Heavens Door

Take me away
From the living
Let me walk among the dead
I want to be done with hope
With love
With fear
Today I wasn’t
Good enough
For anybody
I made two mistakes
Got yelled at for one
And can’t sleep
From words I heard
For the other
Let me drown
In the deepest of seas
Have
No one
Come after me
I still want my wings
More then anything
God you know
I don’t belong here
I don’t fit in
You know I’ve got
No home to live in
I’m too different and you know it
No ones willing to understand
Just take me home
Let me hold your hand
Please I beg you
I’m on my knees
You’ve heard me plead
Just like this before
Now kill me
And bring me to heavens door

The Chemical Reaction

Is it me
You want
Or my body
Your after
What about before?
Will this be different?
So many questions
And concerns
Is it the mere image of
My past self that haunts you?
Or could this all be true?
I’ve yet to hear your voice
But instead see words
Why this?
Why now?
Will I cry once you’ve gone
And left like before?
Or do you plan on staying
And holding my hand
Like a real man
As we both
Walk through
The door
Our lips
Connected
And attract
Like magnets
How will we both react?

Be Okay, Only Thinking of Me

Head aching
Feet shaking
Stomach quaking
Letting go
Of the past
Is the hardest
Thing to do
What hurts even more
Is that
I don’t know
If I love you
We don’t speak
Much anymore
And I’m done
Begging you
To stay
At my door
When I’m miles away
Your across another shore
You live in winter
I live in the fall
You don’t even answer
When I call
Or I speak of importance
You aren’t here
And you said that you
Never would be
So please
Let go of me
I don’t want anymore
Pain
You see
He’s different
Then you
And maybe
Someday
Ill learn if he will stay
Everything is going to be okay
Time to just go of the flow
Only thinking of me

You Are Different

You are not
Responsible
For her scars
You cannot heal
What has been done
The bruises
That lay on her skin
Are not far
They do not
Define
Who you are
The blacks
Blues
And purples
No reflection
But if
You caused
Her to feel
Hurt
In her heart
I encourage you
To apologize
To prove that
You’re different
Than other guys

LOVE HER

Love her 

Like You’ve 

Loved 

No other 

Thank You Lovely Lion

Music
Is
My healer
His words
Of
Kindness
Show
How different
We’ve both
Become
Yet
It’s almost
As if
Nothing’s
Changed

She’s Different

She’s different
Then who
She was before
She doesn’t chew
Her nails
Or
Cry like she did
Before
At night
You don’t know her
Like you think
You do anymore
Because
She’s different
Her art
And words
May seem the same
But I promise
She’s different

The Translucent Princess

“Your majesty you’re fading” spoke her lady in waiting, she had a puzzled look upon her face, putting her hand to her lips she let out a small gasp and shook her head.

“How could this happen me dear?!” her voice became quiet now, almost like a whisper, a nervous whisper. 

“There is but nothing you can do Madam, now please leave me in peace” spoke the princesses a bit too harshly, gazing at her hands in an enchanted way. Her porcelain colored hands fading quickly, her beautiful mahogany colored hair become translucent, as did her eyes of green, in a few hours all you could see of the princesses was the outline of her entire body, her clothes completely gone. 

You could still see her face, but there was not a scrap of color on her. 

Was that it? had she completely disappeared from the castle? 

The suitors were coming tomorrow, she could not appear to them as see-through as a wine glass and as naked as a new born baby. 

This happened so many nights, after nights but why tonight? why? 

The moon was almost full but not completely so maybe the curse would wear off around then, she hoped, whenever this happened she would go bath in her special lagoon, a glittering blue pool with nicely cut crystals at the bottom just like small pebbles. 

The moment your feet touched the pool your entire body would suddenly begin to relax and your body would sort of shimmer. It was a beautiful process. 

She sighed, how amazing it would be if someone could actually see her, just once, just see her. Just know that she was Princess Kay, so many princes had grown to have some form of affection towards her but once they realized she wasn’t perfect or she had given them what they wanted they had left her just like that. 

All Kay ever really wanted was for some man to just prove that he was different then the others, that someone may actually love her and care for her, but even those that promised left anyway. 

