Sensitivity!

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE 

AND THINKING THAT 

THOSE WHO ARE SENSITIVE ARE WEAK?

being sensitive 

just means that we 

have more of a sense 

of strength 

but it doesn’t have to come 

from the strength in our body

it’s in our minds 

and our hearts 

that makes us 

different 

I am extremely sensitive 

to others 

and many things 

I get sick by certain people 

who have a certain aura 

that suck energy 

I can get too stressed 

if too much happens in one day

or I pass too many people who are worried 

negative energy and emotions make me sick 

literally sick 

after being in a fight 

with one of my friends 

last weekend? 

I ended up with a slight fever

and I was paler then I usually am 

and I couldn’t eat anything 

since the words that were said to me 

gave me an anxiety attack

it wasn’t all that major really 

I just lost a lot of energy 

and my mouth sorta bled 

I also fainted 

and I couldn’t eat anything

it’s just what major pain 

does to me I guess

but when I’m happy 

and surrounded by positive things and people 

I feel like nothing can bring me down

and I no longer feel like I’m some crazy person

I wish I could heal more people 

but I know that’s not really the best thing 

for me to do 

last time I did that 

it didn’t really do much

but leave me 

with that persons sadness

I think assholes are weak 

because they portray themselves

as “NOT SENSITIVE”

and they put themselves first so much

that it becomes impossible to love them

because they think 

“hey if I put this person down it’ll make me feel better about myself”

newsflash dumbass 

it is unkind 

rude 

and hurtful

to treat others like that 

Men who are all 

“Holyier then thow” 

suck.

Believe me.

I’ve dated prideful man way too many times. 

NEVER AGAIN. 

Man, it feels so good to say that! 

I like guys with confidence. 

enough confidence. 

Oooooh! 

I almost forgot! 

ladies! 

I have a tip for you

casually look down at the foot of a guy you like 

and if one of his feet are pointing towards you 

IT MEANS HE LIKES YOU 😀 

and thinks your beautiful 

trust me on this. 

Men don’t ever act “themselves” 

around the woman they like 

I’m sorry I’m too tired to write any poems 

or stories right now 

I need to spend time healing 

and forgiving 

because forgiveness 

can make any soul 

happier 

and bring one hell 

of a load 

off your chest 

I don’t really forget these sorts of things 

(see blog post before this) 

but healing would defiantly make me feel better

we’ll see what else 

makes things better 

within the week 

I have hope 

Don’t worry 

before you know it 

I’ll be smiling again

instead of feeling like I’m fading 

with stupid pain

I love you all

thank you so much for being here for me 

I’ll let you know 

when I will be writing again

there will be happier story’s 

and poems 

and hopefully much to do 

with water 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SOON THE MOON WILL SMILE

Well things are getting better 

I cried a lot a lot a lot last night 

but I needed it 

it helped a lot 

I deleted the people who 

don’t deserve to be part of my life 

or have treated me badly in the past 

I cannot tell you how absolutely wonderful 

it feels to have those people out of my life

and then I’m making new friends 

and seeing so many new people 

but of course this doesn’t mean 

that I’m letting go of my true friends 

I’m just making more friends 

I couldn’t sleep last night 

for the life of me 

so I’m pretty damn tired today 

but today was so amazing! 

I was too lazy to put my contacts in 

so I just put on my glasses 

and some bright red lipstick

and believe it or not! 

I still got starred at! 

me! with tired eyes! no makeup and glasses! 

I got stared at! 

so naturally my confidence just shot off the roof and flew pretty high

and not only that

I’m doing ART

I’m doing what I love more then anything in the world! 

what I have a passion for more then anything! 

ART!!! 

I haven’t had a boyfriend in about a year.

Well at least a real one

meaning he said I was his girlfriend 

so naturally he’d be my boyfriend 

and guess what?! 

I’m perfectly okay with that 

I don’t need a relationship

if a guy really likes me he can do all the work himself 😉

I’m done chasing after people 

it’s too much work 

and most of the time 

the people aren’t worth it 

This time 

he will be the one calling me as much as he possibly can

giving me more then enough attention

and taking me on adventures 

and the sex

the sex will actually be 

completely sexually satisfying 

because he will love me 

and I will love him

I guess that’s all I can think of now

there will be more 

stories 

poems 

and personal posts 

coming soon

 

 

