Tag Archives: go

No More Lies

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Don’t be hurt
Don’t be shy
Silence hurts
More then
A broken heart
From a stupid guy
The past is gone
He’s either
Inside you
Or out
Fuck feeling
Like it won’t
Work
Don’t shout
Let it roll
Let it be created
In it’s own time
You are given
This opportunity
To shine
If he leaves you again
Your not allowed to let him in
There is only one
Do over
Let it grow

The Understanding of Her Big Heart

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“Why do you think such terrible things about yourself?” he asked her “I mean look at you, your beautiful and you’ve got such a big heart, with a heart like that anyone would be stupid not to love you” 

“Sometimes people can’t see the heart and the love I’ve got inside.. they end up caring more about themselves then me or just my pretty face” 

“Well fuck them, your so lucky to have a big heart, to know that you just happen to give more love then anyone else possibly could, I mean what a gift! It’s your heart that makes you as beautiful as you are, those people that have left you, that have been fucking stupid enough to break it before or over and over, they can’t see the purity of your soul and how you love everyone no matter what the situation or how cruel they can possibly be to you” 

“Shut up! you know nothing about me.. people can leave when they want, they can break my heart when they want, it doesn’t matter, they can do what they want but I never just go or just stop caring speaking of, why do you bother to care for me huh? what is so special about staying with a crazy bitch like me?” 

“I have no reason not to care for you. What is so special about staying with you? do you really think you have to ask me that? your not a crazy bitch, whoever was dumb enough to call you that needs to be kicked in the balls hard and I’ll be happy to do that!” 

She felt like she was in a state between complete joy and slight anger, wanting to laugh and  to just aggressively not hear what he was saying no matter how true it may be, tears came from her eyes, so much emotion in such a small woman and even more passion running through her veins. 

He wouldn’t stop saying beautiful things about her. No one had even done a thing like that, it had always been just the opposite, telling her whats wrong with her and shit like that. 

So naturally her response was-

“Don’t you dare! don’t you ever fucking say such nice things to me or I will believe them, I’ll fucking believe you and then you know what’s going to happen? I’m going to fall in love with you and I can’t fall in love, I just can’t! I’m done falling in love” 

“You listen to me” he said harshly looking deeply into her eyes “I’m staying wither you like it or not and I’m giving you beautiful words that make you happy and I’m going to make you happy no matter how long it takes I’m gonna be the one to put a smile on that sensational face of yours. We are going to be two happy people in love and I’m going to take you anywhere you want to go and give whatever you need, you hear me!” 

She tried running away, turning her body so that he wouldn’t be able to hug her, if he put his arms around her, she knew she was going to break down. 

It was already too late, he held her close and she believed every word he said. 

 

 

 

TAKE WHAT YOU NEED ALWAYS

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You know 

I guess you could say I’m a selfish giver 

I’ll give you love even if your a flawed asshole 

I’ll treat you with kindness even if you throw the word “bitch” in my face 

I’ll respect you no matter what and put you first 

that is what makes me selfish 

I give people what they need 

and I don’t expect a damn thing back

 Like everyone 

I have found myself wandering 

I’ve made more then enough mistakes 

and I’ll most likely make more 

but this is just me 

I have a lot of love and respect for myself 

but I care more about other people 

I’ve had time and time again 

to be in love with me first 

and yeah, I still am 

I have my up days 

and my down days 

I have days where I laugh so much I cry 

I have days when sometimes the only thing I feel like I should be doing is running 

and I have had thousands of days where all I think to myself is 

“why the hell am I the only me on this planet?” 

“Where is that one person who is gonna be kick-ass enough to help me out so that I don’t feel like I’m not human?”

“Why am I alone?” 

“Why do I make people leave?”

“Why do I cry tears from the ocean and not human tears?”

“Why do I feel crazy whenever I’m enraged?”

“Mother Nature, Why did you make me this way?”

the last one

is the one that I’ve asked the most 

You know 

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get what I want 

I’m not sure if anyone is brave enough to give it to me 

or maybe even has a heart big enough to just accept me 

and try to understand what its like to be someone like me 

and all my uniqueness 

maybe I’m just not meant to have it 

maybe “alone” 

is where I’m suppose to belong?

I don’t know 

hell if my dog was still alive she would help me out 

she and I had a deep connection 

both beaten somehow and escaped

she was my best friend

and she knew it too.

she stayed too she never left

even on her death bed she wouldn’t let go of me

even after I told her

“You can go Bella, sweetie, you can go be free of your pain”

I’m not going to lie

in fact I never do

but

I’ve often when in great pain

have wished for death

and all the time

I get a

“Zoe, it’s not your time to leave this earth”

As a kid

I had a bunch of tests done on me

IQ tests

ADHD tests

I was looked at for having depression

all these stupid things that I don’t have

and I don’t talk about this much

but I was born with a hole in my heart

surgery done when I was two

could that be the reason I am so completely not average?

No.

I was just born this way

I was born to see and hear things average humans do not

I was born to feel more then the average human

you know what finally happened to me today

after 10 years of no acceptance, love shown or support from my father?

