Two Paths

If you
Leave
Then you’ve
Never changed
If you
Stay
Plenty
Of
Happiness
Can be
Arranged

Good Things Are About to Rain

Eyes tired 

head spinning

thoughts racing

which one will win?

she cannot wait

for the goodness

to begin

nervous she is

that

things could not work out

again

and disappointment

will stay in her head

 but the mists 

of good things 

are about to rain 

all over you 

time 

shall not 

take as long 

as you think

just smile 

and relax 

things will reveal themselves 

without much of you 

to ask 

keep your head up 

do not worry 

time will scurry 

across the floor 

and soon 

a new door 

will open 

you’ll be drinking 

sweet 

alcohol in no time 

 

 

The Translucent Princess

“Your majesty you’re fading” spoke her lady in waiting, she had a puzzled look upon her face, putting her hand to her lips she let out a small gasp and shook her head.

“How could this happen me dear?!” her voice became quiet now, almost like a whisper, a nervous whisper. 

“There is but nothing you can do Madam, now please leave me in peace” spoke the princesses a bit too harshly, gazing at her hands in an enchanted way. Her porcelain colored hands fading quickly, her beautiful mahogany colored hair become translucent, as did her eyes of green, in a few hours all you could see of the princesses was the outline of her entire body, her clothes completely gone. 

You could still see her face, but there was not a scrap of color on her. 

Was that it? had she completely disappeared from the castle? 

The suitors were coming tomorrow, she could not appear to them as see-through as a wine glass and as naked as a new born baby. 

This happened so many nights, after nights but why tonight? why? 

The moon was almost full but not completely so maybe the curse would wear off around then, she hoped, whenever this happened she would go bath in her special lagoon, a glittering blue pool with nicely cut crystals at the bottom just like small pebbles. 

The moment your feet touched the pool your entire body would suddenly begin to relax and your body would sort of shimmer. It was a beautiful process. 

She sighed, how amazing it would be if someone could actually see her, just once, just see her. Just know that she was Princess Kay, so many princes had grown to have some form of affection towards her but once they realized she wasn’t perfect or she had given them what they wanted they had left her just like that. 

All Kay ever really wanted was for some man to just prove that he was different then the others, that someone may actually love her and care for her, but even those that promised left anyway. 

Kay found herself alone night after night, she hated living in the castle, she preferred her tent in the woods but being a princess she had her duty’s, to always take care of others, to give them what they wanted and making them happy, hardly ever thinking of herself. 

She wished to be a warrior one day and not so much of a “weird” princess. She loved everyone, but she rarely met men that she actually loved them for everything that they were. 

The princes of other kingdoms would hurt her, she didn’t like them, the prideful men who only care about themselves, she had given her heart to them many times hoping they would accept marriage someday but that never happened. 

She had pictured her future with only two of them, both leaving her and breaking her heart, then they would come back and ask for friendship but her love would never fade for either of them. It was just impossible. Both princes did the same thing, they did not speak of her love they just rejected her over and over making her feel like she could never be good enough for anyone. 

It seemed to her as if she was never going to find anyone and no one was going to find her and give her what she so deserved. 

Days went by, weeks even, she stayed there in her tent in the forest and going to her lagoon when she could. 

It seemed as if the only she could do was be herself and let the good things come to her, the things that she deserved. 

It was only a matter of time. 

 

I Would Love to Find a Man Who is Strong Enough To Catch Me

I wish I had discovered this sooner: 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/12-things-no-one-told-me-about-sex-after-rape/

As most of you know 

I have struggled to get over my past 

and when I was 17 

I was “raped”