Kay found herself alone night after night, she hated living in the castle, she preferred her tent in the woods but being a princess she had her duty’s, to always take care of others, to give them what they wanted and making them happy, hardly ever thinking of herself. 

She wished to be a warrior one day and not so much of a “weird” princess. She loved everyone, but she rarely met men that she actually loved them for everything that they were. 

The princes of other kingdoms would hurt her, she didn’t like them, the prideful men who only care about themselves, she had given her heart to them many times hoping they would accept marriage someday but that never happened. 

She had pictured her future with only two of them, both leaving her and breaking her heart, then they would come back and ask for friendship but her love would never fade for either of them. It was just impossible. Both princes did the same thing, they did not speak of her love they just rejected her over and over making her feel like she could never be good enough for anyone. 

It seemed to her as if she was never going to find anyone and no one was going to find her and give her what she so deserved. 

Days went by, weeks even, she stayed there in her tent in the forest and going to her lagoon when she could. 

It seemed as if the only she could do was be herself and let the good things come to her, the things that she deserved. 

It was only a matter of time. 

 

That Was Then, This is NOW (short story)

“It’s always been about you Ella! Always! I’m so fucking sick of it! you don’t even listen to what I say!” Harry said angry, practically gritting his teeth.

“That was then!” Ella spoke broadly, “This is now, don’t you see? I’m not who I used to be! You’ve helped change me in so many ways, I used to worry all the time and now I don’t worry at all, I was selfish and pushed you away Harry because I was scared, I was so scared about the way that you felt about me. It wasn’t about me when we were together, maybe for like a month but it wasn’t so I had no choice but to gain my own confidence and love myself, you think it was easy for me to have you walk away the exact night my life fell apart?” she had her head in her hands now, “I’ve been trying to make it about you now that’s why I ask you what you want whenever I can, yes, I still love you, I’m never going to stop loving you for exactly who you are, I don’t see an image Harry, I see the real you and I can’t live without you”

she sighed and took a deep breath in and out, then said quietly “It doesn’t matter to me what I want, what matters to me is you and what you want, I want to see you happy wither it’s with me or without me”

Harry’s eyes flickered, he looked at her then smiled. He didn’t know what to say, all of her words carried so much meaning, it would take a while for him to take it all in. He knew it would be incredibly rude of him to leave and walk out like he had before but he needed some space.

“I need to think about this, okay?” he said in a slight determined way, his hands were in his pockets now, his mind began to wander.

Ella nodded, she understood but first she felt the need to apologize and thank him.

“Wait.. I’d like to say a few more things if that’s okay”

“Yeah.. sure” he stopped and sat down on a park bench and listened.

“I’m sorry Harry for who I was with you, I’m sorry for pushing you away, I’m sorry for saying such harsh hurtful things, I’m sorry for only thinking about myself, I’m sorry for not being your kind of perfect, I’m sorry for accepting you for exactly who you are, I’m sorry I will always love you, I’m sorry for letting you see the weaker side of me, I’m sorry for not listening, I’m sorry for still wishing you could love me like I love you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry”

now onto the thank you’s..

“Thank you Harry for being exactly who you are, Thank you for coming back to me when I thought all was lost, Thank you for staying, thank you for teaching me how to be a better person, thank you for putting up with my words, thank you for showing me how to be relaxed, thank you for caring about me in such a way that you do, thank you, thank you, thank you”

All he could do was smile at that but he sure needed time to think, she always did things like this, filling his head up with thoughts.

He took a step back, waved and walked away.

Ella just sat there on the bench, she felt so scared, she couldn’t loose him again no way in hell could she ever do that, she felt her heart tense, it was like there was a balled fist in her chest, she didn’t think of any “what if’s” or “could be’s” her wants didn’t matter to her when it came to the subject of them. Only he mattered, she had tried so hard to get close to him again, not as lovers really but just to be close in general.

She did still care about him, more then she should mostly, she missed the feeling of his warm skin against hers, maybe she just missed him. He was the one man in her life she knew she could never stop loving..

in their relationship in the past, it seemed his lust for her faded and turned into just “caring” and her caring for him turned into a sort of love really, she accepted him for who he was even the parts that frustrated her, she still was very much attracted to him, what she remembered most was how they kissed each other, but she wouldn’t allow that to happen again if it wasn’t what he had wanted.

