You Would Know

She sat with her tea

not coffee

and

waited for the

sun to appear

a great

pain in her chest

she looked like

quite a mess

but she had

nothing to fear

for fallen

angels

look just like

you and me

we sit and sip

on our tea

our eyes weak

and weary

if your anything

like me

you’ll just laugh

at yourself

to make your face

happy

with a smile

like no ones ever seen

its hard to be

someone like me

so full of adventure

and dreams

if I had a child

I’d sing it to sleep

if you’d listen to who I say I am

and tried to understand

you’d know

I’m not like the rest

you’d know

it’s easy to take my hand

but even harder to let me go

You’d know

Secrets To Be Seen & Hearts To Be Held, Let Me Be Your Gal!

Painted pictures on the wall 

I see you smile 

I want it all

in a coffee shop 

you and I 

your long blonde hair 

staring at me with your blue eyes 

we kiss so delicately 

I’m not surprised 

 now do you see

what you will miss?

don’t lie to me 

I understand everything

I see right through it 

there’s really nothing to it 

I’m giving you time 

and have been giving it to you

don’t waste it

not like this 

I just want 

to give you a kiss

so that you wont miss 

what we are 

or should be 

I’d like for you 

to belong to me 

instead of hanging on 

in my dreams 

as if they were a reality 

which they 

should be 

but I can’t make you 

like me 

so I guess 

we shall see 

 

Lavender & Coffee

Days began
To smell
Of
Lavender
And
Coffee
Nights
Smelled of
Sex
And their
Two warm
Bodies
One inside
The other
Passionate
Attraction
Filled with
The adoration
Of each others
Faces and body parts
Their talents
Not too far
Apart

My Favorite Things

I love
The smell
Of my naked body
As I just get up
I love
The coffee
I have in the morning
How it warms me so
I love
Jumping into
A hot shower
Or lake
Just the feeling
Of the water
Surrounding me
I love midnight kisses
And staying up
Till sunset
In a pair of
Strong arms
I love it
When a man
Will answer
Any question
I have
Without loosing
The words
To say
I love
Creating things
That no one
Else can
I love
Exactly who I am
So don’t ask me
To change
Instead
I will
Grow
I don’t care
About
What people
Think
Of me
Love
Or hate
Doesn’t matter
I’ll always
Find
Some way
To put myself
Back together

I’m On My Way From Misery To Happiness Today

You ever notice that whenever someone

“leaves” or “walks out” of your life 

it’s almost like they died?

it hurts that much 

and since you stop talking to them for a large amount of time 

it’s starts feeling like it almost is real

that they may not be dead in real life 

or in your heart 

but your life becomes empty without them

until they realize 

what they are missing 

then they come back 

and admit that they fucked up 

but you soon realize 

life is better without them

or you welcome them back into your life with open arms 

I haven’t had coffee in a long time 

this is the first time in a really long time 

I’d almost forgotten the taste 

I love coffee and I love tea 

both can make you live longer 

laughing can make you live longer 

I haven’t had a real laugh in a long time 

but everything is going to be okay 

and sooner then later 

I’ll be smiling again 

I’ll be driving 

I’ll be packing 

I’ll be working 

and 

I’ll be learning 

then someday 

I’ll be going to Ireland

and Paris 

and The U.K 

I’ll meet people 

and experience grand things 

and see so much 

maybe I’m not entirely meant 

to fall in love yet 

maybe my Irish man or English man 

is with all the wrong woman 

maybe he’s learning just as I am 

and not many people know of his guitar skills 

and the way he draws 

maybe he isn’t famous but one day he will be 

and we’ll meet on the red carpet somewhere 

or at one of my art shows 

I know one day I’ll go to New York City 

so maybe he’s there 

it’s all just right around the corner

and people that have made themselves 

dead in my life 

will miss out on my success 

it’s just the way things are meant to be 

A Shot of Espresso & Some Chai

Why the fuck do I do this? I over-think and over-think and over-think. 

I like you okay, I like you! there! 

Ugh so many questions going through my head and this is the price I get for being a girl, shit.. 

My music isn’t helping either. 

Gosh, what happens if you don’t like me? what do I do then? 

your so much more amazing then I thought. 

I’ll admit I’m a bit disappointed that our date had to end but hey there’s always time for one more. I hope you ask me out again. 

It really does feel like my past is behind me. For real this time. 

You really make me happy you know? 

I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to kiss you in the coffee shop. 

haha, you were so nervous, I could tell. I think you talked more then I did. I like that. 

I wish I knew how you felt about me. Maybe sometime soon I’ll find out. I hope to find out soon. 