You Bare The Scars You’ve Done Your Time

To be quite honest I have been lonely for a very long time and when I am lonely I get very very sad, I sort of feel like I’m fading as my heart aches.
I’ve been hurt a lot too, mainly by people who I care the most about, I’ve been hurt since I was very young.. A lot of my life has been of just me getting hurt and I try so hard ya know, I’ve been bullied a lot, I mean a lot, I’ve had such hurtful poisoness bone crushing heart breaking words spoken to me many times and it doesn’t help that Alice is inside my head sometimes, she makes me forget the good things about myself and I mean I’m used to getting judged but words like that can break me so easily. My gifts, they make me more sensitive to everything around me and I guess it doesn’t really help that my heart carry’s so much love in it. I often feel like a child, or even a goddess or an angel of some sort trapped inside this body. Sometimes I hate my body.. A lot, sometimes I get these thoughts in my head that scare me that I feel like acting on and it just makes me feel like I’m crazy. People have called me “crazy” many times, I told you all about the abusive relationship I was in two years ago.. and what he did to me.. What he said, how I was hurt so badly. I don’t try to feel sorry for myself, I don’t, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I just want you all to know how hard it can be to be me, I’m sure everyone has had a tough life but all I know is how hard and full of pain my has been. I can easily push away sadness, I can hide my tears. I try so hard to stay positive all the time, and I mean all the time because that’s what I was taught. I’m made of marble on the outside most of the time where I’ll just laugh at what I think is funny and use my imagination as much as possible but I am sad, I’m still healing from all the shit that’s been happening. I can heal other people but apparently it’s harder for me to heal myself.. I need help with it, I need someone to talk to whenever I feel sad otherwise it consumes me and I don’t like myself when it does that. I have tried to heal by myself but I can’t I just feel more lonely. I’ve been trying really hard to reach out to people who I feel are strong enough to help me but they’ve just thought too much about themselves so.. I don’t really have anyone right now and so I’m sad and hurting. So writings been helping a little bit, I don’t need therapy for this, I’ve been going since I was twelve, this isn’t for a therapist to help me, not this time. I do meditate and stay more relaxed now so that my mind isn’t everywhere. So there ya go, have some facts about me and my pain, I’m healing but very slowly.

The Beauty of a Withered Flower

So many thoughts in my head 

So much shit that I’ve gone through 

I’m so stressed that I could explode

The man I love

doesn’t want to stay

and he wont stay for me

no matter how badly I want him too

I don’t know if he will ever come back

or one day love me

like I love him

 my visions of us have become quite blurred 

that makes me sad 

but at least we can be friends 

I feel like I’m loosing hope though 

like right now I don’t even know what to do

it’s kind of like 

who’s going to love me now?

who could possibly love a girl whose hearts been 

broken and ripped apart so many times?

it’s like finding beauty 

in a withered flower

are withered flowers beautiful?

some of them 

what about the ones that have been stomped on?

not so much

well I feel like that 

I mean you’d have to have one hell of a heart 

to be with me 

and you’d have to trust me too

I don’t know 

maybe I’m not cut out or this 

true love stuff 

anymore

but it’s what I want 

ya know 

I wanna find that person

or have him find me 

and I wanna spend the rest of my life with him

ow can that possibly be too much to ask?

I’d rather spend my life 

in one relationship

with one person

always 

ya know?

it makes me feel like 

theres something wrong with me or something 

I know so many people that are getting engaged 

and married 

or having kids 

I mean they are so lucky 

and I’m trying to find that 

to have that 

(well not the kids yet but you get the idea)

I just feel like 

by now I should be on my way

to marrying someone 

or being engaged for a few years 

I try so hard to make things work 

with everyone 

I don’t know if I’ll ever get 

another chance with anyone

from my past either 

most of them just blame me 

not really taking responsibility for what they’ve done 

I can’t help but think about one though

alright two

My first real love.. 

and my second love 

My first love would always take us to the river 

we’d talk and walk around 

I treasure the memories 

I have with him 

more then anyone else 

even though we both wrecked it 

I would try again with him 

Then my second love 

I’m not quite sure of what to say 

about him 

but my fondest memory 

is just of him kissing away my tears 

I’d try again with him too 

but I’m pretty sure 

that they both 

are trying very hard to forget me 

I made the mistake of pushing them away 

but I don’t do that anymore 

I care too much to do that to people I love 

I think I’m just going to go with the flow 

not make any rash decisions

see who I end up with

To the man who get’s my heart next

please hold it tight

do your best not to drop it

or let scratch in anyway

and if you do

can you fix it?

It would be greatly appreciated

 

I love you

-Zoe  

 

 

 

Zoe & Alice

Your too nice Zoe, why can’t you be more of a bitch? 

