Tag Archives: fuck

A Strongly Worded Letter to Valentines Day

Posted on by

0

Dear Valentines Day, 

You are a completely overrated “Holiday” 

I could care less that you happen to have “history” behind all the card giving and chocolate consuming. 

I have been single for three god damn years and you expect me to “celebrate” you when I have no significant other? 

I know you probably don’t realize this but you make people who are alone even more lonely, it doesn’t matter if we are loved and have tons of friends, you make us feel like shit. 

I don’t like you. I don’t like you at all. I have such a BIG ASS problem with you. 

Do you know why this is? huh? 

Well lets see, I’ve never had a date on this day.

I have had a “visit” on this day,

Where years ago when I was incredibly stupid and in love with this guy who didn’t give a flying fuck about me, this is the same fucking asshole who beat me up and took my virginity and broke my cute little teenage heart! Do you know what he gave me and what I gave him? yes, we exchanged gifts big fucking surprise.. 

I gave him cupcakes that I made and the idiot gave me a necklace he stole while he was in mexico with his family off a street vendor. It was purple cut glass and in the shape of a heart, I threw that thing into the river a year later. 

You know what he said to me? he said that in his culture that necklace was going to give me protection away from negative things.. but he lied. He fucking lied to me. Even if I wore that piece of junk around him he still would have hurt me physically. 

You can tell me a million times to get over this shit but to be quite honest, You bring this back, this stupid memory that I blocked out for who knows how long and now that it’s that time of year again where all the people who are madly in love fuck until sunset I am still just sitting eating chocolate, hating today and reminded of my past relationships and all the fucking mistakes I did because of you VALENTNIES DAY 

If I’m not mistaken Saint Valentine killed people, I’m pretty sure that’s true and FYI V-day, we aren’t living in the time of Jesus Christ. so why do what saint’s did apply so much to our own reality? 

Yes, I want love. I want it so badly I used to be addicted to it and now I still don’t know what to think about it wither I’m head over heels in love with someone or not. 

Love is not meant to make you feel stupid, insecure, fake, anything negative. Do you understand?

Yes, people who care about each other hurt each other but I’ve learned that those negative things that people label and place themselves just has nothing to do with love. In fact it’s the opposite of love and if you think youre not fucked up too then damn are you wrong, not one person on this planet is perfect, not one human being made of flesh and bone looks 100% the same. not one. Even if you’re a twin or a triplet, that kind of thing. 

Your identity isn’t your view on things or how you look, it’s what your heart looks like, it’s how you treat other people. 

I don’t know everything, I wish I did, I wish I could tell other girls to not love so easily, I wish woman wouldn’t get raped like I did, I wish I could help them but I can’t, the only thing I can do is vollenteer and give money. I’d give anything to help those young girls on the streets who don’t know what’s coming to them. 

I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking about what those beautiful baby girls have to go through. It’s not fair. To be hurt so young. 

When you’re a teenager, you think you know so much and you think you’ve been through so much but you haven’t. You don’t know as much as you think you do. I wish I had known that. 

I wish I had been told that relationships aren’t perfect and that your first boyfriend, your first serious relationship isn’t going to be how you want it to be, you can’t marry this boy, you can’t have a future with him, you have to get hurt, you have to. 

I remember that I so badly just wanted to give him everything, I loved him that much that I wanted him to want me to be his everything but the reality of it was that I didn’t mean anything to him, I was a pawn in his game and I was blinded by real love and after it all burned to pieces. 

I became scared of fully loving. I stopped believing and hoping someone could love me. To be honest I still find it hard to believe. I don’t see how someone could want to sacrifice so much of themselves to love me. 

I’m still a very sensitive person. Maybe not as much as before but I am. I am called “selfish”, not because I want so much but I think it’s because I want so little.. 

I realize that now. I really don’t ask much of anyone.. and it’s selfish of me to do so much of what others ask. 