You said what you always do “I’ll text you sometime”

FUCK

you walk out of there so fast though.. 

I guess that was the panic of homework that needed to be finished. 

I sure as hell hope it wasn’t because of me 

I didn’t make you too nervous did I? 

I sure hope I didn’t. 

PLEASE, let me see you again. 

She Will Be Loved

I feel like there is something wrong with me.. but there can’t be? right its not me, its him? 

I mean I changed myself, he refuses to change.. I’ve had two men like that in my life and both have just left. 

 I’m going to be honest here, you really can’t expect an asshole to change. He will stay an asshole until some beautiful girl screws him over and he realizes what he lost. 

So I’d like to say FUCK YOU!  YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! (you know who you are!) because I have just encountered a very sweet guy, and there are a few others who are actually interested in me or will be. 

The new year is going to be amazing, I can feel it. 

I may not love my exe anymore but I’ve been thinking about him once and a while.. 

I don’t know why a woman like me would ever resort herself to a man who doesn’t deserve her.. why do we woman do that? is it because we honestly don’t know how amazing we are? is that it? or is it because we just don’t believe it?  we don’t believe that we can deserve a good man, a man who actually knows how to treat us? 

That must be it. 

I hate the snow. I hate feeling cold. I can’t believe I’m saying that while I live in Minnesota, haha, but yeah. There are honestly only very small points in time where I actually like it.

I have been feeling moody all day.. fuck. 

It’s like every fucking song on my iPod is connected to this stupid heavy feeling in my heart and not only that my mother is telling me I’m making a bad decision by meeting this guy for coffee who I could have known as a kid, but I’m not sure, hes just incredibly familiar. 

Then I found out the dream guy in my dreams is actually not my dream guy at all, I physically know this guy and I had a big crush on him in high school and now he comes back and we have a small ass conversation.. but since he didn’t answer its very clear that he hasn’t really changed.. at all. Another FUCK to the pile. 

I want to go to coffee, so I’m going to coffee! this guy is nice to me. So I shall go. 

I’m nervous and scared though.. 

WHY????

I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE 

3rd Times The Charm

I’m a bit surprised at myself for how this nightmare affected me.. 

I guess I just… 

I guess miss him, I miss him and I still love him at least.. some part of me still does. 

I wish I didn’t, really, I wish it was less complicated then it truly is. 

The thing is, I have nothing left. I gave him all of my hope and now I have no hope in us left. 

but yet, after all this time, after all that we have been through I still want him 

I know he thinks I’m crazy,obsessive and a big ass bitch… I’m sure he still loves his friends more then me and probably will never realize, he may be lost in his pride forever or he will realize but it’ll take some time.. that what he’s really missing is me.. 

The thing is I feel like I can’t do anything, honestly I can’t, its him, its his job to fix it if he wants because he is the one who left me, through a text and texting is completely impersonal.. we could have communicated better.. that I’ll admit and we could have tried harder but since I’m the one who tried the hardest and didn’t give up like he did I was the one who got kicked in the ass, I was the one who wouldn’t hear from him and who would have to hear him say some girl was prettier then I am..

at this moment, I miss him, at this moment I feel like I couldn’t forgive him.. not now, maybe in a week or a few months, at this moment he is the one that should be working to get me backing but right now neither of us are in the mood for that and that pisses me off 

he said I wasn’t good enough for him, bullshit, he said I was normal, bullshit again, he said that he is bad at expressing his feelings, bullshit you could have tried harder, I tried didn’t I? 

I came to you with open arms, I told you how much I loved you and how much I wanted to try again, and what did you do? push my thoughts and feelings aside like I mean’t nothing 

Then you call me and say “I like.. I like.. I like you” and “I want you” and we talk till 4 AM then  you convince me that we should try again, you get my hopes up and I agree with you, the next day you text me and bail again.. 

Do you understand how that makes me feel? can you even picture what its like to feel what I felt? can you? 

I felt rejected, I felt sad and I felt disappointed. You got my hopes up and then you trashed them. You stuck a knife through them and laughed in my face. That is how I felt. 

I have fallen in love with the movie Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind because.. because of the story, because of Clementine and Joel, because I feel I can relate to them both, because Joel misses Clem with all his heart, because Clem is impulsive and she erased joel from her mind and somehow they found each other and out of all the flaws they have in each other they still love each other, that is why.. 

because like them..

I would try it with Zach again 

I’d go for another go-around 

only I’d work harder, I’d try harder and I’d make sure that we both tried till the bitter end or maybe we wouldn’t end, maybe we’d go on..