Dream of You

I saw you
In my dreams
Last night
I’m not sure
How you got there
But it was us
And
Don’t get angry
For me saying this
But that love
Was ours
Maybe this time
We will just let it brew
Not knowing
What to do

Chosen

“I love you” 

she said 

“never” 

he replied 

but 

if it 

was a 

lie 

why

has she 

always been 

by your side? 

answer me 

that 

because 

true love 

like that 

I can 

tell you 

she 

doesn’t just 

give it 

to anyone 

she chose you 

it could 

be your 

destiny 

to choose her 

back 

 

 

Just Call Her

Her heart
Aches
For the
Beating
Of his own
Her lips
Crave
The taste
Of his
Her eyes
Look into
The sky
Missing him
Day by day

Let The Demons Take Me (short story)

“I can’t.. I can’t do this anymore” she said, her pale face looking even paler, her body feeling loose and weak.. 

He held her in his arms “No!” he wept “No! I’m not gonna let you die! You can’t do this to me, you can’t leave me here without you!” tears began to run down his cheeks, he moved pieces of her brown hair out of the way of her face, exposing her bright green eyes.. 

“You have to go on, this..” she coughed slightly, then spoke ever so softy “This was my choice” her wrists were bleeding even more then they were before, the blood began to stain her orange dress and his jeans. 

A single tear ran down her pale cheek, “You can’t.. you can’t.. you can’t save me.. it’s too..” 

Tears still fell down from his eyes, he never cried, never, but loosing her, loosing her in this way, smashed his heart into so many little pieces. She had done it, she had listened to that other voice in her head and let the demons take her, the slits on her wrists were too deep, she had dug the knife in too far. 

“Too what? Too what?!” he wailed, rocking her back and forth, waterfalls streaming from his eyes, he was unable to stop, the sadness and depression had taken him but he knew she wasn’t dead, at least not yet. 

“Late” she whispered.. “You don’t know what it’s like to live with a voice in your head who puts.. you.. down.. allthetime.. then to have others.. put you down.. over and..” 

She gasped, her wrists were burning now.. she was seeing specks of white light now. 

“I love you… please don’t ever forget me.. and what I’ve..doneforyou” she let out a loose slight smile, as if she was happy to die. 

He cried and cried, he was loosing her, the one woman that made him feel like a real man, the one who was always there for him, she had taken her own life, he couldn’t stand it. He was loosing his girl. 

“But you’re my girl! I need you.. don’t leave me please” he looked into her eyes and let his tears of agony fall on her face now. 

She mouthed “I love you so much” then she felt hands grab her, her spirit was going into the afterlife.. 

Her body lay lifeless, her dark brown hair a mess, her eyes wide open, her mouth closed, her beautiful body and summer dress covered in a pool of blood, purple and then a deep crimson red.. 

He couldn’t help himself, he had to cry, he had to let his sadness wash her or cleanse her pale body. 

It was then that he said everything, he confessed of his feelings from the moment they met to the day that he first gave her a kiss to this moment of her dying in his arms.

He expected a miracle of some sort to happen.. but it didn’t she just lay in his arms dead and lifeless 

He had failed to protect her, he had left her alone for too long, the demons had taken her. He felt he could have saved her, he could have.. they lived together for fucks sake! 

He lay there now, his back on the floor, his arm around her body, gazing into her dead green eyes.

“I saw you in my future you know.. it was you” he said with a pained look on his face, still gazing. 

From that night on all he could do was see her everywhere, in his dreams, where he went, she was everywhere. He felt her arms around him often and her head on his chest. 

He loved her so much. Why didn’t he tell her? why did he play so many games with her head? Why did he leave her so many times but always come back? 

He could have saved her.. if he had just broken down his own walls and let himself see her heart. 

 

Fishes.

She was born a fish 

a child of water 

and the sea 

men came from 

far and from wide 

but none could tame 

her beast inside 

till one day 

she met a man 

who claimed 

he once was a fish 

he was quite tan

from the sun

and 

very much 

liked to run

their time 

together grew short

but oh how she loved him so

soon he would be living in the cold 

would he miss her?

would he think of her?

would he love her 

from far away?

she really 

could not say

but if he wanted her

why couldn’t he stay?

though she couldn’t ask that of him 

his love for the cold 

seemed to cling more to his heart 

then her heart of pure gold 

she had always known 

that he was the one for her 

they knew each other far too well

before meeting 

when he kissed her

and listened to her heart beating 

that was when she knew

her true love 

grew

his past 

didn’t matter to her

nor did his mistakes 

her adored her beautiful face 

they were fish 

you see 

brought together 

by the ocean 

and sea 

 

Togetherness.

