Responsibility

Posted on January 12, 2014 by rebelliousoceannymph

He said
Her words hurt
But so did his
They both
Need to take
Responsibility
To fix this
It’s best
Not to
Make
Her angry
Or you’ll
Get
A bitch

Nothing

Posted on December 10, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

Have you
Noticed
He can’t
Write
Songs
Or
Poetry
Without her?
It’s almost like
He doesn’t want
To forget her
Instead he
Puts his
Energy
Into
Imagining
Fucking her
Like a god would
But will he
Keep his word
And make
This magical
Night happen
Like they
Both have
Craved
And
Raved
About?
Or
Is he going to
Screw
Everything up
Once more
Making her
Angry
And
Hateful
Towards him
For leaving her
Once again
Waiting
On a frost bitten
Doorstop
To be taken
Into her fantasy
Only to
End up
With
Tears of
Pain
And
Sorrow
And
Feeling
Like
She is
Nothing?

If I Could Make Days Last Forever If Words Could Make Wishes Come true I’d Save Every Day Like a Treasure and Then, Again, I Would Spend Them With You

Posted on June 25, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

Maybe I am just kidding myself.. but my vision’s aren’t ever completely wrong, so I don’t understand why it’s happening like this.

I’m fucking sick of having people say that they care and then they just leave. I thought he was different, I thought he did care and he was going to stay. God! I go through all of this shit just to be with him and then he wants to leave. I’d go with him but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want that. I’d totally just pack up and go with him too if I knew how.. but I have to stay here for three more years then I can go where I please.

You know I really thought this time I wouldn’t have to cry over anything or anyone… but I guess that isn’t the case.

Do you know how much I have done for him? How many insults and assumptions I was accused of? How all I did was help him with anything he needed help with? I was here when he needed a friend and someone to talk to, I was here when he cried, I remember the night pretty fucking well..

I wanna yell at him or slap him and just say FUCK YOU! then push him away.. but I’m not going to do that no matter how fucking angry I get. I am sad, it’s pretty fucking obvious.. I feel like my heart has just been ripped violently out of my chest.

What am I going to do without him? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO? I’ve always thought of him as one of my best friends, no one understands me like he does and no one understands him like I do. No one makes me laugh like he does and no one makes him laugh and smile like I do. I made him feel again, he was so numb and now he feels again and I’m practically being abandoned.

He could possibly be the love of my life and I’m getting ditched again. He was suppose to stay somehow or another and fall in love with me. It isn’t fair. This isn’t fair. This fucking sucks. Don’t ever fucking promise to me that your going to stay when you plan on leaving the next day. DON’T.

Don’t ever convince me that you care when you really don’t care all that much. Way to break the trust. Way to fucking break the trust. Well just to let YOU KNOW you are never going to find another woman like me in your entire life. Your never going to have what we have with another woman, no one will make you laugh like I do or make you smile or make you feel wanted like I do. Just to let you know.

So by all means go and don’t ever come back if you insist on breaking my heart AGAIN and taking every once of trust and respect I have for you. I can be as selfish as I want to right now, not once has anyone ever thought of me. I thought that you were the one person on this earth who would care more about me then himself. That’s what I thought.

I can’t believe I’m questioning if you care..

You really wanna leave? is that what you want? Did you ever even think about being with me? about what we could be? do you even care at all how this is affecting me?

There is always some truth behind every “I don’t know” so go ahead and tell me everything because I deserve to hear it before you go. Every feeling that you have felt with me, every thought in your mind when we were spending time together, every image in your head, you owe me that much if you plan on leaving me behind.

Now I’m going to stop thinking about this shit because it might not even happen, you might end up coming back each summer and I would hate to fuck up what I have with you but I guess you don’t seem to care..

You know I could have left you before you left me, I could have fucking done that but I didn’t did I? I FUCKING STAYED!! I FUCKING STAYED AND CARED ABOUT YOU THIS ENTIRE TIME and I don’t think I’m ever going to stop..

I Spoke The Words But Never Gave a Thought To What They Could Mean

Posted on April 1, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

so far I have seen no reason to let go

everything just seems to tell me to keep going and to not give up at this

but a small part of be just wants to cry and say

“I give up already leave me the fuck alone”

“Just go just fucking leave me already since you don’t want to be here!”

but I can’t do that

I can’t just fucking do that

this thing is bigger then I think

but you know he could be better off without me

but I don’t want him to be better off without me

I want him to be better with me

but I had to go ahead and push push push push

will I ever learn?