I’ve said before that all I ever really want is a place to call “home” or to just be with someone who cares about me. Just one person who is brave enough to kiss my cheeks and hold me when I cry or to just own a place by myself where I can have that sense of something being mine. 

I want someone to belong to me ya know. I want someone to protect me and show me as much as they can that they love me. I’ve wanted that for such a long time and don’t you dare call me selfish for wanting that. don’t you fucking dare. 

You don’t know what’s like.. 

To be honest you don’t. 

I’ve moved 11 times, ELEVEN. Throughout my childhood. Even having two houses, not one of them feels like home. I have never had that security. 

Yes, I did have friends as a child but even so I still was very much left alone. I wasn’t listened to. 

I have begged, pleaded, prayed, for that security for who knows how long now and it still isn’t here. My hope is gone, my faith will slowly disappear once again and dissolve just like before. 

I have happy days and sad days and I want to be done with these sad days. 

Valentines Day, you always make me feel sad. 

If one day I like you then great but right now I’m a complete bitch and I need to get shit done. 

I FUCKING HATE YOU VALENTINES DAY 

Securely,

Zoe  

 

 

Burning Desire

Posted on by

0

He wants her
Even after
They fuck
He can’t
Seem
To stop
Her emerald eyes
Touched his soul
“I really
Like you..
You know”
He says
With a passionate kiss
He notices
The changes
In her
How she’s become
A woman
Like no other
He’s ever
Seen before
“I know what
I said before
But it
Doesn’t mean
Anything anymore
I choose you
If you will have me
My queen
I want you to be
My everything”

Untitled Poem/Personal Rant

Posted on by

0

Nice guys 

don’t come 

easy these days 

so if you’ve got 

one of your own

hold him closer

then you’ve ever known

or a bitch could 

take him away

kindness

charm 

something 

a girl like me 

has never had 

wrapped 

around her arm

sure 

I probably 

don’t need it 

but it’s hard to 

defeat 

a wanting 

in ones heart

just to be kissed 

by a man 

with a good heart

who isn’t afraid 

to hold me close

when my eyes are full of 

the water 

from the tide 

I don’t need a prince 

I promise you

they do not exist 

it’s all about 

the soul 

and how long 

he can hold on

to me 

even if I push 

em just a little bit 

when is my chance huh?

what more must I go through? 

How many more times 

must you see me break?

I swear to god 

I will start a damn earth quake

you’ve already let me

gain a small control

over the wind

I can move leaves around 

with the palm of my hand

Why must you torture me

with humanly wants and desires?

Do you see anyone who is going to stay here

for me like they’ve promised?

You throw hope in my heart

and sadness in my face

I dare not take it much longer

I beg you to fix things

for this handsome man

he has a good heart

he deserves much better

then what you throw at him

fucking up his car like that

 

I haven’t seen him since I was a child

do you not understand how much this meeting means to me?

he actually wants to be in my life 

and you go and fuck it up

I have no idea

what he thinks of me

\though I can probably

sense it by the look in his eyes

Please mother nature

do this for me

I know I often ask for too much

and I probably depend on you

and the goddess much more then I should

but I am your flesh and blood

you have given me gifts

that are not human

it is your doing

for creating me to be different

now I cannot make any promises

not to ask for things from time and again

but I’d like for this hang out to happen

I’d like to have some fun

and learn somethings about someone

maybe gain a kiss or two

or make out

it depends how it goes

but your the only one

who really knows  

Life’s For The Living So Live it!

Posted on by

0

You know what I don’t understand?

