Untitled Poem/Personal Rant

Nice guys 

don’t come 

easy these days 

so if you’ve got 

one of your own

hold him closer

then you’ve ever known

or a bitch could 

take him away

kindness

charm 

something 

a girl like me 

has never had 

wrapped 

around her arm

sure 

I probably 

don’t need it 

but it’s hard to 

defeat 

a wanting 

in ones heart

just to be kissed 

by a man 

with a good heart

who isn’t afraid 

to hold me close

when my eyes are full of 

the water 

from the tide 

I don’t need a prince 

I promise you

they do not exist 

it’s all about 

the soul 

and how long 

he can hold on

to me 

even if I push 

em just a little bit 

when is my chance huh?

what more must I go through? 

How many more times 

must you see me break?

I swear to god 

I will start a damn earth quake

you’ve already let me

gain a small control

over the wind

I can move leaves around 

with the palm of my hand

Why must you torture me

with humanly wants and desires?

Do you see anyone who is going to stay here

for me like they’ve promised?

You throw hope in my heart

and sadness in my face

I dare not take it much longer

I beg you to fix things

for this handsome man

he has a good heart

he deserves much better

then what you throw at him

fucking up his car like that

 

I haven’t seen him since I was a child

do you not understand how much this meeting means to me?

he actually wants to be in my life 

and you go and fuck it up

I have no idea

what he thinks of me

\though I can probably

sense it by the look in his eyes

Please mother nature

do this for me

I know I often ask for too much

and I probably depend on you

and the goddess much more then I should

but I am your flesh and blood

you have given me gifts

that are not human

it is your doing

for creating me to be different

now I cannot make any promises

not to ask for things from time and again

but I’d like for this hang out to happen

I’d like to have some fun

and learn somethings about someone

maybe gain a kiss or two

or make out

it depends how it goes

but your the only one

who really knows  

Mother Nature Stop Being a Jerk

is having a good time 

really too much to ask for mother nature huh?

do you insist on messing up a wonderful day with an extremely attractive guy?

I have all these fucking questions in my head now 

because of you 

will I ever see him again?

I don’t know 

do I sound like a complete nut case to him?

I don’t know 

did he think I was sexy?

I don’t know 

did I make it awkward?

hopefully not 

it didn’t feel awkward 

I would like to get tipsy 

and have a fucking good time 

please let that happen

if he’s not into me 

fine 

just as long as I know 

before hand 

I was so fucking excited for this 

I put lipgloss on 

and everything 

I shaved 

everything 

it better damn well happen 

next week

I don’t like disappointment

especially in the woman

who fucking controls the weather

you make this happen

this is the second time

my plans had to be twisted around

and changed

I have every right to be pissed at you

 

I’d really like to hang out with this guy

you gotta understand that  

 

 

The Story of The Goddess

“My deary-oh’s, my darlings, have I ever told you the story of the goddess?” said Aunt Starlight cheerfully with a smile on her face of wrinkles. 

“No you haven’t” my cousins and I replied together as we sat across from her in her rocker. 

“Well.. how about I tell it now!” she spoke with such excitement her rocking chair almost fell too far behind her bum. 

We all cheered as she began to tell her story 

“The goddess my children was born a human, just like you and I my dears, she had hair that was sort of like the bark of a tree but once it hit the light it shone of a beautiful red. Her skin was far paler then an usual human, you could see her veins through her wrists quite often, her ears were small, her nose pointed downwards, her lips the color of a beautiful pink rose, like the kind that grow out in my garden in the spring time” Aunt Starlight went on 

“What about her voice?” asked my ginger haired cousin Harry 

“Yes, and what of her eyes Aunt Starlight?” asked my younger cousin Emily 

“Harry my dear her voice was far enchanting then anything you could ever hear in your life, the melody of it when she sang was enough to make a blind man fall in love with her or maybe even an entire town. Her eye’s, Emily, to be quite honest I couldn’t say, they changed so much with her but I believe they chose to stay green, not just any green, I mind you but the green of the leaves as the sun goes down

Now when she was born, her mother was very thrilled but her father, he knew she was going to be different from the start, so naturally in his heart he could not accept her. 