maybe not

FUCK

I turn such nice guys into bitter assholes

I’m not going to talk to him tomorrow like I said

I’m going to wait a few days

so as not to screw things up

he can talk to me when he is ready

I feel like I’m the only one who has been working hard for both of us

I should have known that he wouldn’t want a relationship with me

I can’t believe he thought I thought he was stupid

never ever ever did I think that

he put that all in his head

when I talk about people being stupid I talk about the people in high school who I was surrounded by or just people who cannot understand me in general

not once did I ever say or remark that he was stupid

I did get scared before that he wouldn’t want just me

but now I see my mistake

I see all of those false scared words that I said before

how untrue they were to be said

I wish he would trust me and just want to try

“whatever you want”

but it’s about what he wants to

and clearly right now we won’t be seeing eye to eye

I remember the day I met him

I guess I made the mistake to give in first

maybe if I let him make the first move again

but he just “likes” me

so I must not be all that important

at least not now if he isn’t willing to try

some Easter huh?

Yeah, I’d say so

most of this is Alice’s fault

but she’s different now

she can’t be mean anymore

Thinking “what if?”

never helps

overthinking

does nothing but make you worry

and worrying just makes people scared

but I’m not scared

not anymore

he can go

but we are never going to get a chance at this connection again

how sad it will be when it’s gone

when he’s gone

that is if he goes

what’s happened

between us

has been more unfair to me then him at this point

all I said was hurtful words

while he made me wait and refused to speak to me

and that was two months

the only reason he doesn’t feel what he used to

is because we haven’t seen each other

in a large amount of time

because he wouldn’t let me see him

he wouldn’t help me out

to figure out when we can see each other

he said he wouldn’t give up

he promised he would stay

I have it in words

this isn’t just my mistake

you fucked up too

you hurt me right after I hurt you

but I wont give up

even if we may be drowning

I’ll find a way to save you

no matter what

temperature

the water may be

or how rough

I’ll stick both hands in

and grab for you

till there is no breath left in my body

and my hands are safely in yours

that good enough for you?

because if you want barbie I can sure as hell get her for you

I’m not perfect

I’m no barbie doll

but at least I have plenty of good quality’s

maybe you haven’t found all of those yet

maybe you didn’t even bother to get underneath my skin

because I would go on and on

but the thing is

you don’t know everything about me

“What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she’s a stranger”

no one ever will

and if you want to be that person to figure me out

go ahead

I wish you luck

your a Leo

you have an ego

I see it all the time

you may say you don’t have one but you do

you’ve cared more about your own ass then mine

that’s low

and it pisses me off

you wanted me in the beginning

what’s keeping you from liking me now?

your going to be a very sad old man

if you don’t open up to people who care and are trying to make things work out

I fucking care a whole lot about you

god, why can you not see that!

you push me away

you have been

maybe we aren’t different

maybe we are just so similar that

we frustrate each other

did you ever think of that?

Maybe your Mr. Darcy

and I’m Lizzy

or your Noah

and I’m Allie

or maybe

I’m Clementine

and your Joel

we have magic

we are the fucking magic

we are similar in ways

I’d rather not list them though

you anger me so much

sometimes

I just want to flip you the finger

and then have fucking passionate sex with you

you and I are

stubborn

selfish

kind

zen

crazy

intelligent

wise

artistic

we both love nature

and have similar interests

why the fuck did I not see this before?

how can you not see this?

hahahahaha

we are a like in ways

it’s fantastic

I just happen to be more crazy then you

or more mad

damn

if you decide “NO”

I can see all of your weaknesses..

If you decided “YES”

I see good things happening

just wake up baby

think

you’ll see it

I will label you as an asshole when you leave though

I will delete you from my life completely

and you will be considered stupid to me

when you stay

oh hot damn

I have some new lingerie that needs to be shown

and we should probably go out on that actual first date

but if your not ready then alright

we can hang out

I’ll make sure that you wont miss a thing

and I will treat you better then anyone else ever could

I’m not a choice though

you have to work to have me

and it seems like right now you really don’t care

fuck you

I need a man

not a boy

so yeah

I seriously don’t expect much

just kisses

I don’t need to be treated like a princess

but being treated nicely would be great

I want you to stay

I want you to love me

you could possibly affect my future

and this connection we’ve got

could never happen with you again

it’s a valuable thing honestly

if you think about it

not many young people get connections like us

I mean do you even think about this connection?

it seems like I’m the only one holding onto it not letting it break

why aren’t you doing the same?

do you really find me that unattractive personality wise?