I have his acceptance, he is proud of me 

and he hugged me today for the longest time 

my Daddy hugged me 

I’m still not ready 

to trust him entirely 

but I’m going to have to do that 

I don’t need any man to make me happy 

even though falling in love would be glorious 

and knowing how much I’m cared for 

and getting those compliments 

and going on adventures 

and sharing dozen’s of kisses 

that would be great 

and I am ready for it now 

completely ready 

but I miss my best friend 

and I don’t know how long its going to take me to get over her passing 

maybe a few weeks?

yeah, that sounds about right 

and my heart is healing 

at just the right pace. 

Today even though the weather was crappy 

and I had my glasses on and I had been feeling not-so-good

all day 

I still feel pretty and beautiful 

I’ve felt that way before many many times 

but not like this 

for the first time in a long time 

I recognized that fucking sexy face of mine 

and after that 

I know now that I always will 

no matter what mood I’m in 

and I don’t need makeup 

I don’t need much 

I don’t even wear 

eyeliner anymore 

just lipstick and I’m done 

I think every woman should feel like that 

I have lost a lot 

this past year 

and I’m sure a lot of you have too

but I want you to know something 

never give up on your dreams and your talents 

no matter how cheesy that sounds 

you can do anything 

I promise you 

if you can’t do it the first time 

try try again 

that’s what Taylor Swift is doing 

and I don’t regret saying that I’ve been doing the same 

“he’s the one” 

“no, he’s the one”

Honestly I think whoever he is 

he wont know it 

and I wont know it 

he wont be who I expect and I wont be who he expects 

but something about me 

is going to make him realize that 

maybe he doesn’t need anyone else 

because loosing me would break more then his heart 

it would break his soul 

there is no “one” 

or a “prince charming”

that person that stays with you 

chooses that path 

and it’s your choice wither 

you end up taking a chance on them. 

I do wish that I knew that two people could be happy forever 

but forever isn’t the right word for anything 

forever fucks things up 

“Always” 

now that’s a word that means more 

but putting them together never works 

so I choose “Always” 

by itself 

You wanna stay then I hope that you stay always 

forgive my nerdness 

but if your a Harry Potter Fan 

and you’ve read the books 

watched all the movies 

you will understand the symbolism behind 

“always” 

that book may not be reality to some people 

and it may be reality to others 

but it still has meaning 

it shows how 

love 

always stays 

and fools always go 

 

 

Untitled Story In The Woods

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“Why do you use poetry to speak and words to seduce?” he asked her puzzled by the sad look in her eyes, she wasn’t like the others, she revealed too much from the center of her heart and her universe and sang only when truly happy other then that she kept her mouth shut and he eyes wide open which made him see her differently then just a girl. 

“I speak of the wind and the trees and what is in front of me but my heart is very hard to find” she answered with a sly smile. Her hair was never put up, it lay across her bare chest and body, she never wore clothes and found herself wandering in the woods more then the city. 

“If I ask you what you are will you answer honestly?” he spoke as he began to get closer to her, she wasn’t used to closeness or people.. she spent her time wandering for someone or something that would love her, being born from the earth.. mother nature can’t exactly give hugs or kisses, you don’t believe in a god or talk of t.v shows and music, negativity makes your body sick even though your heart carry’s sadness. 

She nodded her head as if to tell him but not really. Then she took a deep breath and made some odd gestures with her hands, the sky above turned purple and the clouds went grey, it began to rain. Her long hair became darker, tears ran down her cheeks, ocean tears.. then she spoke in a sing-song voice..

“I am the water, the air and the trees, I am not the earth and I am not fully human, I was born with two hearts and not one, I feel everything and see what cannot be seen, my body is made of the ocean and only as beautiful as others see it. My brain is from a different time and my eyes create life in front of me. I am spirit and I am soul, I speak the truth in everything, I heal humans and I break them, my voice can be heard from miles away” 

As she said this, the rain began to stop and nothing but droplets were left on her pale skin, flowers grew around her and butterflies surrounded them. It was like a dream he had wandered into. 

She wasn’t finished yet. 

“I am the granddaughter of the moon and the sun, humans cannot understand me my voice is too ancient or them to hear. I am the only daughter of Mother Nature, born of fire and water, love and fear, you name it and that is what I am, I am the child of the light. Darkness is my enemy, the demons scare me..that is all I can tell you” 

He didn’t know what to say. He felt as if he was talking to an angel or a goddess and she seemed to reveal that much. He felt a fool for asking when for some reason deep inside he had already known.. 

“You try to hard you know..”

“Why do say that?” she asked. 

“you shouldn’t have to worry about those other humans.. I think your too good for them”

“Then why are you here?” she asked him as she put one hand into the freshwater lake. 

He couldn’t figure out how to answer that. Where to start? how to say it? he scratched his head pretty hard on this one. He couldn’t say “I don’t know” that would ust make him sound like he didn’t care about her.. that’s it..

“I’m here because I care about you and I’ve been searching just as you have for someone to stay and understand” he said honestly. 

“Your not going to stay though..” she bit her bottom lip, “Your going to end up leaving like everyone else has or falling for a pixie..” 

He felt like laughing.. “A pixie? Nahhh, a pixie isn’t as cool as you, daughter of Mother Nature” 

She found herself blushing “She’s my father too” she responded. 

They laughed until they cried. They cried until they kissed and then they drifted off to sleep.