At the age of two the goddess went through a very traumatic event, her heart my lovely’s, had a hole deep within it and she could have very well been dead within a few years had she not gotten it fixed. 

By the age of five the goddesses powers or gifts whichever you choose began to show themselves. She could see and hear spirits, often feeling trapped between worlds. She could feel emotions and energy of those around her, which made her even more sensitive to negativity then anything else. She could speak with animals, not like they do in the movies you kids see today but she could sense and feel and understand how they speak no matter what species. In the night she would have dreams of the people around her and their futures. 

Before you knew it by the age of twenty she was a warrior, she could battle evil spirits, converse with demons, the woman had power beyond any mortal, yet she still struggled to stay sane. To her it seemed as if no man would ever be brave enough or strong enough to hold her when she needed it most. 

Her emotions would be high when she was happy but extremely low when sadness would take her. She tried to kill herself more then once because of the temptation the spirits around her would give. She would soon be able to predict deaths from a celebrity’s to her very own great grandmother” 

“Did humans in the villages nearby like her Aunty?” little Emily asked with astonishment on her face. 

“Oh, well, honey, you see, the people in the village found her to be quite strange or odd, she had very few real friends who loved her, other people would be frazzled or even scared of her” 

“But why? that’s not fair” little Emily cried, she gazed up at Aunt Starlight, then stopped crying when a small smile appeared on the old lady’s face. 

“No, your right it isn’t fair. Well my dear there are some people who find themselves to be afraid of true beauty in this world especially of those who have a pure heart on the inside and a face of happiness and beauty on the outside. Some people may not understand you or I, some people may understand her. So naturally they find the only thing they can do is to criticize the young woman, make her feel less of who she is, no matter what part of her that they talk shit of ,excuse me. 

She always loved more then any other human, that is why her birth parents were shocked when they saw both of her hearts when she got her surgery done but they could not remove them so instead they kept one in her chest and put the other on her sleeve. 

The goddess would always find herself by a body of water when she could or even a place with wide open sky in the night time. A few days after her twenty first birthday she found herself by an ocean filled with sea glass. She never wore any clothes so would often find herself bathing in natures water.

This my loves is the day that she met her mother, Mother Nature, the creator of her and the birther of her abilities.  The goddess was just singing a merry tune in the moonlight when a woman appeared out of the water..”

“It’s Mother Nature! The Lady of The Lake!” we all sqeeled with excitement. 

“Hush now! hush!” she stammered, “I’m telling the story here” 

“‘Who are you?” asked the goddess, her brown hair flowing ever so gently in the water, shimmering greatly in the moonlight. 

“I am Mother Nature” spoke the woman,

She wore a flower headdress, with the rarest kind of flower topped on either side, in her hair even, her skin was the color of moss only it sparkled greatly as if metallic, her eyes looked just like the earth through a telescope,  you could see the entire world, instead of pubic hair on her lady parts there was a single sun flower, her breasts were large and bare, quite the opposite of our goddesses. 

“I know who you are” replied the goddess with a childish attitude, “You are the only one who has been here for me when I needed someone most” 

“I am” replied Mother Nature, her voice becoming a low echo of the sweetest kind 

“Why show yourself to me now?” the goddess asked, standing up in the water, as a small wave brushed against the nipples of her breasts. 

“You are my daughter, made of flesh and blood, I created you to be far more powerful then the rest, you are special my daughter” 

“Then why must I be tortured so? why have you made me this strong so as no one is strong enough to love me as I can love them? my earth father thinks I’m but a curse to his normal life with my gifts you have given me, my creative abilities too are put down just as much, the villagers laugh at me, why must you wait till now to tell me I am not human?” emotion sprang up in the goddesses voice of melody, you could hear the pain quite obviously in her questions. 