I wish you did feel like you do honestly

I miss that

I miss feeling and know that you appreciate me

now I’m lucky enough

if you even talk to me

I know we both didn’t want this to happen

for you to loose that feeling

yesterday is history

tomorrow is a mystery

think of all we can share

all we share already

I’ll have an apartment 15 minutes away

from your area of living

I mean how cool is that?

and my mom actually wants me to go to that community college!

and I looked into it before I fucking met you

I’m still angry angry at you though

you seem to think most of this is my fault

when it was both of us

you only helped screw it up

and more you dont talk to me

the more it does get more confusing

because I’m actually trying

to get us back together

and your not

so I would change that maybe

it’s not really fair to me

when I am taking all of the responsibility and you aren’t..

even taking some of it

I mean don’t blame it on fate

I feel like I’m growing up a but more before you are

hmmmm

I’m going to laugh and cry if you give up on me

I’m going to laugh because that would be fucking stupid

and I’m going to cry because I’ll miss you

I don’t see you as the leaving type though

plus we hardly got a chance together

you wouldn’t fucking open up to me and I just pushed you away

like what the hell is wrong with us? haha

I’m pretty sure we can start over

back it up just a little

get to know each other again

no more just electronics

we’ve gotta actually spend time together

but I’m going to need you to trust me

“do you trust me?”

perfectly said

by Aladdin from Disney

you know

we could redo that kiss too

just a thought

damn I really wish that you missed me

just a little

Reason’s To BLOW Up

Posted on January 19, 2013 by rebelliousoceannymph

FUCK YOU

YOU FUCKING SHOW UP AND SAY OH YEAH LETS GO ON A FUCKING MOTORCYLE ROAD TRIP AND GET NAKED TOGETHER, FOR ALL I KNOW YOU WERE PROBABLY FUCKING DRUNK. YOU SHOW UP EVERY FUCKING YEAR, YOU FUCKING TEXT ME AND LEAD ME ON BUT YOU STILL ONLY FUCKING THINK OF YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING CONVINCE ME THEN YOU LEAVE. FOR ALL I KNOW YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING LIED ABOUT READING MY BLOG. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU. I HAD TO FUCKING DELETE YOU FROM MY PHONE SO THAT I WOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU LEADING ME ON AGAIN JAKE.

FUCK YOU

YOU STOOD ME UP SIX FUCKING TIMES, SIX FUCKING TIMES!!! SIX FUCKING TIMES! I TRIED SO HARD TO GET TO KNOW YOU TO FUCKING GET TO KNOW YOU THEN YOU FUCKING TEXT ME LIKE THREE FUCKING TIMES, DO YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT I STILL FUCKING ADMIRE YOU? I FUCKING ADMIRE YOU CHARLIE! I ALWAYS FUCKING HAVE AND WHENEVER I TRY TO GET YOU TO OPEN UP YOU NEVER FUCKING DO AND ITS JUST YOU LEAVING AND COMING BACK AGAIN! WELL MAKE A FUCKING DECISION CHARLIE! MAKE ONE! BECAUSE I’M FUCKING SICK OF YOU COMING BACK INTO MY LIFE THEN LEAVING AGAIN! SO STAY OR GO! I’M DONE WITH PATHETIC MEANINGLESS CONVERSATIONS THAT MEAN NOTHING.

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FOR LEADING ME ON.

FUCK YOU FOR WANTING ME WHEN YOU HADN’T EVEN MET ME YET!

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME DREAM OF SOMETHING THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

FUCK YOU FOR GOING INTO THE ARMY AND FUCK YOU FOR WANTING TO FUCK ME!

FUCK YOU FOR ONLY USING ME FOR SEX!

FUCK YOU FOR DITCHING ME!

FUCK YOU FOR TURNING ME ON THEN FUCKING LEAVING ME HERE WITH MY HAND IN MY FUCKING PANTS!

FUCK YOU, FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR STAYING, HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME? HUH? WHAT MAKES ME SO IMPORTANT? I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS..

Being An Us For Once

Posted on December 1, 2012 by rebelliousoceannymph

I’m done giving him time to think, completely done

I don’t have much time myself

and this situation may destroy me

is that what you want God? Mother Nature? whoever you are?

am I supposed to die young?

before him I couldn’t see my future and now that he’s gone, now that he’s gone I can’t see it again but with him I could..

why is that? why do you make me love this man who will no longer acknowledge me existence? Why do I love him? why?

you keep giving me all of these signs that he will come back and shit and he hasn’t yet, I’m sorry but you have been getting my hopes up you dumbass!! your worse then him, much worse, you get my hopes up and then I get NOTHING from him NOTHING

Is that what I am to you now? nothing?

I’m your child, you can’t abandon me, you just can’t, you can’t make me happy and then take my happiness that is just a no

you know how hard I have tired to get this man back because my heart physically aches without him? I love him THAT MUCH

THAT FUCKING MUCH

and can I get over him and move on? no! apparently that is impossible!

hearing his voice makes my heart beats a thousand times faster..

that is how much I love him

and from the sound of his voice on the voicemail thing, he doesn’t sound very happy either

he was much much happier with me

I’ll admit I do feel better hearing his voice..

oh his voice

his lips