardly breath, gasping so much for air, if he really cares about me then he will run after me she thought as she covered her face with her hands and lay on the cold frozen grass. She was so tired from staying up so late at night waiting for him to get home after a late night at work that she fell asleep. 

He caught his breath, relaxing himself completely, all the anger had left the moment she went running. The sky had grown dark, stars peaking out in the distance, sparkling just like Becca’s eyes the moment he picked her up at her apartment. 

He decided he had no choice but to follow her, so he walked after her, not running since he had done it so many times before when she pushed him away, he didn’t realize that loosing her, that place that she had in his heart could break ever so slightly. He began to cry, like a real man does, letting the tears sprinkle his cheeks. He adored her so much, he tried so hard to make her happy. 

after around twenty minutes of walking and whistling “I Miss You” by Incubus, he spotted her, laying in the grass with her doomtree “No Kings” tshirt, and those trashy shorts she made out of her own jeans. He remembered her sending him that picture of her when she was finished making them. Her long brown hair was in the grass, she always liked to push her hair out of the way of her face when she slept.

She looked so elegant, her pale skin looking so lovely in the dark, those lips, how he enjoyed kissing them.

“Your so beautiful Becca” he whispered in the dark as he got closer 

He decided the best thing he could do at the moment was lay down too. He laid down next to her, putting his arm around her and kissing her lips. 

“I will never leave you, we are going to be the complete opposite of your parents I promise you, you are my world Becca, stay with me, I love you” 

he whispered in her ear 

then slowly 

drifted off to sleep 

 

 

The Argument of Annya & James (Short Story)

So lately I’ve been inspired to write short meaningless beautiful stories, I hope that’s okay for you lovely readers, I’ll only do a few every once and a while but this is one that appeared in my brain while I was pacing hah, I’ll most likely be pacing tomorrow too and thinking of somethings that have occurred as well as remembering babysitting a tiny child a few years ago and man was she a beautiful baby. 

“How could you do this to me James?” she said while pacing, a look of frustrating on her face, you can tell by the narrow of her brow, she sighed, putting her hands on the windowsill and looking out, pressing her forehead closer to the window as if she herself could just be outside

“Annya, I swear, I didn’t mean what I did, I didn’t mean to hurt you, it just sort of came out that’s all” Jame’s pleaded, sitting at the dining room table made of mahogany wood which still has yet to be sanded a second time 

“Prove it James, prove that you didn’t mean it” she huffed spinning around from the window and looking straight at him 

His mouth dropped as if to say something but he quickly closed it, banging his fist against the table, little did he know that in a little matter of time Annya would be in tears 

She ran from the room, her amber colored hair in her face, covering up those beautiful color changing eyes he longed so much to see, to gaze into like before 

He jumped up as quickly as he could and followed her, she lay on the couch of blue satin, a pillow in her face, her bare feet trying to hide under her white lace dress 

“Annya, what do you want me to do babe? do you want me to buy you flowers? how can I make this right? We’ve been married for ten years my darling, I have no doubt in my mind we can get through this, please tell me what you want!” he said calmly, gazing at her precious small body, he longed to hold her in his arms, just make it all right. 

She wouldn’t look at him, she couldn’t look at him, she couldn’t let him see her cry for then his own eyes would become wet and salty just as hers have. 

“I can’t tell you” she cooed between tears 

“Yes you can, Babe please” he put his hand on the top of her head 

she swallowed and took a deep breath looking at him, carefully brushing her hair out of her face even though it was already a mess, although moving to Paris after growing up in London was quite hard for her she was lucky enough to meet an American like him 

“I want a baby” she spoke softly, sadness still in her eyes as one single tear dripped from her eye

James cleared his throat “Annya, you know what the doctor said”

“I know” she spoke harshly, covering her face with her hands, James caressed her cheeks, looking at her longingly 

“Hey, tell you what” he said with a sigh, biting his lip in the process “We can keep trying for one or we could adopt” 

“You mean it?” she wiped away her tears with her finger “Wait.. but I thought you didn’t want any?” she looked at him puzzled

“Well..” he said as he brushed the hair away from her face “I didn’t but I do now and I feel like we can make this happen, even if its a bit insane” he shrugged “besides I want a daughter that looks just like you, she can go to the puppet shows with us and you can sew her cute little dresses, she will be out miracle” 

Annya smiled, a big toothy grin and as she did that so did he, he knew she was happy right then and there, nothing could bring that smile down, even if he called her sensitive self a ” vindictive little bitch” like he did before this argument had started, but he wouldn’t call her that, he wouldn’t call her anything, not even crazy just love. 

Being the author in the family he had no choice but to write, first being a journalist in the us then coming to Paris, the transition was pretty tough for him too, the ringlets in his hair had become straight and his eyes had gotten greener, his tempter had shortened, he could not tolerate the nagging of a woman even his precious wife Annya who spoke more fluent french then he could understand 

“Julie” she said, “Juliette” 

“huh?” he asked, looking at her lovingly 

“That’s her name” she admitted “Juliette Shay is her first and middle name” 

He chuckled “we shall see” 

She sighed “No, I know that’s her name, she told me so” 

“Dear don’t you think your William Shakespeare is getting a little too much into your head? The other kids will make fun of her for her name” he shook his head 

“No, James, although my passion does run deep that is not why its her name, its her name because its her name there does not need to be a soul reason why. Kids may or they may not, a child of ours will have special talents that others will be jealous of” 

James grinned that toothy grin, she was right again, you can never really tell a true woman that she is wrong because shes right anyway that’s technically the law of nature, the woman have the children, they bleed, deal with it! the woman is always right. 

she made a weird noise with her mouth, sat up, stretched a little, of course James was watching the whole time. 

“what?” she asked slyly with a pierced look in her eyes 

“Well.. we could get started on that baby” he said flirtatiously with a cheesy wink

she laughed, they always had make up sex after an argument. Annya was usually the one who made it so. 

James waggled his eyebrows in that stupid way that just made her bust a freakin gut and she did, she laughed so hard she fell off the couch and into his strong arms 

And with that movement, he carried her up the stairs and into the bedroom

closing the door behind them