I’m not alone 

but I feel like I am quite often 

I’m not sure why that is 

and for the first time in my life 

I’ve let go of so many things from my past 

it’s liberating and tiring all at the same time 

I still have homework to do 

and I’m stressed beyond belief

I’d really like to just snuggle up in someones arms

and sleep

it’s been such a long time

since someone who actually cared about me

held me in their arms

now I’m not a needy person I swear

but I like intimacy

and affection

I love knowing how absolutely appreciated I am

even if it’s just the two of us laughing

like with my new friends in college  

just their smile can bring me happiness 

Yes, I am the girl 

who’s daddy was never proud of her

who left her in the dark about events 

who could not show his love 

I’m slightly still that girl 

so of course I would search for acceptance 

and love in other places 

places that I probably shouldn’t have looked 

when all along 

all I had to do was look into myself 

and love myself for who I am 

you don’t have to go searching for love 

you may think you do 

but baby you really don’t 

it’s here all along 

inside you 

it’s taken me almost twenty years to figure that out 

so tell the haters to go fuck themselves 

you are amazing, beautiful,charming,intelligent, 

don’t let anyone tell you any different 

you deserve to love yourself 

you can love yourself 

you may struggle 

but you are strong 

please smile for me 

please laugh 

spend time with people who care about you 

now I know we don’t know each other personally 

okay 

maybe we do 

but I don’t know that 

only you do 

so I don’t care who you are 

I care about you 

know you are loved 

if not by many 

then by one 

and that means a whole fucking lot 

I thank you so much for your support 

no matter how long you have been with my blog 

or in my life 

thank you 

lets be friends 

now I know I may bitch sometimes 

and say sorry for things I probably didn’t do

i don’t give a shit about 

what “flaws” you think you have 

or what “sins” (haha)

(I don’t believe in that word)

I love everyone! 

all of you! 

you hear! 

now so what if my love life has been crap

up until now I think.. 

things happen to happen

and if I can get over my past 

and easily move the fuck on from a fucking asshole 

who didn’t deserve me in the first place 

then you honey 

can love yourself 

and not accept “stereotypes” or “labels”

stick up for yourself 

do whatever the hell you want 

make memory’s to remember 

never give up

smile til your face hurts 

laugh so hard you pee in your pants 

take chances 

kiss someone new 

write on your walls 

sing so loud the neighbors hear 

masturbate as much as you want 

treasure your moments 

and I 

will always be here for you 

 

 

 

 

WE’LL SEE SOON

Posted on by

0

They agreed to meet at a coffee shop, that way they would be kept a secret. He said he would pick her up around one o’clock, he knew if he was late she would never forgive him, so he ended up at least half an hour early, hoping he’d see her before the approximate time he waited in the car and then texted her I’m here looking at his phone nervously. 

She came out of the shop, wearing her royal blue dress, knee high sock and that favorite blue hoodie of hers. She had her glasses on and not much makeup on, she’s even more beautiful then I remember.. he thought, gazing at her as if she were magic. 

“Hey” she said sweetly as she gently put her hair behind her ear and gave him a big grin.

“Hey” he replied nervously, wanting to kiss those precious pink lips of hers 

“Can I kiss you?” she asked, just after they embraced 

All he could do was smile and blush a bit, still keeping his hands on her, mainly around her waist, keeping her close. They moved in on each other, for a brief moment it was just lips upon lips, which set a spark through their bodies, it was a perfect kiss. 

He opened her door to his car, “Your chariot my lady” he said charming. She grinned and replied with a thank you. 

They drove to a hotel, a nice one, which surprised her, almost as much as his hand finding hers on the way there and the fact that he could not keep his hands off her. 

Once they got to the hotel, he payed for the room, another surprise. They paid for two nights at the hotel, but would only stay the night and late the next day. They didn’t have sex right away, it just started out as kissing almost everywhere in the room as they put their things away, then laying on the bed talking and kissing which soon turned to making out which he then admitted his feelings for her. He had never been very good at explaining his feelings but he did so as best as he could, still gazing at her like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She then told him her feelings in return, it was only fair. 

Soon they were making out, she asked him to sing, and he did, he sang a song that reminded him of her and he kissed her over and over again, it was beautiful. It turned into oral sex and plenty of fingering/hand jobs. He made sure to ALWAYS keep her pleased on that level. 

“I’ll be right back.. just let me slip into something more comfortable” she spoke gracefully kissing him and then going into the bathroom to change. 

