Tag Archives: thoughts

Nymph Out of Water

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Can’t
Commit
To loving
Someone
Right now
Half the time
I don’t know
How
Visions
Of the ocean
Where am I
Going?
Brown hair
Turned
A lovely
Mahogany red
Brown eyes
Turned green
As the grass
By the sea
Scars
Still wounded
Numb of pain
Maybe I am
Insane
Bangs don’t
Fall
Straight
Heart hurting
Where is my fate?
Soft breeze
Messed up
Feet
I know who
I am but
Why is it
That it’s
Always about
Them?
Born of fire
Birthed at sea
Maybe the person
I’m running from
Is me

Almost

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Suicide trips 

knife to my lips 

tears in my eyes 

pain in my heart 

wanting to rip myself apart

water loose from my veins 

I think I’m going insane 

“Nobody loves you. Nobody can love you” 

words chant in my head 

I think I’m better off dead 

who to talk too?

who to call?

nobody really loves me 

at all

can’t trust anyone else

countless texts

you wanted sex

you try to say goodbye 

a thousand times 

only to end up 

with him on the other line 

miles away 

it’s not the same 

your fingers are numb now 

from pain 

your heart aches 

for his touch

you’ve scared away 

everyone else 

because they aren’t enough

your mind races 

as you bring the silver closer

panicking more 

and more 

so many tears 

life is blurred 

but he saved 

you 

he is 

here 

 

 

Listen To My Heart, My Mind, Will I ever Shine?

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Those with the big hearts 

are always misunderstood

one wrong move 

and that’s it 

you’re no good 

men accuse woman 

of unrealistic expectations 

because of the movies 

but if a nice girl

isn’t perfect 

then he’ll drop her 

like she’s nothing

treat her like shit 

and we’ve gotta 

act like 

were over it 

I am made up of loneliness

according to everyone

my dreams are too ambitious

I please others

until I am left with nothing

the more people I loose

the more my heart breaks

and the faster

I will wake

my body will shake

and this heart will beat no more

so tell me

who will save me?

who will open that door?

the god ive prayed to

no longer answers me

I’ve had all of my friends

abandon me

i do not need pity

I either need death

or to be given a reason to live

I can’t take anymore of this shit  

 

 

Time To Breath

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I haven’t been able to write

I don’t know why

now it just

doesn’t feel

as right

How?

I couldn’t say

I’ve made plenty

of mistakes

but I can no longer

keep my secrets here

at least for now

I’ll stay

I’m not going anywhere

but I need you

to be patient

I’ll be back soon

their are just

somethings

I need to do

Damn Well Worth it

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Her head is full

of

so many

thoughts

her heart

is tied up

in a knot

green eyes

can’t tell

a truth from

a lie

tears wasted

on pain

that doesn’t

belong

such a shame

her

intuition

was wrong

as the rain

begins

to pour

she cannot be sure

so much confusion

for no reason

what a fool

to think you found the one

when all he ever did

was make you glum

idiots

can’t stand the fun

so they treat you

like

nothin’

I’m done running

so please

just give me

something

I’m not perfect

but I’m damn well

worth it

You Stay Johanna, The Way I Dreamed You Were,

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Today I took public transportation home

from work

I had my headphones in

but the music wasn’t exactly that loud

since I sort of keep it at a good volume

a mother got on the bus

with her beautiful little blonde girls

then as everyone else got on

there was this woman

who was sitting near the front of the bus

touching the wall with one hand

she was talking to it I think

or something she saw

that everyone else couldn’t

then like any other human

I made small assumptions

like

“she’s probably done a lot of drugs”

“She probably lives on the street”

but something told me none of those could be true

something told me

it was wrong to think that way about her

about anyone

I felt she was no different then I

just because I couldn’t see what she was seeing

doesn’t mean it wasn’t there

get it?

I don’t think she is crazy

doctors diagnose things to gain money

not one of us is normal

or even close to normal

I don’t mind labels much anymore

but stereotypes and assumptions

I cannot stand

I do notice every little detail

and I do think too much

when I feel I must

I love noticing things other humans don’t

I’m aware that some think I’m unintelligent

but I read books

I learn from others

I say things

hoping they wont blow up in my face

I put myself out there

in hope that I can make an impact

on someone else’s life

I don’t care if you weren’t looking for me

I don’t care if your not interested

I will leave my mark on you

or on your life

I did not pity this woman on the bus

I had half a mind to go up and ask her who she’s talking too

but I felt it would be rude of me to interrupt her conversation

I think she’s like me

she may feel human (which I often don’t)

but I think her gifts are a bit more advanced then mine

I’ve only ever seen ghosts during or after sundown/sunset

I know people were looking at her with disgust or like she’s insane

I’ve gotten looks like that most of my life

the whole

“Your too different”

I’d like to feel less alone

I’m not saying I’m “lonely”

lonely means I’m sad I’m alone

I just said that

I’d like to feel less alone

I’d like to have one human being who doesn’t think I’m crazy

I know God doesn’t think I’m crazy

the lord gave me these gifts because he knew

that I am strong and that I’d get stronger

I’d like a companion

of some sort

friend, best friend, boyfriend, lover

just give me one person

who won’t judge me right away

or assume things about who I am based off my actions

or my looks

I want honesty

and loyalty

and passion

but above all

I would like care

and if its not too much to ask

maybe a love of some kind

Please let them not talk about themselves all the time

I know sometimes I talk about myself

but that’s only because

I want to know them

so I tell them about myself

no more assholes okay God

no more jerks who just want me for my body

no more men with big egos who care more about themselves then anyone else

no more men who worry about money in their pockets

no more men who don’t make time for themselves or anyone else

you give me humans who will always stay

no matter how hard life gets for us

and with that

my thoughts have trailed off yet again

you’ll most likely read my thoughts in the next post