“You are not ready to live with the other gods and goddesses, I made you to help others, I made you to be far different then anyone else” 

“But what of love mothers? what of that? that is the only dream which I desire!” the goddess raised her voice in anger, practically shouting at her own mother. 

“I knew you were too much like your sister, I knew it” Mother Nature said with disappointment

“My sister?” the goddess asked in shock

“Yes, the littlest mermaid, she died for the sake of love and you my dear may be better off just as she if you choose your fate like her” 

“I make my own destiny” spoke the goddess with confidence. 

“You break your own heart” sneered Mother Nature 

“Give me my wings mother, I am tired of the human world”  the goddess demanded 

And with that, the goddess never saw her mother again, but instead, heard her in her every day thoughts, she lived on, yes she did but her story will never be finished but I will let you decide how it ended” 

“That’s it? it’s over?” one of my cousins asked 

“Nooooo, tell another one please!” we shouted in unison 

“I’m sorry children but it looks like its past your bed time, you best get up to bed” Aunt Starlight said in a lullabyish way, making the majority of us tired, so like any kid, we all went to sleep. 

Dream well all, have one hell of a night. 

 

The Ache of The Goddess

“How could you do such a thing? to her of all people? do you have any idea how that made her feel?” 

“I don’t care” 

“That’s just it Tyler, you don’t care, you never did. You’ve broken that girls heart so many fucking times, when are you going to just grow up huh? she tried harder for you then anybody else do you understand!” Mother Nature lectured, glaring at Tyler as if he had done something terribly wrong and believe me he had done far worse. 

He had broken the goddesses most prize possession, her heart, that had raised the depths of hell all over again and this wasn’t the first time he had been so naive. He would come back little by little and take a piece of her heart again.. Mother Nature did not like this. 

Whenever the goddess cried, storms would erupt from even the smallest parts of the world, oceans would crash, cities would burn, people would scream and shout. Chaos seemed to take over so quickly in the ease of her depression and sadness. 

The thing about the goddess was that being the great warrior she is, she would often let herself suffer in silence, the ease of the rain, never letting anyone see her at her weakest. 

Only the strongest of men could ever see such a woman cry. Thought her pan could not be eased easily, only the bravest would succeed. 

“Alright, I admit it, I’m a coward, I don’t deserve her!” 

“Damn right” yelled Mother Nature 

and with the grace in her step she carefully walked back to where she belonged and let Karma do it’s bidding. 

 

Our Eyes

Eyes 

that bore into my soul

like I’m the only girl

those are what get me 

Eyes 

that bare no lies 

but the brightness 

in his heart 

that cannot tare us apart 

Eyes 

when the color of the sky 

or the grass nearby 

draw me to

their side 

when they pass on by

Eyes 

underneath glasses 

or with nothing 

covering the

glimmer 

cast by the sun 

that is never done 

Eyes 

when you look at me 

I often feel the need to sing 

but only to you guys 

Eyes 

that wont give up on me 

that have very well 

seen me cry 

but reuse to look away 

knowing 

I’m shy 

Eyes 

that I cannot say

“I love you”

no matter how much they want to

Eyes

that represent me and you

so I’m not sure of who to chose 

since I can’t have two of you

but one just doesn’t seem to leave 

and I can’t shake him off 

since he wont leave 

or deceive me 

so I will be seeing him again

soon

and his eyes will look at me 

just like before 

Please 

Mother Nature 

don’t 

let him 

walk out the door 

Pull Yourself Together

Of all the people on this planet
You make me love him

My best fucking friend who will probably never love me back

He is thousands of miles away and you constantly make me think of him when a song on the radio reminds me of him!

Him! Him! Him! Fucking him!
I cannot tell him that I still love him but I’m not in love with him or lust for him I just fucking love him for everything that he fucking is.