As the door shut behind her, he immediately took off all of his clothes, putting the sheets carefully over his already erect penis which seemed to get harder any time he thought of her naked body and the feeling of sucking on her nipples. She was his first, the first woman he had ever made love to, he wanted to marry her, he realized this now as he waited patiently for her.

He called her name then he asked quietly “Are you ready yet?”  

Less then a minute later the door opened slowly, there she was. In a sexy nightgown made of pure silk, it was a light gold, very close to the color of her nails and toes. She wore no jewelry, but these little golden bobbles well earrings more like in her ears. Again she didn’t have much makeup on but she did put lip gloss gently on her lips. All so that he could kiss it all away like he usually did. 

She walked slowly over to him, cupping her hands around his face and kissing him hard and passionately. He blushed and kissed her the same way back. She sat gently on him. Teasing him. 

They made love three times, till the two of them were all tired out. She lay on his chest looking at him, he looked at her and they kissed. It was like the two of them spoke a language without words, they were so connected that they could understand each other just by the look in their eyes. 

They had both made mistakes in the past but none of that seemed to matter now. He wanted her more then anything he had before. For her to have his last name. To own a place together. She had changed him and he had changed her. He was never going to loose her again. 

They gazed at each other, it seemed like no matter how tired they were neither wanted to sleep. They just wanted to kiss each other, look into each others eyes and share things that most people don’t share. 

It wasn’t love quite yet but it would grow to be sooner then they both thought. Much sooner. 

 

 

 

I’m Your’s (short story)

Posted on by

0

“You think this is easy for me? You think that having you put me down all the time is easy?!” she spoke harshly but the tone in her voice made it quite obvious she was hurt.

“You have no idea what I have been through, you only just got here, where were you when I was made fun of at school? where were you when all my friends turned against me or.. or.. when the girl who I thought was one of my best friends told me to kill myself, where the fuck were you?” she was holding back tears now, he could see it, that distant look in her eyes, she was disappearing again so that it wouldn’t hurt as much.

He didn’t know what to say, she always made him feel like this, she always talked in a way that shocked him. So he did what he thought was best instead of doing the stupid thing like starting a fight.

He pulled her close to him, putting her arms around his torso, then putting his arms around her.

“I know I haven’t been respecting you like I should. I know I suck at apologizing. I’m just so fucking scared that I’m going to loose you again. I CANT loose you again, I just can’t, so I figure pushing you away will just bring you closer to me. I need you here” He said this quite hushed, almost a whisper, his lips were placed on her forehead.

“You don’t need me” she cried, she couldn’t let go of him, he smelled of old spice, she longed to put her fingers through his hair like before but she knew that it probably wasn’t an option or even allowed.

“Yes, I do. I need you Chloe. I know I don’t say it enough, I don’t say anything enough, I’m so sorry”  He felt himself tear up now, he never let himself cry in front of anyone, let alone a girl he cared about, well more like the girl he cared about most.

They just held each other for a large amount of time. Neither could let go.

It was then that he realized, she was his best friend and the only person who ever really tried to bury themselves deep down into the parts of him that others could not see, or, would refuse to. As hard as he tried to treat her like she was his lady friend, just a girl who he knew oh so well. She was incredibly different then any of those other girls he had fallen in love with, lusted over or just plain loved.  She had that sense of excitement about her, it was almost like she sparkled as if she were a goddess.

“It’s okay” she managed to whisper, letting go of him and putting her hands up to her face and against his chest. Which made her ponytail stick out even more then it already was.

He put his hands in her hair, then looking down at her shining pale face in the moonlight he moved his hands to her face now. Cupping her face ever so gently.

She looked at him, her eyes sparkling with a sense of hope.

They could both feel the sexual tension or was it just the sense of love and admiration between the two?

Then without a word, they kissed, sparks flew, it was perfect. It lasted for who knows how long but they both knew it was a while of their lips being completely together moving in such an elegant way.

He had finally made it, he had kissed the girl who was meant to be his all along.