I’ve told the story on here plenty of times 

so reading this article 

made me cry 

because it is really hard to get over such a traumatizing event 

I mean I’m no longer afraid of penises now 

thank god 

but after you’ve been raped 

it takes a long time to get over that 

sexually some guys will treat you with kindness 

and for someone who has been hurt before 

sometimes we’ve got no choice but to cry with joy 

I was treated horribly 

it wasn’t just rape happening 

it was pretty much abuse 

slapping,hitting, kicking, choking 

I will not say anymore then that 

so now whenever someone

treats me with a large amount 

of kindness and care 

I will tear up a bit or cry 

living with that in my past

has defiantly made me more emotional 

as well as aggressive and less trusting

so once I put my trust in you

please don’t abuse it

or treat me disrespectfully

I always look for the good in people

honestly that’s all I see in people

no matter how “bad” they are considered

I love everyone

I give love to everyone even if they say they don’t deserve it

you never know how much someone has to sacrifice until you talk with someone who has had something they valued taken from them cruelly

two years ago almost three was when it happened to me  

and my own body still isn’t completely over it 

I used to have nightmares about it 

it seems to me like the only way I can really heal

is to be with someone I love 

who will kiss me and help me heal 

is it dumb of me to have forgiven the fool who did this to me? 

no, it just shows how strong I am for getting away when I could 

even though I was a kid and half the time I had no clue what was happening to me 

there is gonna be someone out there 

or there already is someone here who is willing to help me get threw this 

I do still have some sadness on the subject 

I don’t even like sleeping at night alone 

and seeing bad entities doesn’t help

or at least entities that seem as if they have the capabilities to hurt me 

I feel like I fight everyday just to survive 

to not feel completely and utterly insane or crazy 

I don’t let people see me cry 

even of happiness I can’t do that 

unless I know I mean something to them 

only two people

have ever been special enough to see me like that 

and those same people 

those same boys 

or men (whichever they prefer) 

were the only ones to ever see full and complete happiness 

one left because of his own mistake 

and the other left because of mine 

but we are both to blame 

it’s not always just one persons fault 

and I should stop feeling guilty about things that just happen

but I guess I just struggle with that 

I feel like a lot of things are my fault 

People just want me to be this person that I’m really not 

my own father try’s to change me 

I’m never gonna be the type of girl that they want 

I don’t want to be her

I want acceptance for who I am 

for everything 

to just have one man feel that way about me 

I shouldn’t have to be “perfect” 

He should be able to see me in my pj’s or naked 

and just love every bit of me 

even when I get angry or sad 

or cry with joy 

my best friend has had a boyfriend for seven months 

and he adores her 

I’m pretty sure he catch’s her whenever she falls 

I would love to find a man who is strong enough to catch me 

to be honest that is all I have ever wanted in my life 

all I’ve ever asked for 

to take something like that from me Mother Nature 

I could never forgive you 

I even prayed 

and begged for christ’s sake 

and I continue to ask politely for it 

I don’t care what anybody else thinks 

it doesn’t matter what age you are when you find love 

let me repeat love not lust 

I’m pretty sure my first love was my first kiss 

I was in fourth grade 

and I thought I would marry the guy 

but we ended up going our separate ways 

I know people say that I’m young 

and that I should just explore sexually 

but I’m done with that 

I’m sorry I am 

I just want to be with one person 

I wanna know who I’m going to die next to as an old lady 

I may look young on the outside 

but I have an old soul 

and I will always be young 

I’m not like other girls 

I don’t want a big flashy wedding 

I’ll buy a 100$ dress 

and go get married somewhere else 

I’m not going to wait for anyone 

I’m so completely done with waiting 

no one is ever going to be perfect for me 

and I won’t be perfect for them 

I’ve given my heart away more then once 

only to be left with nothing 

I’ve chosen to give it 

expecting to..

be loved in return

is expecting what I give someone

the same thing in return too much? 

or am I just not enough? 

will I ever be enough for someone? 

am I too hard to handle? 

am I too much?

I have asked you

question after question Mother Nature

I have begged on my knees 

and cried over and over again 

I don’t really know what else to do 

I don’t know if their is anything I can do 

Am I wanting too much?

it brings me happiness to be in a real mans arms 

who actually cares 

to sleep together 

just sleep 

naked body against naked body

exposing our beauty to each other 

do I not deserve something like that?

I sure as hell think I do deserve it! 