His phone rang in his pocket, just as he was on his way to the lake. How unfortunate he thought but he took it out anyway and answered. 

“Hey” said a familiar voice on the other line, it was her, he had been waiting for her call, it was odd for him to miss someone so much while he was away, he tried his best not to be around people but for her, he could always make an exception.

“Oh hiya!” he replied nervously. Usually she was the one who was nervous, her mouth would dry up and her mind would be all over the place but this time, it was him feeling this way. She sounded just as beautiful as she always did.

“Where are you?” she asked, he felt this kind of a question was quite odd.

“I’m by the lake, why do you ask?” he spoke in a concerned tone. 

“Well I’m coming to pick you up”  she said confidently. 

She soon arrived in her emerald green mini cooper, spotting him. “Get in” she yelled cheerfully and slightly laughing. This startled him but he got in just as she said. 

“What are we doing?” he asked, he hadn’t seen her in a while so this was interesting. When he looked at her he saw memory’s of them naked in her bed, laughing and smiling and kissing. Such a heaven, really. She was so beautiful, he couldn’t help but stare, she had become much more elegant and kind since they had been together, he enjoyed that. 

They drove for around two to three hours, having conversations about life and what they did while apart, it was comforting for the both of them. You could feel the spark of their connection was just as strong as ever. 

She parked the car, gave him a blindfold and said “You gotta put this on, it’s a surprise”  with a bit of a giggle. 

“I’m not one for surprises” he said with the shake of his head. 

“I promise you’ll like this one” she grind that cheeky grin that he loved so much, he wanted so badly to just put his fingers through her dark brown hair, looking into those green-brown eyes and kiss her just like he had before, but he didn’t. He put the blindfold on and let her lead the way. 

He couldn’t see anything, obviously, but as he felt his feet move, the touch of her hand in his, he knew he was going to be okay. 

He heard his footsteps and hers, then the sound of a door opening, they must have reached the destination. He walked a little further then found himself sitting on something comfy, then his wrists were being tied to something.. What the hell? he thought with a chuckle, damn, she is quite the mastermind. 

“I’ll be right back” she said sweetly. 

Twenty minutes later, music was playing, it was a type of relaxation music. He felt her hands behind his head, untying the blindfold. She slowly took it off. Then he saw her face, pale, thin with those pretty cheekbones, she had red lipstick on, hardly any makeup like usual but as he looked down to check her out…

He saw she was wearing a maroon lace corset, it fit her just beautifully, with a matching thong and everything, “Holy fuck..” he said in shock, he knew she was beautiful but this, this was amazing. 

She cupped her hands around his face and kissed him, hard, putting so much passion into this kiss, she had just missed him too much. He couldn’t touch her, since he was tied up, but how he longed too, just like old times. 

She was sitting on him now, humming to the music, kissing parts of his body, stripping him till he was completely exposed. She liked it much more when they were together this way, nothing to hide, just complete nakedness and whispers instead of words. 

She kissed him everywhere, then down to his penis which she sucked for quite a long time until he was satisfied, leaving most of the satisfaction in her mouth and on her chest. She cleaned herself off then started taking off what she had on. 

Now they were both exposed. She put him inside her and let out a small groan of satisfaction. “Awh” is what she said. He gazed at her now, gazed with determination, she was going to be his.

She unbound his hands gradually so he could put his hands wherever he wanted now and he did. They began to move, together, in a way that neither of them ever had before, she was completely satisfied, after all he could give her an orgasm without even touching her, just the sight of him made her completely turned on, she loved him that much.

He realized he had loved her too. They began to move fast and faster, she would moan and groan over and over again, it was sexual euphoria, their bodies just fit so well together, so perfectly together.

 

They would not finish, they would go on and on, having sex over and over again, no stress in their body’s at all. It was just satisfaction after satisfaction and that little thing called true love. Complete with kisses everywhere, hands wandering, faces wandering bodies, tongues, position after position, no words.  

They had waited for this and it had been so much more, so completely worth it.

Day’s later, he would finally express himself to her. After her days of waiting he would give her the ring to prove it. She would cry those tears he knew so well. Those tears of joy. 

They were finally together. 

Happiness.

Do you ever think of me?

could I possibly be 

somewhere within your mind 

or memory?

I think of you quite often 

ya know 

and I’ve had so many dreams 

I that felt much more real 

it was very 

surreal

to have those dreams come true

or were they simply

just visions of you

it could be you calling me

you could be the one saying “I love you”

but how do I know if its so?