Harry had made many excuses when they were together and only letting them be a “thing” which Ella didn’t really feel she had to take seriously so she never considered it a “relationship”, they had only spent three official days together during their “thing” and never really went on a single real “date” which gave Ella plenty of doubts then but it crushed her even more when he left her.. they spoke of death together then and she had her heart broken quite badly. She felt the two of the three months spent with him were more about him, it was almost as if he had grown bitter and cold, he was different then when they had met.

Ella had her faults too, she couldn’t bring herself to trust him completely until after they made love and she began to feel safer, she had stopped pushing him away and saying harsh hurtful things but he left her anyway.

Later he had asked to be friends, but at first Ella couldn’t do that, she loved him too much so naturally she wouldn’t allow it and tried her best to avoid him until one day she realized she couldn’t live without him so she agreed it would be best.

Ella tried so hard to get over Harry and not care about him as much as she actually did but she truly couldn’t stop, she didn’t know why, the memory’s of she and he together stayed so perfectly in her mind, so real too, she knew he was going to be the one man she could never really ever stop loving.

Ella had gotten so worried that someone would steal Harry from her, she cared about him that much that it just freaked her out so bad, so she pushed him away over and over again thinking that would bring him closer but it only made her look less desirable to him.

Maybe Harry was afraid too. She thought, maybe he’s scared to loose her again or to like her again, she didn’t know, it was best not to assume things anyway but how she wished for him to just prove somehow that he cared for her, it didn’t matter if it was friendship or more or less, she just wanted to be some form of importance to him, she treasures him that much and what he thinks.

If only he could see that.

She never really understood why she angered him sometimes, she never meant to do any of that, to make him feel any less of who he was, it was never her intention to hurt him or anything of that nature, lessons learned.

For the first time in a long time, Ella felt herself kneel to the ground and ask mother nature for her help.

“Mother Nature” she said with her sing-songy voice, she sounded sort of like she was going to cry “Please let Harry know that I’d do anything for him, that I can’t loose him again, he means so much to me, it doesn’t really matter how much I mean to him but right now I’d like to mean something, he’s changed me for the better, he’s taught me so much, I love him for exactly who he is and I know I’ve made many mistakes but I need him here in my life, as a friend, less or more, give or take, I just want him to be happy and I want to be there to see him smile. Please help me, I don’t know what else to do” she got up then, tear stains on her cheeks.

She took off her shoes and made her way home, waiting for his answer to it all.

An Unexpected Love Story in Camelot

In a cottage, not far from Camelot, lived a young woman far more beautiful then the rest and far strange then anyone had ever imagined. Her hair a dark brown with tints of red and a slight curl, it shone in the candle light. Her eyes were known for changing color within her moods. Her lips were perfect, a pale pink. Her skin was always pale almost like snow but once the sun hit it and she burned she looked as if she were a gypsy of the old ways, only with some slight freckles ontop of her pointed down nose. This night was different then most nights at home in her tiny little cottage.. 

She couldn’t sleep, instead she found herself writing words that once lay on the pages of her tattered, used, too large of a heart, now in the old henna washed pages of a leather bound book.

Her quill was made of the feather of her dear friend the Phoenix, enchanting really, brushed with the brightest gold and the color of crimson red like the blood that fell from her fingertips whenever she intended to work some white magic. She wasn’t necessarily a “witch” as so many had labeled her before, nor much of a “sorceress”, though there was plenty gossip around the village. It never really bothered her, she had her friends the animals, being an orphan like herself it was natural to gain respect for those who clearly were less seen. 

She was never given much of a name as a child, though, then again, all she did was sell matches, “the little match girl”, the townspeople would call her. She found it a bit offensive but learned to live with it until she grew out of the name and found herself a real hobby. 

When the headmistress of the orphanage got her as a infant, she was said to have been found in a seaweed basket completely naked with nothing but a necklace made of emerald around her neck with a strange carving on it, a symbol of some sort maybe. 

She found more dangers as a child then she did now, roaming around at night in cotton dress and petticoat would never be enough for the poor girl in the wintertime, men with thoughts in their heads of ruin could do anything to a little girl like her, she screamed plenty and the headmistress would never believe the poor girl about what had happened that night or other nights before. As an adult she tried her best to forget about her past. 

