You Build Me Up And Then I fall Apart.

I’m stupid for getting my hopes up yet again

only this time they were high hopes

and I sent a lot of love out to the universe only to get punched in the face

as well as the gut

I’m like a stupid girl

who thinks someday

I’m going to be magically saved by a prince

with glorious long hair

a beard

and eyes like the sea

maybe I’ve had my happiness

or something like that

maybe even though

I’ve been saved by God

he still thinks I’m not good enough

or I think I’m not good enough

or someone is punishing me for feeling too much

and for being so real

I don’t know

even though

I have faith in God now

and I’ve given myself to him

I still feel like no one can understand me

I still feel like I don’t belong

I still feel like I’m too different to really be like anyone else

maybe I’m stupid

to want what I want

maybe I’m a fool for

wanting angel wings so bad my heart could burst into a thousand pieces

maybe I ask for too much

maybe I expect too much

maybe I admire simple people too much

maybe I’m not even human

I’ve got none of those answers

I haven’t been able to sleep correctly for days

I was attacked last night

by demons..

ya wanna know how that felt?

my entire body was pushed against my bed

eat to the mattress

then I got the largest pain I have ever felt

it was like something was tugging at my heart again

only I could see what it was doing

I couldn’t speak

I just cried and cried

until I felt my eyes close and I saw a white light

when that happens

I do often wish for death

I wish I could stop suffering

from pain that doesn’t even belong to me

from feeling energy in places and people

God, all I’ve ever asked for is for someone to..

someone to..

to just hold me when I cry

when I’m falling apart

and don’t feel at home

that’s all

its not asking for much

and I’ve asked you a billion times

I’ve been asking since

you remember

don’t you remember?

why do I have to feel like this?

when will I be good enough for someone?

Be Real With Me

Maybe
She’s better off
With no one
Since people
Don’t have
The heart
To care
And actually
Be there
Like they say
Someday
Everything
Will be
Okay

The Ring

She wears
Her gold ring
With flowers
All around
She never
Takes it off
Or let’s it fall
To the ground
The feeling of it
Wrapped gently
Around her
Little finger
Brings comfort
That someday
Someone
Will buy
A ring
Of there own
And ask her a question
“Will you
Be my home?”

Sure

They are all
Alone
All the men
She loved before
Someday
They will
Be back
At her
Front door
Begging for
Forgiveness
And
She might
Just say
Sure

Call Me Crazy (Dialog)

“They should have let me die” 

“What on earth are you talking about?” 

“I was born with a hole in my heart they should have let me die” 

“But then you wouldn’t have impacted all of these peoples lives.. honey you would have been another one of those beautiful young kids who grows up on the other side. Look at you, you’re twenty now. You’re a fucking grown woman who knows more about the world then any average adult or older person. I told you when you were a child that you were born an old soul, you know this land and you know the other side of this world where all of the spirits live you’re a god damn child of both worlds” 

“I don’t know many people who can do what I do. I can’t talk to anyone about it, they just call me crazy” 

“But you know you’re not crazy. You know you’re much more intelligent then they are” 

“But if you had just let me die I wouldn’t have to hear what I hear and see what I see. You think it’s easy to hear spirits whisper in your ear? tempt you to come into their world? attack you even? I still have some scratches from them. Not only that I have to deal with other peoples emotions and feelings and energies. When you’re this powerful you need to spend more time to yourself” 

“But that is your gift. You were given this power”

“Then why am I a pathetic human like everyone else but I don’t feel it, I don’t feel human! I rarely feel human.. only one person has ever made me feel human. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. With him I just feel like I’m right where I’m suppose to be.. no one knows I love him but him”

“I’d be surprised if you ever made any sense to anyone” 

“believe me so would I” 

“Do you make sense to him?”

“I have no idea and I’d like it if I stayed not knowing”

“Well I suppose it’s for the best. It’d be a shame if no one understood that heart of yours” 

“Well to be honest, no one ever will. If they do.. great.. lovely.. yaddy yadda but I don’t expect understanding from anyone anymore” 

“Why is that?”

“Why not? it’s logical is it not”

“Yeah, I guess but you do deserve to have someone special” 

“I don’t really see that happening for me”

“Why not?”

“Because, I’m not sure if anyone would want to be with me”

“I bet plenty of guys do” 

“Sure.. maybe” 

“Someday?”

“Yeah, someday” 

 

Stupid Questions….

I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop admiring you the way I do 

or ever stop wanting to be with you 

is that good or bad? 

I mean I see no reason for us not to be together sometime in the future

but should I hope for that?

do you want me to hope for that? or no? 

I accept your friendship really I do

but I’m gonna always want to be more to you 

I don’t know if your ever gonna want that with me 

I hope maybe one day you would

or if your trying to just build a foundation 

I don’t know that 

but I don’t ever want to hear about any of the girls your in love with anymore 

I’m not gonna let you hurt me like that anymore 

I just can’t fucking do it 

no matter how much I want to know about whatever current girl your madly in love with 

who isn’t me 

the jealousy is just too much for me 

I’d give anything to be with someone like you someday 

I mean anything 

I envy any woman that’s been lucky enough to kiss your lips 

and be called your “love” 

I mean have you ever thought about me? 

ever? 

even late at night? 

what do they have that I don’t? 

man I gotta stop asking such stupid questions 

I guess what I mean is 

one day 

I would like to be just a little bit more to you 

maybe if I’m lucky someday you’ll want to be more to me 

too