I feel your arms around me

I can’t let you go

our bonds are much too strong

though its been so long since I’ve seen you

Do I not mean as much as I used too to you?

 

I’m not waiting for you

to choose me

or loose me

it’s really up to you

apparently to others 

my “true love” 

for them just doesn’t mean shit 

but you know whats really hard?

trying to find it 

so you should be happy 

I love you like I do 

for everything that you are 

through and through

that’s quite a gift 

you know it’s true 

this kind of love 

is important to me 

as are the people 

my heart and soul have chosen throughout the years 

I won’t convince you stay 

only one person has ever meant it okay

so once you go your gone 

just a shadow in my life

that’s all I can allow you to be 

if you choose to leave me 

I won’t talk to you

even if I want to 

I wont say a word

you’ll be just like you were before 

and that proves your no different 

that is for sure 

the man who promised he’d stay 

is making it quite clear

even if he wont be very near

he does care 

but I’m asking you 

do you?

because I have tried 

so hard 

to get through to you

to make you see

that what happened 

to crush us 

was just a misunderstanding 

we don’t have to get back together

I’m not asking that of you

just please let me get close to you

let me hug you once more?

you want me to leave you alone?

I can do that for sure

whatever you want 

just ask 

or tell me 

I just want to see you happy 

 

 

An Unexpected Love Story in Camelot

In a cottage, not far from Camelot, lived a young woman far more beautiful then the rest and far strange then anyone had ever imagined. Her hair a dark brown with tints of red and a slight curl, it shone in the candle light. Her eyes were known for changing color within her moods. Her lips were perfect, a pale pink. Her skin was always pale almost like snow but once the sun hit it and she burned she looked as if she were a gypsy of the old ways, only with some slight freckles ontop of her pointed down nose. This night was different then most nights at home in her tiny little cottage.. 

She couldn’t sleep, instead she found herself writing words that once lay on the pages of her tattered, used, too large of a heart, now in the old henna washed pages of a leather bound book.

Her quill was made of the feather of her dear friend the Phoenix, enchanting really, brushed with the brightest gold and the color of crimson red like the blood that fell from her fingertips whenever she intended to work some white magic. She wasn’t necessarily a “witch” as so many had labeled her before, nor much of a “sorceress”, though there was plenty gossip around the village. It never really bothered her, she had her friends the animals, being an orphan like herself it was natural to gain respect for those who clearly were less seen. 

She was never given much of a name as a child, though, then again, all she did was sell matches, “the little match girl”, the townspeople would call her. She found it a bit offensive but learned to live with it until she grew out of the name and found herself a real hobby. 

When the headmistress of the orphanage got her as a infant, she was said to have been found in a seaweed basket completely naked with nothing but a necklace made of emerald around her neck with a strange carving on it, a symbol of some sort maybe. 

She found more dangers as a child then she did now, roaming around at night in cotton dress and petticoat would never be enough for the poor girl in the wintertime, men with thoughts in their heads of ruin could do anything to a little girl like her, she screamed plenty and the headmistress would never believe the poor girl about what had happened that night or other nights before. As an adult she tried her best to forget about her past. 

She had become a sensational woman, daughter of eve, lover of mother nature, her work always being towards the good no matter what cost. 

She wrote, of everything, every secret, every craving, every feeling of love and lust, things she felt were beyond important to her. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 

“Come in!” she said sweetly, as she put her quill in the ink one last time before the distraction had occurred. 

“Goddess!” he shouted “Sweet glorious gift of my life! The pure truth in my heart!” 

He always called her names like these, making her completely flattered, her face a bright red and undoubtedly her knickers quite wet. It was Merlin, the young lad who worked for the dear prince Arthur. He was a handsome Wizard, his hair was the color of a slightly dirty wax vanilla candle or the sandy color of the beach, he always had stubble on his face or a mustache and gotee type of thing, his teeth were a bit crooked but that always gave her a smile, he wasn’t big in the stomach nor was he too skinny, defiantly strong though, his eyes were hazel like the sun in the dark clouds, big and beautiful, his lips were perfectly shaped, bigger bottom lip then the top one, she had always admired him,  found him attractive she sure did. 

She got up from her desk and jumped into his arms, kissing him so passionately his eyes closed ever so sweetly, the taste of him drove her crazy. She ran her fingers into his short hair, pulling him closer. 

She only wore dresses on special occasions, so normally a while peasant blouse and some leather leggings would do, some tie up boots as well, so of course it was hard for Merlin to simply take them off her.. but he had been over a dozen times before and knowing his powers, with the snap of his fingers she could be bare breasted in no time at all. 