He most likely doesn’t think of me like I think of him, he doesn’t accept everything about me and he probably doesn’t plan on ever seeing me again. I could wreck our best friendship if I told him how I still felt about him and it is fucking tugging on my heart because I cannot tell.

I’m fucking devoted to this guy who will most likely find someone before I do. What does he think of me huh? Am I just that “pretty faced” best friend he almost fucked? Am I his best friend too?

Clearly he thinks well of me since I have been lucky enough to get such sweet compliments from him and have put up with just as much shit from him as he has from me.

I’ve tried this all before, I’ve personally lied to myself saying I have feelings for someone else when it’s obvious I still love someone. Do you think he knows? He did tell me “you should absolutely not be looking for guys” I’m starting to think he’s right.

I could be dating right now, I mean it’ll get my mind off the fact that I love him.. But ugh I just don’t know so many crazy things have been happening lately.

Things I didn’t expect. I won’t hope for anything to happen ill just let things happen.

I mean my love for him has faded a bit, it’s not insanely passionate like before it’s just passion, ya know? God damn.. I really do miss him. I hope he knows that.

Untitled Story In The Woods

“Why do you use poetry to speak and words to seduce?” he asked her puzzled by the sad look in her eyes, she wasn’t like the others, she revealed too much from the center of her heart and her universe and sang only when truly happy other then that she kept her mouth shut and he eyes wide open which made him see her differently then just a girl. 

“I speak of the wind and the trees and what is in front of me but my heart is very hard to find” she answered with a sly smile. Her hair was never put up, it lay across her bare chest and body, she never wore clothes and found herself wandering in the woods more then the city. 

“If I ask you what you are will you answer honestly?” he spoke as he began to get closer to her, she wasn’t used to closeness or people.. she spent her time wandering for someone or something that would love her, being born from the earth.. mother nature can’t exactly give hugs or kisses, you don’t believe in a god or talk of t.v shows and music, negativity makes your body sick even though your heart carry’s sadness. 

She nodded her head as if to tell him but not really. Then she took a deep breath and made some odd gestures with her hands, the sky above turned purple and the clouds went grey, it began to rain. Her long hair became darker, tears ran down her cheeks, ocean tears.. then she spoke in a sing-song voice..

“I am the water, the air and the trees, I am not the earth and I am not fully human, I was born with two hearts and not one, I feel everything and see what cannot be seen, my body is made of the ocean and only as beautiful as others see it. My brain is from a different time and my eyes create life in front of me. I am spirit and I am soul, I speak the truth in everything, I heal humans and I break them, my voice can be heard from miles away” 

As she said this, the rain began to stop and nothing but droplets were left on her pale skin, flowers grew around her and butterflies surrounded them. It was like a dream he had wandered into. 

She wasn’t finished yet. 

“I am the granddaughter of the moon and the sun, humans cannot understand me my voice is too ancient or them to hear. I am the only daughter of Mother Nature, born of fire and water, love and fear, you name it and that is what I am, I am the child of the light. Darkness is my enemy, the demons scare me..that is all I can tell you” 

He didn’t know what to say. He felt as if he was talking to an angel or a goddess and she seemed to reveal that much. He felt a fool for asking when for some reason deep inside he had already known.. 

“You try to hard you know..”

“Why do say that?” she asked. 

“you shouldn’t have to worry about those other humans.. I think your too good for them”

“Then why are you here?” she asked him as she put one hand into the freshwater lake. 

He couldn’t figure out how to answer that. Where to start? how to say it? he scratched his head pretty hard on this one. He couldn’t say “I don’t know” that would ust make him sound like he didn’t care about her.. that’s it..

“I’m here because I care about you and I’ve been searching just as you have for someone to stay and understand” he said honestly. 

“Your not going to stay though..” she bit her bottom lip, “Your going to end up leaving like everyone else has or falling for a pixie..” 

He felt like laughing.. “A pixie? Nahhh, a pixie isn’t as cool as you, daughter of Mother Nature” 

She found herself blushing “She’s my father too” she responded. 