People don’t like bitches Alice, believe me, I can only be that way when I’m incredibly pissed and even when pissed I can be dangerous but I try very hard to not let others see that of me, nor will I let them see my sadness 

But you make some people speechless from being so kind 

That’s because some of the greatest people don’t know really realize how much kindness they deserve 

So people like you? 

Yeah, sure, people like me but there’s no one really like me though, I’ve only ever found a few people who think like I do, I mean a while ago I met someone who thinks the same way I do about love and who enjoys the essence of being nude 

Well ain’t that sweet 

Yeah, it is pretty cool 

So are you less frazzled now? less stressed? everything okay?

Yes. Yes. and Yes. Do I fascinate you? like at all? 

I think you fascinate a lot of people, you march to the beat of your own drum, your you and that is truer then true. You always speak with meaningful kind words unless someone has hurt you or you feel they aren’t listening. You know your true beauty even if sometimes you do not feel it. I think sometimes you just want so badly to be in that future you desire, that you get lost and when are lost, you feel very lonely. 

But I don’t expect anything from anyone, I honestly don’t, just respect in return, I would like to be someones last love, someones wife and mother of our children, I’ve searched high and low for that type of thing and anyone I’ve ever given my love to has hurt me in some way 

Then let this man come to you. He will prove he is worthy, stop going after people who can’t love you back, who don’t want to love you back and who aren’t strong enough to catch you. You give away so much love Zoe, so much love, you give away too much you might not have anything left for the man who will love you more then life itself, oxygen, water, you name it. 

Okay, I know. That’s what I’m trying to do. That’s why today I need time to myself, I’m only allowing few people to converse with me. If someone want’s to talk to me they talk first.

Did you ever think that maybe you come off a bit too strong to people you meet? 

I just say everything I think and feel, but I’ve been trying very hard to stop.. okay no I haven’t, it’s just when I get nervous I go on and on, it’s only like that with specific people I admire. Please do not go all negative on me. I really dislike that. 

I understand Zoe but when was the last time you went on a date? hmm? what happened last time you went on a date? 

He called me up a day later and told me he was no longer interested, the guy before him said I was awkward. I was really hoping you wouldn’t bring that shit up again. I have no idea when I’ll be asked out again okay so just shut up please. 

No. I’m not going to shut up about this, you get all dressed up for guys who aren’t all that into you, you put your precious hope into things that don’t happen, you give your heart out to others hoping they will treasure it and love you for the rest of your life but you end up with it in pieces. We have done this over and over again and your big fucking heart won’t be able to take it much longer, Men are scared Zoe, they get scared about spending the rest of their life with someone who they think isn’t perfect, to them it’s all about that “dream girl” the one that doesn’t exist that they just go looking for and looking for only to find out she was the girl they lost 10 years ago. Look around and tell me anyone who you think would marry you. Go on say it. 

No. I won’t say it, whoever this guy is that tells me he loves me night after night whose face I can’t place, he will find me, HE WILL FIND ME, Alice, make no mistake of that. I thought we were done with this bullshit? this whole “negative” crap? You know your part of the reason why I can’t feel like I’m human, because most of the time you want me dead and I can’t do that, I can’t do this anymore Alice, so many of the things that you say hurt me, they fucking hurt and I can’t deal with it any longer. I’m not perfect and I’m a fucking hell of a lot far from normal but you can’t put me down like this and make me feel guilty and sad about who I am. It’s been a long time since any guy has thought that I’m “cool” okay, I wont let you scare him away like you have scared away so many humans before. I’m not a god damn charity case. There is nothing wrong with me, nothing, people have said that there are but they are damn wrong about it. You stress me out and you stress other people out, you’ve made people I love hate me. Yes, hate me! and I can’t deal with you anymore. I’m done randomly crying at night for no good reason, I’m done hearing words like “bitch” and “whore” come out of your mouth, you need to leave and never come back, leave Alice. I said before that you could stay if you said nice, true and good things, if you don’t have the heart to do that then I need you to leave forever and never come back. I’m not going to destroy my own life to make you happy. I’m not going to have anymore hurt in my heart because of you, so choose now if you’d like to stay or go. 

Zoe.. I.. 

Choose Alice, this is the last chance you will ever get, just no more hurt please 

Okay. I, I’ll stay but I’ll only ask questions and say night things just like you said, I don’t want to see you hurt, not like this anymore

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Please don’t ever speak harsh words of me again

You’re beautiful 

Thank you ❤