Merlin brought her to the bed, he mumbled a small spell, which made her clothes vanish in an instant. She then repeated the same spell, taking his off as well. 

“My goddess..” he would say as he kissed every part of her body like she were the most fragile being on earth. “You.. are so beautiful..I’m so glad.. your mine” then he gazed ever so deeply and passionately into her eyes “I love you” he spoke truthfully. 

“I love you and I’m never letting you go” he spoke gently again, on his knees, moving closer to her delicate parts, he loved so much to put his lips down there, making her moan and pant with sexual pleasure. She kissed him and whispered in his ear “I love you too” then winked at him in a sexy way, making him shiver. 

She opened herself up as he slowly put himself inside of her. She shuttered, it had stung just a bit but she liked it when he did that. Their bodies then began to move in harmony with each other, her eyes grew wide and her mouth moaned with completely blinding justice, she was his there was no doubt about that.

She lay on top of him now, still moving deeply together, he held her small body so closely to his, it was if her spine could break a little, he kissed her and kissed her and kissed her until his lips became chapped and sore. Hours had gone by, maybe even days, they didn’t know, time meant nothing to them. 

Soon they had finished, after she had her multiple orgasms and he had cum plenty of times, she lay on his chest looking deeply into his beautiful eyes. She rubbed her nose with his which always secretly meant “I love you, I care about you, I need you, stay with me” it sent a shiver down his spine, butterflies in his stomach and fire on his lips. He was different then the rest, he knew what it meant the moment she first did that comforting action to him. 

“My Goddess.. My beauty.. my princess.. may I ask you something?” he questioned comfortably, kissing her a bit here and there. In return she smiled and kissed back.. “Yes my love Merlin.. what is it?” she asked back. 

He took what looked like a precious stone out from under the pillow, but it wasn’t just a stone, it was a diamond encrusted with emeralds in the shape of a circle with a magical silver glowing spiral inside it, a ring. 

“Will you marry me?” he asked her confidently with a grin. 

“Yes!” she spoke loudly, kissing his face over and over again ,smiling, then she spoke like a song “We are betrothed!” she touched her heart playfully “you are mine and I am yours more defiantly!” 

Soon day’s would pass and Merlin would have to go on another quest, she would have to wait to see her lover then, dearest to her sacred heart, but they would always communicate using magic until he came home again. 

True love you see, is the greatest gift and the hardest to work for, if two beings of the old ways, of magic and spells can fall so deeply in love succeeding in creating a love so great even a king would be jealous then you my dear can work as they do, for your see, love is always with us, even if we cannot see it in the start of our story it always appears in times unknown to us but very well known to the center of our unique hearts. 

 

The Clock is Ticking, Will She Survive?

I guess this is something personal about me so I’m not sure if its a good thing to share but… I’ve had visions of myself dying at a young age if I didn’t fall in love or find who I am suppose to be with. I guess that explains why I fall in love so easily and why I never really give up. I’m not afraid of death I just would really like to live my life and it scares me that it could end. That’s why I value time so much because I don’t know when it will happen or if any of my dreams will come true. If ill even get what I want before I die. It’s hard for me to imagine not living and not getting to that place where I want to be so badly, I always shoot for the stars, I always say things that I mean and try not to leave things unsaid. I can’t see my future without being loved by someone, I just can’t see it and I can’t pull myself forward without that. I’m sorry I just told all of you this, I know I’ll probably be around longer but right now I’m terrified that it might come true. I don’t want that. I don’t want to die, I can’t die. I know that my heart is big and can’t take rejection easily at all, I know that brings pain to me and I do want the pain to stop but it’s never going to and I feel like each time my heart is physically broken I do die a little until someone is willing to try to bring me back to life.. I’m not sure when that will be and I hope it’s soon. I want to live, I want to be a wife and a mother to my future children, I want a house by a lake and someone to love me unconventionally over and over again with a passion and devotion like no other, I want that more then anything in the whole world and right now I feel like time could be running out..

Title Undetermined

I have so many questions in my head

my heart hurts 

my eyes are wet with tears 

I hate this 

I hate this so fucking much

and I don’t hate things usually

it’s like my heart is dangling from a string 

and he’s the one dangling it!