I deserve as many kisses as I do oxygen 

I deserve to smile and feel happiness whenever it appears on my face 

I deserve a hand to hold like the sun deserves to the sky 

I deserve a man who can catch me when there’s nothing but sadness in my eyes 

who will be here for me no matter how long the drive or how far away the distance 

is there anyone brave enough to accept every piece of me 

even the parts that crumble?

I’m no victim 

but I’m no hero either 

sometimes my light does fade 

but that doesn’t stop me 

if you can always see 

the beauty as me 

I’ve made mistakes 

I’ve broken my own heart 

 I don’t want us 

to be apart 

I’ve written

poem after poem

and 

story after story

what more could mother nature

possibly want from me?

I guess time can only tell 

so I might as well 

wait until then 

I hope wont be long 

let him sing me a song 

hold me tighter 

so that he won’t miss 

a single kiss 

from my lips 

I’ll be a big part of your world 

not just some lonely girl 

don’t make me wait too long 

I dislike singing sad songs 

never forget about 

Hallelujah

sing it to me in the night

maybe then everything

will be alright  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WORDS

I am not “normal” 

Please do not ever dare say such a thing to me 

I recently finished Feng Shui-ing my room and now it is all clean and lovely 

the two things that bring me to complete peace is cleaning and meditating/listening to music 

Water does too, like lakes, I get really into them literally ahaha, once I get into the water its really hard to get out 

From now on I will try my best NOT to VENT when I’m angry at someone for a stupid reason or at all, I will simply mediate and calm down. That is how it shall be and how it shall stay. 

I’ve been quite distracted lately and really really busy, so I apologize for not posting stories or poems like I usually do. I will get back on that soon, okay. I just need some more inspiration at the moment, that’s kind of taught since the 20th was pretty much one of the best days of my life and it brought tons of inspiration but.. thinking about it just makes me miss him even more. 

I feel like there has been a bump in the road but things will get back to normal soon, at least after this week. Which is GOOD, THANK OZ!! 

I kind of need some time to myself now, I haven’t really gotten that but like I said I did a lot of picking up and cleaning today. I’m going to have a job soon so that’s good and my permit as well. 

I feel like kind of a freak for most likely missing him more then he misses me at this point. I’m sure we will hang out soon, no worries. no worrying at all. I try not to worry, but sometimes I do and since my family on my dads side is full of worries, I somehow got a bit of that but I use meditation as my guide to stop, music helps too. 

It’s just bad when I’m sad.. to be quite honest, when I’m sad it’s a lot like the oceans and a hurricane. I don’t really let anyone see me cry, it’s just something I don’t do. You can see me when I’m strong but unless I’m in love with you you won’t be seeing when I’m at my weakest. 

I do have tears of joy and they really only happen when I am completely overwhelmed with happiness. Mainly if I’m being kissed a certain way or everywhere, I can cry, I’ve only had that happen once. 

Sad tears are the worst. If you think I’m pretty when I’m sad I might believe it, I’m more fascinated with myself if I am overcome by a negative emotion, although I’m still learning how to control my emotions and actually identify them. Anger is bad too.. I will say hurtful words even when I really don’t intend on hurting anyone I will just say them just to say them. 

I will not “demonize” anyone or make them look like they are the bad guy, unless they are an ex boyfriend who broke my heart or beat me up. Got it? GOOD! 😛 

I am not a fan of being insulted, to be quite honest, I’ve been labeled, harassed, sexually harassed and bullied for a long time, from fourth grade up until my last day of high school. So please don’t insult me, if I don’t know you, I won’t really give a fuck. But if you tell me to go kill myself or that I’m ugly, there will be a lot of hell fire rising I can promise you that or I’ll do that mature thing and let someone else handle it or just ignore you. 

If you call me “beautiful” “pretty” “gorgeous” “sexy” THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! and if you can think of anything that’s super nice to say and you say it THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I love people who give out compliments and mean it!! 

Oh! I have this amazing plan! once I’m all moved in and have time, I’m going to buy a Banjo and teach myself, then a keyboard and teach myself but I suppose I’ll have to do one at a time. 

Yeah. Well I’ll write up a story or poem or two tonight just to let you know.