She had become a sensational woman, daughter of eve, lover of mother nature, her work always being towards the good no matter what cost. 

She wrote, of everything, every secret, every craving, every feeling of love and lust, things she felt were beyond important to her. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 

“Come in!” she said sweetly, as she put her quill in the ink one last time before the distraction had occurred. 

“Goddess!” he shouted “Sweet glorious gift of my life! The pure truth in my heart!” 

He always called her names like these, making her completely flattered, her face a bright red and undoubtedly her knickers quite wet. It was Merlin, the young lad who worked for the dear prince Arthur. He was a handsome Wizard, his hair was the color of a slightly dirty wax vanilla candle or the sandy color of the beach, he always had stubble on his face or a mustache and gotee type of thing, his teeth were a bit crooked but that always gave her a smile, he wasn’t big in the stomach nor was he too skinny, defiantly strong though, his eyes were hazel like the sun in the dark clouds, big and beautiful, his lips were perfectly shaped, bigger bottom lip then the top one, she had always admired him,  found him attractive she sure did. 

She got up from her desk and jumped into his arms, kissing him so passionately his eyes closed ever so sweetly, the taste of him drove her crazy. She ran her fingers into his short hair, pulling him closer. 

She only wore dresses on special occasions, so normally a while peasant blouse and some leather leggings would do, some tie up boots as well, so of course it was hard for Merlin to simply take them off her.. but he had been over a dozen times before and knowing his powers, with the snap of his fingers she could be bare breasted in no time at all. 

Merlin brought her to the bed, he mumbled a small spell, which made her clothes vanish in an instant. She then repeated the same spell, taking his off as well. 

“My goddess..” he would say as he kissed every part of her body like she were the most fragile being on earth. “You.. are so beautiful..I’m so glad.. your mine” then he gazed ever so deeply and passionately into her eyes “I love you” he spoke truthfully. 

“I love you and I’m never letting you go” he spoke gently again, on his knees, moving closer to her delicate parts, he loved so much to put his lips down there, making her moan and pant with sexual pleasure. She kissed him and whispered in his ear “I love you too” then winked at him in a sexy way, making him shiver. 

She opened herself up as he slowly put himself inside of her. She shuttered, it had stung just a bit but she liked it when he did that. Their bodies then began to move in harmony with each other, her eyes grew wide and her mouth moaned with completely blinding justice, she was his there was no doubt about that.

She lay on top of him now, still moving deeply together, he held her small body so closely to his, it was if her spine could break a little, he kissed her and kissed her and kissed her until his lips became chapped and sore. Hours had gone by, maybe even days, they didn’t know, time meant nothing to them. 

Soon they had finished, after she had her multiple orgasms and he had cum plenty of times, she lay on his chest looking deeply into his beautiful eyes. She rubbed her nose with his which always secretly meant “I love you, I care about you, I need you, stay with me” it sent a shiver down his spine, butterflies in his stomach and fire on his lips. He was different then the rest, he knew what it meant the moment she first did that comforting action to him. 

“My Goddess.. My beauty.. my princess.. may I ask you something?” he questioned comfortably, kissing her a bit here and there. In return she smiled and kissed back.. “Yes my love Merlin.. what is it?” she asked back. 

He took what looked like a precious stone out from under the pillow, but it wasn’t just a stone, it was a diamond encrusted with emeralds in the shape of a circle with a magical silver glowing spiral inside it, a ring. 

“Will you marry me?” he asked her confidently with a grin. 

“Yes!” she spoke loudly, kissing his face over and over again ,smiling, then she spoke like a song “We are betrothed!” she touched her heart playfully “you are mine and I am yours more defiantly!” 

Soon day’s would pass and Merlin would have to go on another quest, she would have to wait to see her lover then, dearest to her sacred heart, but they would always communicate using magic until he came home again. 

True love you see, is the greatest gift and the hardest to work for, if two beings of the old ways, of magic and spells can fall so deeply in love succeeding in creating a love so great even a king would be jealous then you my dear can work as they do, for your see, love is always with us, even if we cannot see it in the start of our story it always appears in times unknown to us but very well known to the center of our unique hearts.