I’ve been thinking about my feelings too

and I will not leave this 

I will stay 

I have no fucking choice 

my feelings are what they are

I don’t give a damn if he doesn’t feel the same way

we feel differently 

everyone feels differently 

I feel strong emotions with you

I fucking cried 

I cried because you make me feel so happy 

so fucking happy 

this is the second time I have cried over you

you can’t leave me and I know your not going to

I hope your not going to 

you said you would stay

you said your not giving up 

I love being with you 

I love talking with you

yes, i’ll take responsibility for my being a bitch and freaking out so much at the start

it’s just what I do when I’m scared 

I freak out 

or don’t say anything until I explode

have your opinion on my flaws 

I don’t care 

nobody is fucking perfect 

not even you 

not me 

no one 

perfection is an illusion 

I haven’t even gotten my period when I was suppose to 

so if I don’t get it soon 

then I’m pregnant

(I doubt that though)

if that happens then oh well

I’ll have a tough decision to make

 

then i’ll have to find someway to explain to my family who the father is

I doubt I am though

I have been trying to wrap my head around

this whole fucking thing

maybe I’m trying to be in your shoes too much

I don’t understand why men need so much time to think about how they feel

when woman just go ahead and talk about everything

I’m so confused right now

Yet my gut keeps yelling at me

SOON

what the fuck does SOON mean right now?

SOON YOU TWO WILL BE TOGETHER

SOON HE WILL TELL YOU HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU

SOON YOU WILL HAVE A BROKEN HEART (hahaha, laughing at that one, since i doubt it!)

SOON A MONKEY WILL STEAL YOUR WALLET

SOON YOU WILL BE MADLY DEEPLY TRULY IN LOVE LIKE YOU WANT 

SOON YOU WILL GET NEW SHOES

what the fuck does it mean?

my intuition is telling me

“Everything’s going to work out, it’s all going to be okay, stop freaking out”  

I’m scared 

I’m scared I’m going to loose the one person who means so much to me 

I’m scared he’s gonna leave me even though he said he wouldn’t 

I just need a hug right now 

and all these stupid false remarks 

that probably aren’t even why this is happening 

god damnit 

I just wish I knew 

what SOON meant 

so far 

I’ve felt nothing negative 

towards what is going to happen 

so it must be something good

and now I am done freaking out 

hahaha

WOW

I gotta work more on controlling my ups and downs 

I’ll work on that too

give me a week and I can probably master it more

I just feel so much you know?

sometimes the emotions stay for a long time 

and sometimes they just go away after an outburst

I have been called “crazy”

a few million times 

because of that 

and I have lost people because of it 

sometimes its a good thing 

sometimes it just not all that helpful 

I told you before that my mother likes to call me Bi-Polar

but that’s not it 

I just have a gift 

that not many people really have 

I feel emotions/energy in everything 

wither its a carbonized life form or a house 

if someone died recently in your family in your house 

I can probably feel their energy they left behind or see their spirit 

or another example 

we got my dog Bella from a puppy shelter 

when she came home with us she was scared and wouldn’t really go near us 

I projected my positive loving energy into her and now she is a happy dog 

by saying the simple words 

“I love you” and petting her

those words can do so much magic 

they can heal so much hurt 

my mother tells me that its basically sending love 

if you think of someones face 

and say 

“I love you” more then three times 

I have had to constantly tell myself 

“I love you”

in order to actually love myself 

it took me a year 

maybe more 

to fully accept myself 

to let go of my past 

yes, I do still look for comfort 

I tried looking for comfort and love and someone who would accept me for myself in every way and in spite of everything 

I didn’t have to look this time 

I just about gave up and stopped looking 

till what I wanted came my way 

I’ll tell you all what 

I’ll conquer my fears 

if you conquer some of yours 

I’m afraid people will leave me 

and above all things 

I’m afraid of never getting love or being loved

I used to be scared of the dark 

I used to be scared of clowns 

I used to be scared of success 

but I’m not afraid of those anymore 

I’m just afraid of not being loved 

a lot of the time 

I used to ask myself 

“what if I never get that love?”

I thought something like that I could never deserve 

but 

I guess 

in spite of everything 

I do deserve it

I deserve it so fucking much

and you all know it 

you know 

I think everyone deserves that true love 

it doesn’t have to be like the movies either 

it can be your own special true love 

I’m not saying its going to be true love 

like mister perfect or miss banging body 

will find you 

but someone who makes you the happiest 

you have ever been will find you 

and you will find them 

promise me you wont ever give up on that?

someone very intelligent and brave told me to never give up

he also gives the best kisses

but anyway 

never give up 

because what you have wanted all your life 

will find you 

you just have to push what your afraid of away

yes, being scared is all part of being human

but it only lasts for so long 

you can’t let fear run your life 

you can’t let it consume you 

to a point where you can no longer see whats with you and in front of you 

I’m going to keep telling myself I deserve love and that I am loved 

because I AM 

I realize now 

that I

soon 

will be ready for a relationship

maybe before your ready 

I’ll be ready

or maybe right when you are

I will be too

please stay with me