Untitled Story In The Woods

“Why do you use poetry to speak and words to seduce?” he asked her puzzled by the sad look in her eyes, she wasn’t like the others, she revealed too much from the center of her heart and her universe and sang only when truly happy other then that she kept her mouth shut and he eyes wide open which made him see her differently then just a girl. 

“I speak of the wind and the trees and what is in front of me but my heart is very hard to find” she answered with a sly smile. Her hair was never put up, it lay across her bare chest and body, she never wore clothes and found herself wandering in the woods more then the city. 

“If I ask you what you are will you answer honestly?” he spoke as he began to get closer to her, she wasn’t used to closeness or people.. she spent her time wandering for someone or something that would love her, being born from the earth.. mother nature can’t exactly give hugs or kisses, you don’t believe in a god or talk of t.v shows and music, negativity makes your body sick even though your heart carry’s sadness. 

She nodded her head as if to tell him but not really. Then she took a deep breath and made some odd gestures with her hands, the sky above turned purple and the clouds went grey, it began to rain. Her long hair became darker, tears ran down her cheeks, ocean tears.. then she spoke in a sing-song voice..

“I am the water, the air and the trees, I am not the earth and I am not fully human, I was born with two hearts and not one, I feel everything and see what cannot be seen, my body is made of the ocean and only as beautiful as others see it. My brain is from a different time and my eyes create life in front of me. I am spirit and I am soul, I speak the truth in everything, I heal humans and I break them, my voice can be heard from miles away” 

As she said this, the rain began to stop and nothing but droplets were left on her pale skin, flowers grew around her and butterflies surrounded them. It was like a dream he had wandered into. 

She wasn’t finished yet. 

“I am the granddaughter of the moon and the sun, humans cannot understand me my voice is too ancient or them to hear. I am the only daughter of Mother Nature, born of fire and water, love and fear, you name it and that is what I am, I am the child of the light. Darkness is my enemy, the demons scare me..that is all I can tell you” 

He didn’t know what to say. He felt as if he was talking to an angel or a goddess and she seemed to reveal that much. He felt a fool for asking when for some reason deep inside he had already known.. 

“You try to hard you know..”

“Why do say that?” she asked. 

“you shouldn’t have to worry about those other humans.. I think your too good for them”

“Then why are you here?” she asked him as she put one hand into the freshwater lake. 

He couldn’t figure out how to answer that. Where to start? how to say it? he scratched his head pretty hard on this one. He couldn’t say “I don’t know” that would ust make him sound like he didn’t care about her.. that’s it..

“I’m here because I care about you and I’ve been searching just as you have for someone to stay and understand” he said honestly. 

“Your not going to stay though..” she bit her bottom lip, “Your going to end up leaving like everyone else has or falling for a pixie..” 

He felt like laughing.. “A pixie? Nahhh, a pixie isn’t as cool as you, daughter of Mother Nature” 

She found herself blushing “She’s my father too” she responded. 

They laughed until they cried. They cried until they kissed and then they drifted off to sleep. 

Emptiness Within The Angel

I just experienced one of the saddest things
It breaks your heart
Although I pretty much just got my heart broken
and then I had to run to the bathroom
well low and behold
a late period had happened before this and then I had a miscarriage
I had a child growing inside me and then it died
4 weeks
It took 4 weeks for me to become stressed
I know I wasn’t ready to have a kid now
but I lost him or her
I look down and see hardly a body but the cord is their and everything
It’s a fucking baby
Or at least it could have been
It’s one of the emptiest feelings I have ever felt
Walking back to my room
feeling naked underneath
my Ganesh tshirt
like some part of me is gone
the pain is gone
my baby is gone
I was pregnant
It just makes today even worse
I could have been a good mother
I love children
I can’t stop crying
I don’t want to stop crying
It had a face
a very small face but a face
none the less
It looked like it was going to have my lips
and his nose
and my grandfathers heart shaped face
I couldn’t look at it for too long
I knew what it was
I knew that dark blood and bright red blood was too much
I knew that my period should have ended by now
I have lost so much today
all on a holiday
My eyes won’t close
I won’t let them
I can cry all I want now
No baby
No boyfriend
No friend
It all just hurts
I want to be happy
I can be a very happy person
I hide so much from people
though
but this will be my own secret
my burden to bear
Ill have no choice but to hold onto it
I want things to change
be nicer
I hope my baby is okay
because he/she should know that
mama loves you, no matter what size you are, you’ll grow up in the clouds, great grandpa will take care of you
I’m sorry I can’t see you grow up
Everything was just bad timing I guess
but your beautiful baby
Just know that
You’ll have your mommys way with color and your daddy’s gift for song
I’m so sorry
I’m so fucking sorry
I never wanted you to die inside me like that
I would have kept you
So close to me
I knew you were there
Please remember me
I’m going to bury you tomorrow okay?
Ill find a nice spot by the river or in the garden
I’m sorry I can’t love you or your daddy like I want to
This is just so much
my body is shaking
my eyes won’t stop the tears
I’m trying my best not to have anyone hear me
I wish you the best where you are
Maybe ill see your spirit
once and a while
You were a girl weren’t you?
I knew you must be
Ill call you April
Since that is the month of your departure and when you passed
I have no one to hold me right now baby
but my body is empty without you
Ill see you maybe
I hope I do
Grow up to be a smart girl okay?
Can you do that for mama?
I love you
I love you very much sweetie
You learn to play lots of instruments okay?
Ill talk to you whenever I can
No more Alice okay
I promise
You be a good strong girl okay
Mommy loves you