They laughed until they cried. They cried until they kissed and then they drifted off to sleep. 

The Rebirth of The Lion & The Scorpion

“So you regret it yet?”

“Regret what?”

“Loosing one of the greatest things that ever happened to you”

“She isn’t a thing, she’s a human being, I used to think she was so perfect”

“Dude, you don’t have to think someone is perfect to make a relationship work and to care for someone”

“Yeah, I realize that now, I miss her a lot now though, I’ve never really felt such a strong pull before”

“Well then what are you doing just sitting on your ass when she is obviously giving you hints that she is different now? Go fucking get her, all she wants is to love you, why be afraid of love? Stop lying to her and yourself and go get her”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m not sure if I can trust her, it took so long for her to just open up. I could be afraid of love, the last time I felt that I got rejected, plus love is such a big emotion, if I let her into my heart I won’t be able to let go. I want to get her, I want to, I just don’t know how”

“How about you take it slow? She needs you to be there for her, you weren’t there before and that hurt her and countless rejection hurts her even more. If you ask me you should go and get her before some other guy shows up and makes her his”

“But the connection feels weak for me, how can she feel so much more then I do?”

“She’s a fallen angel, she has abilities that other humans find strange, I made her that way so that she could feel more and love more then any average girl. You need to accept her for everything that she is, then you need to go apologize and kiss her, kiss her like you mean it”

“Yeah I know. She told me she was weird. I had no idea she felt like that though it could do that. But what if she doesn’t want to see me Mother Nature?”

“You really think she doesn’t want to see you? Don’t loose her this time, I repeat do not, any guy would give anything to find a girl as unique and crazy as her. A girl that is gonna go far, so I wouldn’t miss out on any of that if you really care for her”

“She said I made her heart nervous and excited.. I guess that means she does. Damn I’ve been an asshole, I hardly even acted like a boyfriend. Fuck. I hope she will forgive me. I don’t wanna miss out on her life any longer, I’ve already missed her photoshoots and she will be driving soon..fuck”

“She already has forgiven you but she is very much done waiting, you made her wait so much, don’t make that mistake again. You need to work to keep her and appreciate her. You need to keep your promise and stay, she needs you right now more then ever”

“I will, I will, I promise. Why does she need me more then ever?”

“Your never going to get a connection like this again boy, if you feel it’s weak you work to make it stronger. She feels it’s strength, don’t give up so easily. She needs you more then ever because her dog has kidney failure and since you’ve left the shadows have appeared again. Shadows don’t like fallen angels, they enjoy making them cry, she’s fought very hard against them but you bring out the best in her and you know she brings out the best in you”

“I have already agreed that I will. I don’t want her to be hurt or in pain anymore. She’s in danger? What else do the shadows do?”

“They bring negative thoughts to her psyche and sometimes they play with her head. You scared away most of the shadows but since you left there has been a very big one stalking her, the same one that viciously attacked her that night when you talked in the past”

“The one that left scratches on her ankles? The one that made her cry right? FUCK! No spirit is going to hurt my girl! No way in hell! How can I help?”

“Yes, that one. Good to know. Well the only way is to.. Do what I have said. Your souls compliment each other, your a sort of healer for her and she sees and feels spirits, you wash away all of the past and bring her into the present, she has needed that for a very long time. You both gain power together you see? Stop treating her like she is alone or she will believe it, bring that smile back that she loves or it may be too late”

“Yeah, I think I understand now. She will be mine and I hers. It’s better for both of us”

“Good, ill be sure to bring you both joy, appreciate her and you will be rewarded”

“Thanks, I’m glad I listened to you and the rain. The rebirth of her and my own relationship, the past behind us and the present at our feet”

“Your welcome and lovely to hear, good luck”

Nobody Loves Me The Way That You Used To

So last night 

after I was in

the “zone” for art 

I had this dream that 

two guys were fighting over me 

it felt pretty damn real 

one was like 

“I love her more!” 

“No I love her more!” 

“I was her boyfriend!” 

“I almost had a baby with her!”

“She the one for me!”

“No she’s the one for me!” 

“I can play guitar! and write her music!” 

“I know her better spiritually! and I wanted to marry her before you did!”

“Well I was her best friend first!” 

“She dressed up for me!” 

“I drove 50 minutes and 40 minutes just to see her!”

“I biked to see her!” 

“She showed me her art!” 

“She made me art!” 

it just went on and on 

till I just couldn’t take it 

and I yelled 

“HEY!!”

Then they looked at me 

and got along..

it was weird

then one of them

purposed to me…

to tell you the truth

change sometimes isn’t my friend

especially if it’s loosing someone

or having them walk on me

 

It can be hard to adapt

but I guess I’ve gotten the hang of it

at least now

I’ve learned to deal a bit better with my emotions

I do wish I could just be friends with him

but I know that right now

that probably isn’t a good idea

being a kid in love

isn’t always the best thing

but in the future when both those kids grow up

it can bloom into a beautiful thing

being in love

is so dangerous for humans

it can evolve

 jealousy

 

selfishness

vanity

and other things

that just do not

help us

at all

and are toxic

but even so

I love being in love

love it..

you know

I think I do still love him

that stupid ex boyfriend

could be why things didn’t really work out

with that best friend of mine

could be why I was so hostile at the end of both relationships 

I guess

I’m just as stupid as anyone

who falls in love

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!

WHY?

I’m not entirely sure if this is a good thing..

I had my time to grieve

I’m done with that  

why am I still in love with him?

could he still be in love with me?

wait wait wait 

Mother Nature

why did you do this?

I hurt a perfectly nice guy 

and he hurt me 

just so that I could realize..

I am still in love with my ex boyfriend..

I lost a baby over this 

so that I could realize who I love?

but what if he doesn’t love me anymore?

did he lie to me?

is it his love that I feel?

come on you’ve gotta help me out here

this is crazy 

I mean I talked so much shit about my ex for telling me to “Fuck off!” 

and saying he doesn’t love me.. 

then again he said he was a pretty damn good lier..

I don’t get it.

I’m sure someday I will

he’s changed though

and so have I 

so why bring us together again?

I’m not going to make the first move 

he can do it 

and 

I’ll just go with the flow this time 

yeah 

Image

 

 

Lost Insanity

Her eyes made of crystal
cry cry cry
Such a fragile body
with a heart of more then gold
broken
Her body can no longer stand
It’s mold
Being human
Is so hard for her
when there is no one to hold
so much time wasted
hopes dashed
Who could love someone
that’s crashed completely
lost insanity
Used and abused
repeatedly
by those who say they care
She believes in no god
but of Mother Nature
so much time spent
robbed by a virgin
with love in his eyes and kindness
In his heart
Only to reveal
a coward made of steal
Instead of silver
with a heart of black
hidden in the jailed body
of a stupid young boy
will he come back?
No one can tell
Egos tend to make the brain stupid
People change
no you dumbass they grow
we grew apart
and you grew naive
You don’t believe
in positivity
Or the possibility
of someone
loving you
like crazy
Angels do exist on earth
I believe
one of them
happens to be
me
So had you treated her with kindness
the angel
inside the body of
a beautiful woman
you would have gotten that too
Kindness
Someone new
will find me
he will have that
curly hair
and blue eyes
things you don’t have
his musical talents will be greater then yours
and he will even love the outdoors
more then you
He will keep his promises
and never tell lies
His poetry will always be about me
he will forever stay
and hold me when I cry
kissing away my tears
in a gentler way
then you did
and he will love me
he will love me like no one has ever loved anyone before
if at one point
you feel you might deserve me
and you try to come back
you better be different
you better show you care
you better work your ass of for this girl
You will
try
to come back
I know it